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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Just got a kitten for my 6 year olds birthday, and its caused huge rows between husband and I.

241 replies

lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 21:51

Thanks for taking the time to read.

We bought a 3 month old house trained kitten from a rescue centre this week for my daughters 6th birthday present.

She is adorable and we all love her but DH has decided she is ABSOLUTELY not allowed in the house at all. We do have a wonderful garden and some shelter for her outside but my daughter and I would still love to be able to give her a cuddle in the house.

I've suggested that she comes in the house just to go on our lap and not wander around, but DH thinks she need to know her boundaries and this will only confuse her.

Never having had a cat before, would love to know others views on this.

Many thanks,

OP posts:
moajab · 10/07/2011 23:17

You may feed her and may believe that you love her, but your cat will not feel loved. How much attention will she get when it's cold or wet for example? And even one other cat could be a threat to her and you can't be sure there's not more. And there may well be other animals. A garden is lovely for a cat to go out in, but they just don't like being out there all the time. Like I said earlier we tried that, but found very quickly that we had to make the decision between letting her indoors or sending her to a shelter. We have kept her and not regretted that decision. I'm sorry, but very soon you will be having to explain to your DD why she has no cat or a dead cat or (best case scenario) explain to your DH why the cat is howling all night and he can't get any sleep.

MoominMuggleandMy · 10/07/2011 23:18

I am begging you to take her back. This is appallingly cruel. She will not be alright and neither will your child.

Why did you start this thread if you are not going to pay any attention to what everyone is telling you?

wellwisher · 10/07/2011 23:18

You stupid, selfish woman. A kitten should not be a birthday present for a young child, or a consolation prize to cheer you up after your miscarriage. Take her back.

hester · 10/07/2011 23:18

You need to take some responsibility here, OP. The cat's welfare is more important than your dh's wishes, or your dd's feelings. You have made a big mistake and you need to put it right.

purplepidjin · 10/07/2011 23:18

OP, you need to put your foot down. That cat will die, whether through cold, another cat, or trying to give birth to more unwanted kittens. How will that make your daughter feel? Hmm

Please contact the rescue. They will take her back in and find a suitable home, and somewhere safe to stay in the meantime.

Original poster
lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 23:20

Please believe me, if the cat is in any danger at all I will take her back, promise. Im just trying to work out whats possible for us to keep her, so she is 100% safe and my husband and I can get back on an even keel.

Balcony is entirely safe and we have made her a house for the night time.

Now DH is saying she can come in in the winter as we move in to an apartement (within the main house) as we rent out the main house.

OP posts:
UsingMainlySpells · 10/07/2011 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 10/07/2011 23:22

It's not even about safety, it's just cruel to keep a domestic cat outside all the time. You can't keep the cat, you just can't. Unless your twat of a husband decides to see sense.

Tigerbomb · 10/07/2011 23:23

At least name the agency that homed the cat with you so they can be bought to task for their shoddy vetting processes

How can you be so blase about yours and your husbands cruelty

I really hope to hell you are a wind up merchant

BertieBotts · 10/07/2011 23:23

If you want a fluffy, cute animal to keep outside and only come in for cuddles you need a small animal like a rabbit or a guinea pig.

If you want an animal who is going to "understand boundaries" you need a dog, or something you keep in a cage or enclosure. Which a cat isn't.

Seriously this is insane. 98 posts and everyone is saying either keep her inside or take her back, including several people who have experience with feral cats like your husband does.

mollschambers · 10/07/2011 23:23

Sounds to me like you should get rid of the husband. What a horrible man.

hester · 10/07/2011 23:23

But if she is going to come in in the winter, how will you get her back out in the spring? How is that teaching her the boundaries that your dh is so keen on?

Are you thinking that you will gradually wear him down, OP, and that the cat will be fully esconsed in the house come Halloween?

emmanumber3 · 10/07/2011 23:24

I'm sorry but your DH really needs to understand that not all animals are the same. TBH, maybe you do too. Dogs can live outside with the right shelter and care - yes. Cows - yes. Goats - yes. Cats - no. The cats he will have had on the farm while growing up were feral cats - a totally different thing to the cute little pet kitten you have taken from the rescue people.

I honestly don't know what I can say that other people have not but PET KITTENS CANNOT LIVE OUTDOORS, no more than you would let your DD live outside all the time.

The reality is that this poor little kitten will either be killed or find another home where she is welcome inside. She will not put up with the way you are treating her for long - that much is absolutely certain. It is simply not the way cats work to do so. Sorry, but unless you are all prepared to allow her indoors like a proper pet then your DD will end up disappointed one way or another - be it a dead kitten, a missing kitten or a kitten returned to the shelter.

BertieBotts · 10/07/2011 23:25

In fact technically you could be prosecuted under the Animal Welfare Act

(Detail: Guidelines for care of cats)

thisisyesterday · 10/07/2011 23:25

she is already in danger you idiot!

why can you not see this? why, after asking for people's advice and being told the same thing over and over and over are you just backing down to your husband?

why don't YOU get a say? why is it his way or no way? he makes the rules and you stick to them yeah, otherwise he'll just send the cat away just like that regardless of how you or his daughter feel. he sounds charming Hmm

i hope for your sake that a predator doesn't get your kitten, that she doesn't get pregnant or that she doesn't fall from the balcony.

you're both being incredibly cruel

ensure · 10/07/2011 23:27

How awful to hear about a home where the husband is such a pigheaded bully that he is forcing his wife to do something that she knows will probably harm and scare a baby kitten, that will in turn (when the kitten gets killed or runs away) desperately upset her 6 year old daughter. Good grief. :(

Why can't you decide where the cat lives OP? Why isn't your view as important as his? Why can't you stand up for yourself here?

thisisyesterday · 10/07/2011 23:27

AND, wtf is with the whole she can come in during the winter?

i thought she needed boundaries and letting her in the house would confuse her?
is he saying that she will not be confused if she is let in over winter?

ffs woman, get a grip, grow a backbone, tell him he is being ridiculous and let the cat in

Kewcumber · 10/07/2011 23:28

How on earth will you know if the cat is in any danger? Confused You live inside , the cat lives outside and never the twain shall meet you most likely will know about any danger afterwards, when you are trying to hide the mauled body of your kitten from your DD.

My cats were raised in an outbuilding for the first 9 weeks until I got them and it took years, years to socialise them fully. And they were with their mother and siblings - your's is alone.

You are treating this kitten like a toy not a pet and thats not a good thing to teach your DD.

But I really don;t understand why you posted as you really don;t seem to care that she is outside or that there is barely a post which supports your husbands approach. And you still don;t seem to care. So why bother?

hester · 10/07/2011 23:28

If your dh does not want a pet cat, then you have to take the kitten back. It really is as simple as that, OP. You can't sacrifice the kitten's welfare while sitting it out for weeks, hoping that your dh will gradually soften. It's just not fair.

You do see that, don't you?

Original poster
lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 23:28

Yes quite agree hester, coming in in the winter and back out in spring is a far cry from the boundaries that DH has insisted on for 48 hours now.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 10/07/2011 23:28

am hoping this is a troll, it does read like one...

posted fairly late, only a very few replies each time to post someth9ing else contentious and then sit back and wait for the backlash

i just hope to god it is

hellymelly · 10/07/2011 23:29

Do you also realise that farm cats sleep in a bundle,they are in haylofts etc all cudded up together to keep warm- a kitten would never be sleeping outside,alone,even the adult cats tend to cuddle together.She will die of cold or wander off to try and find a better home, and in the process get run over. Why can't you see that this is not a kind way to keep a pet?

snice · 10/07/2011 23:29

you should be ashamed of yourself

PatriciaHolm · 10/07/2011 23:30

"Please believe me, if the cat is in any danger at all I will take her back, promise"

Well, given around 80+ people who have far more knowledge of cats than you have told you she IS in danger, you'll be taking her back tomorrow, won't you?

Your DH saying that the farm had outside cats so this kitten must go out is like saying that some adults live rough therefore it would be fine to turf a five year old child out on the streets.

Valpollicella · 10/07/2011 23:31

"Please believe me, if the cat is in any danger at all I will take her back, promise."

Hmm

The kitten is already in danger, you utter muppet.

Take her back. And then explain to your DD that her Dad is particularly cruel and didn't want to keep a baby animal inside, safe from danger.

Sleep well, won't you OP. Nice and safe and warm....