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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Just got a kitten for my 6 year olds birthday, and its caused huge rows between husband and I.

241 replies

lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 21:51

Thanks for taking the time to read.

We bought a 3 month old house trained kitten from a rescue centre this week for my daughters 6th birthday present.

She is adorable and we all love her but DH has decided she is ABSOLUTELY not allowed in the house at all. We do have a wonderful garden and some shelter for her outside but my daughter and I would still love to be able to give her a cuddle in the house.

I've suggested that she comes in the house just to go on our lap and not wander around, but DH thinks she need to know her boundaries and this will only confuse her.

Never having had a cat before, would love to know others views on this.

Many thanks,

OP posts:
Original poster
lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 22:12

Thanks for taking the time to reply.
Yes so far she is outside in the day and we have a good sized balcony(safe) which she comes on to at night to keep protected from other cats and foxes.

DH was bought up on a farm and had cats which were only outside but I feel this is different, we have bought the cat to be a family cat and a companion to our daughter (only child) and already I'm feeling happier having her around, (miscarriage 3 months ago).

Husband is totally adamant that she stays outside to the point that we take her back to the rescue centre if I keep letting her in.

I won't let that happen for my daughters sake but really am not comfortable with her not being allowed in.

Yes we really should have discussed this more but I had no idea he would say this and that I would be so upset about it.

Does he have a valid point that the kitten will become confused and not know her boundaries if she is only allowed in sometimes ie when we are there and only on our lap?

Thanks again

OP posts:
AtYourCervix · 10/07/2011 22:14

Take it back tomorrow.

follyfoot · 10/07/2011 22:15

No he doesnt have a valid point at all. So are you really saying you wont take her back to the rescue 'for your daughters sake' but that you will make the kitten live outside instead? Sorry but that is outrageous.

You should take the poor kitten back tomorrow. I'm certain that if they knew the cat was going to be living outside, they would never have let you take her in the first place.

What sort of lesson are you giving your child here?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/07/2011 22:16

Feral farm cats live in colonies. They can curl up together for warmth. A lone cat on a balcony will freeze to death in winter time.

mollschambers · 10/07/2011 22:16

Only on your lap?

That won't work for a start.

If she can't live in your house then take her back.

coccyx · 10/07/2011 22:16

Disgusting. what is the point in having the poor kitten. You are being cruel. take the cat back. hope someone reports you

hester · 10/07/2011 22:16

Yes, he does have a valid point. Cats are territorial; your house is either her territory or it is not.

I really don't see that there is a compromise to be found here. If your dh wants a semi-feral farmcat then go ahead, keep the cat out: but you probably won't have a cat at all soon. If you want a cat you can cuddle on your lap then you have to allow the cat to use your house as her home.

Seriously, if your husband won't give way on this you must rehome the cat. And as soon as possible.

(Still curious as to why your dh wanted a cat at all. I can see why you would have a non-pet cat on a farm, where they are purely to keep the mouse population down, but why would you buy one for your dd and then not allow your dd to enjoy her?)

Empusa · 10/07/2011 22:17

"Does he have a valid point that the kitten will become confused and not know her boundaries if she is only allowed in sometimes ie when we are there and only on our lap?"

This is a living animal, not a toy.

You cannot have a cat and then only let it in when you want a cuddle. Let it go to a better home.

coccyx · 10/07/2011 22:17

but when does daughter ever get chance to have an relationship with the poor cat

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf · 10/07/2011 22:17

Sorry but you are deluded.

FAmily cat? Not if you keep her outside. And she will be pregnant, forced/raped by the male cats who will hunt her down as soon as she goes into season.

I hope you see sense and take her back tomorrow.

snicker · 10/07/2011 22:18

Take her back. You can't look after her. She will either go feral or go and live with someone else (unless balcony in on the 10th floor or something). She won't be a lovely pet because she will be so outraged or gone.

WyrdMother · 10/07/2011 22:19

I've read you post to my husband just to check my initial reaction and gotta be said he agrees with me, which is hardly surprising since his mother is big in the Cats Protection League.

Basically we are astonished that a re-homing centre let you have a kitten under these circumstances. Firstly did they not do a home visit and question you about your intentions towards the kitten? Secondly did you tell them that this was a birthday present because most re-homing places will not let you have an animal as a present as the hullabaloo suronding occasions like birthdays and christmas can be distressing for an animal that is already out of it's confort zone. Thirdly didn't they give you a big lecture reguarding cat care both physical and general well-being.

These animals are a huge responsibility, I assume this one has been neutered but it will still be very vulnerable to local cats who may regard your garden as their own territory, also to foxes (urban or country) who can kill and will eat a fully grown cat never mind a kitten and if the kitten strays from your garden they will be vulnerable to dogs as well.

The chances are that if you just chuck this kitten outside sooner or later it will disapear and you will be very lucky if you find out what happened to it.

Please, if you absolutely cannot move your husband on this take the kitten back to the re-homing centre. However upset your daughter will be in the short term this is far better than how upset she will be if her kitten just dissapears or dies an unpleasant death. The re-homing centre if they are genuinely interested in the welfare of cats would rather take the kitten back then have it dead, injured or otherwise neglected.

I'm sorry to be so blunt with you but I have been here before with people who with the best intentions have not thought cat ownership through.

hester · 10/07/2011 22:19

lovesmountains, you say you don't have experience of cats. Well, a lot of us do and you need to take seriously the advice on this thread. Please tell us you will find this kitten a better home. You have made a mistake but you must now do the right thing.

snicker · 10/07/2011 22:20

Cats only go on your lap when they want to, you can't just plonk them down for a stroke then order them back to the balcony.

tribpot · 10/07/2011 22:20

Farm cats are completely different and tend not to be left on their own at 12 weeks old either. This is a pet, not a pest controller. Farm cats of course also have outbuildings etc in which to shelter against the cold. You have a balcony. It's July, what's the poor little bugger going to do in January?

You will not persuade a cat to 'know its boundaries' and stay on your lap inside. Cats do what they do, and this one is going to be off just as soon as it figures out how.

You need to agree more appropriate rules with your dh, or your dd is likely to be upset even if he doesn't go through with his threat to take her back to the rescue centre. Why is his decision about the cat so bloody final anyway?

CQrrrneee · 10/07/2011 22:22

poor kitten Sad I can't believe the re-homing centre let you have her either. Are you sure that your dh hasn't just decided that the kitten is too much work so wants her outside? You will have to take her back.

KatyMac · 10/07/2011 22:22

Suggest you drop DH off at the shelter & keep the kitten

MoominMuggleandMy · 10/07/2011 22:23

Please take the kitten back or put your foot down with your husband.

This is unworkable and cruel, and will break your daughter's heart more in the long run when her pet is attacked, falls ill or finds another home.

monstermissy · 10/07/2011 22:25

she will be pregnant before you get to have her 'done' she shouldnt be outside before 6 months, she can and will get pregnent. How will your dh feel when he has a cat and kittens sitting on his balcony. When do you think your dd will get to spend time with the cat? Someone else will feed her and she wont bother coming back to you. (the cat not your dd)

IfOnlyICouldFly · 10/07/2011 22:25

Please just take her back. You are not providing the kitten with a home and there are lots of people who would like to. Again, PM me if you are in the SE and I will re-home her - I volunteer for a local animal charity.

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf · 10/07/2011 22:25

If you live in the NE I will take her.

wannaBe · 10/07/2011 22:25

take the cat back.

You won't be able to bring the cat in just to be cuddled because it's not a toy you can bring in and out at your convenience it's a bloody animal.

Take the cat back tomorrow.

monstermissy · 10/07/2011 22:26

Why is his word the law in your house anyway? let the cat in and tell him to deal with it.

greycircles · 10/07/2011 22:27

I absolutely can't stand cats (mainly due to fact that I am forever picking their poo out of my flower beds) but I would not treat one in this way, ever.

It is just really cruel. You need to have a proper conversation with your husband and determine whether he will allow the cat to be part of your family and live in your home. Otherwise, you will have to disappoint your DD and take the cat back.

Did you consult your husband before getting this cat? I would be beyond furious if my husband got a cat without me consenting.

Either your husband is ignorant or he is a wicked bastard. Find out which.

ChocolateTeacup · 10/07/2011 22:28

Disgusting, that poor baby kitten it has only just left mum a tiny baby basically and you are complicit in neglecting it. Show the farm boy this thread and hope he gets the message or take the poor kitten back to the shelter.

If you leave it in these conditions at best it rehomes itself or it becomes a feral menace raped every time it goes into season at worst its dead - ofc that could be better than surviving on the streets