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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Just got a kitten for my 6 year olds birthday, and its caused huge rows between husband and I.

241 replies

lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 21:51

Thanks for taking the time to read.

We bought a 3 month old house trained kitten from a rescue centre this week for my daughters 6th birthday present.

She is adorable and we all love her but DH has decided she is ABSOLUTELY not allowed in the house at all. We do have a wonderful garden and some shelter for her outside but my daughter and I would still love to be able to give her a cuddle in the house.

I've suggested that she comes in the house just to go on our lap and not wander around, but DH thinks she need to know her boundaries and this will only confuse her.

Never having had a cat before, would love to know others views on this.

Many thanks,

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/07/2011 00:08

Hmm, just a thought, but the husband has been caught cuddling the kitten already. I wonder how he'd respond to a week-long trial of the kitten in the house?

He's maybe not quite as hard-hearted as suggested.

I also wonder if, as the main house is rented out over winter, he's worried about the damage the kitten may do to the wallpaper, soft furnishings etc. If a way could be found to persuade kitty to strop her claws on, say, one of those hessian scratching poles, maybe there could be a happy ending?

NevermindtheNargles · 11/07/2011 00:16

If she's allowed in the apartment but not the main house, why not just keep her in there? At least she'd be safe and warm and your dd would be much more comfortable when she visits.

NevermindtheNargles · 11/07/2011 00:16

If she's allowed in the apartment but not the main house, why not just keep her in there? At least she'd be safe and warm and your dd would be much more comfortable when she visits.

WyrdMother · 11/07/2011 00:23

Hoorah OP! Good, that's a start.

Now I'm wondering about this re-homing centre, (basically because I'm concerned that they let you have this kitten in the first place) and what they may or may not have done for the kitten. If your husband relents and you do keep the kitten:

  1. Has the kitten been tested for feline leukaemia and FIV?
  2. Has it had it's two sets of vacinations at nine and 12 weeks see here
  3. Has it been wormed?
  4. Has it been treated for fleas (a severe infestation of fleas can kill a kitten).
  5. Are you aware of the ongoing costs of yearly vacinations, worming and flea treatments never mind any other treatment it may need? (For us it's around £25py per cat for vacs, about £100py per cat for flea and worm treatment combined and you will need a seperate wormer for tape worms. Everytime we've taken the cats to the vets for general ailments it's cost us at least £40. Plus you may need to flea treat the house but hopefully only once in a blue moon).
  6. Have you got a scratching post? Even with one you will need to be extremely vigilent to stop a cat scratching furniture.
  7. How do you feel about shedding hair? Do you have a decent vacuum to deal with?
  8. Finally and most importantly, has it been neuterd. The number of kittens a KITTEN can produce would astonish you. Kittens will reach sexual maturity from around 5 months and if that kitten is still outside un-neutered she will have kittens. Kittens can be neutered from about 4 months see here.

OP. You may notice that I am listing every darn inconvienience I can remember that cat ownersip brings (if anyone can remember others please list them, it's late and my brain has already gone to bed). I'm sorry if I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs but I want to be sure you know this stuff because I'm wary of the re-homing centre that let you take this kitten home. The links I have provided are for the RSPCA and Cats Protection, please read everything you can find on cat ownership and make an informed decision about wether you are going to keep this cat or not. Short term misery for your daughter is preferable to long term misery for the cat.

Though I've been fairly clear that my concern is for the cat, I do hope this situation has a happy resolution for you all.

ThatVikRinA22 · 11/07/2011 00:31

i dont understand at all op, a cat is a house pet, why on earth buy your dd a kitten then keep it outside? terrible.

i do hope you are good for your word and take her back to the rescue so that someone may actually give her a home.

your husband is completely out of order. If you cant agree you dont get pets, its as simple at that.

Cats are not, and should not be, part time toys for children.

Jux · 11/07/2011 08:41

She's your daughter's birthday present and you're treating her like a bike. Get your daughter a real bike and take the kitten back.

Ormirian · 11/07/2011 08:49

Keep DH in the garden. I'm sure he'll find out just how comfortable the shelter is.

What is it about men and cats?

Ormirian · 11/07/2011 08:52

Beside she shouldn't be allowed out at all until she has had her second set of shots, and preferably been spayed.

Grrrrrrr!

clam · 11/07/2011 09:18

What sort of man are you married to? Seriously.
I'd be watching my own back in a few years' time, in case he pitched me out to the barn if I overstepped his "boundaries."

TheOriginalFAB · 11/07/2011 09:21

Your husband is a bully.

Does he tell you what to do in other situations as well?

the kitten is a BABY and can not live outside.

Twat. Him not the kitten.

SenoritaViva · 11/07/2011 09:37

I am not a cat lover but horrified by this. Yes, your DH has farm cats when he was younger which meant that when a litter of kittens came along they lived as a litter and were looked after by their mum, all together and snuggled for warmth. If the kitten is to be outside it needs a far more natural, wild way of living, with brothers and sisters etc. You are confusing the poor animal and subjecting it to cruelty. You might not think it is cold at night now but I live in the south and it is not lovely and warm at night.

Poor thing, stop putting yourself and your DD first and take the kitten back. You and your DH are being utterly selfish and only thinking of yourselves.

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf · 11/07/2011 09:47

Orm, I can assure you that it is not always like that with men and cats. DH loves our princess cat and wouldn't be without her.

Op, I really hope you have taken the kitten back. Not many threads bother me, but this one kept me awake last night.

tribpot · 11/07/2011 09:54

Dobby, my dh gets upset if our cat goes out in the rain. In the middle of summer. The soppy git.

superjobeespecs · 11/07/2011 10:03

you are still actually going along with what your husband wants rather than let that baby in your house? if i knew where you were i'd phone animal services on you that is absolutely revolting and bugger be damned at your large warm garden and balcony bollocks!! i bloody hate my OHs cat she is a little shit but even i havent resorted to locking her outside you two are sick.

i hope your a troll because this is just vile.

mollymole · 11/07/2011 10:04

Have you taken it back yet
it is not a toy
it is an indoor pet
you should have discussed this properly with your Dh (who does sound a twat)
if you are not taking it back what plans have you made for its medical care
and have you some where indoors, as part of the family, where it will live - it cannot be shut away in an annexe

DooinMeCleanin · 11/07/2011 10:06

Are you fucking serious? Really? And you love a man who is prepared to be so cruel to a tiny, defenceless kitten? I know who I'd be rehoming and it wouldn't be the kitten.

What are you teaching your daughter? That her feelings are more important than the welfare of a living animal?

I've owned cats all my life. We have had ferel cats and rescued farm cats in our house. Farm cats are not as healthy as loved, pet cats, not by a long mile. They are also savage and not the kind of a cat a 6 year old would be able to handle.

Poor kitten. Take her back to the rescue and give her the life she deserves. She must be terrified. Buy your daughter a goldfish instead.

DH despises my cat. He has suggested it lives outside. He has even built him a little house in the yard. He would never go so far as to ban him from the house because he knows what would happen.

Jux · 11/07/2011 10:09

My dh has a special towel (our best handtowel) set aside for when our tom cat comes in from the rain. Grin He's a nutter (dh, not the cat).

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf · 11/07/2011 10:46

Grin Jux. That is nearly as bad as my DH and the section of his pillow that only the cat is allowed to sleep on Hmm

Empusa · 11/07/2011 10:54

That poor kitten better be somewhere safe now

seeker · 11/07/2011 11:01

I hope this kitten is now at a reputable rescue centre who will find a good home for her.

OP - I do think, forgive me, that you need to think about the power balance in your relationship. If your husband is so much in charge that you treated an animal unkindly against your wishes to appease him there's something wrong there which needs to be talked about.

clam · 11/07/2011 11:06

Great point Seeker.

There is no compromising to be made here. The cat either lives indoors and is treated well by all of you, or it goes back to the rescue to be rehomed with decent people.

ThatVikRinA22 · 11/07/2011 11:32

my Dh loves our cats more than me i suspect....and he particularly loves the grumpy one!

come on OP, let us know what you have done. This sorry tale is bothering me a wee bit.

chickflit · 11/07/2011 11:45

OP I live in the country, no traffic, surrounded by fields and farms. My cats come and go as they please, in winter they prefer to spend the night in the house in summer they prefer to be outside. However, my old bruiser of cat went out one evening at Easter, he was an absolutely massive cat and well able to stand up for himself, and he disappeared, he never returned home. He was 18 years old and although getting on in years he had the strength and disposition of a much younger cat, however even his age and size didn't protect him against what I presume could only have been a fox.

I have now taken on a rescue kitten who is only 7 weeks old, there is absolutely no chance he will be outside in the garden until at least Christmas, he's too young, he needs his vaccinations, he needs to be spayed, but mostly he needs to know where home is and where he is safe - I do this because I am a responsible cat owner.

Please return your kitty to the rescue centre or find a home where he will be loved. I know young kittens are a handful, we have a big dog cage where mine goes to bed or when we're not around to supervise him, maybe you and your DH could do something like that until your kitten learns its boundaries in the house, but please, please don't leave a baby outside alone at night - you will be feeding the wildlife.

purplepidjin · 11/07/2011 12:08

When I introduce new animals to my house, they spend the first few days in the spare room. From previous posts, you obviously have plenty of space so why is this not an option?

tribpot · 11/07/2011 12:39

Purple, the dh does not want the cat in the house full stop, it's not a question of boundaries within it or space.

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