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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Just got a kitten for my 6 year olds birthday, and its caused huge rows between husband and I.

241 replies

lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 21:51

Thanks for taking the time to read.

We bought a 3 month old house trained kitten from a rescue centre this week for my daughters 6th birthday present.

She is adorable and we all love her but DH has decided she is ABSOLUTELY not allowed in the house at all. We do have a wonderful garden and some shelter for her outside but my daughter and I would still love to be able to give her a cuddle in the house.

I've suggested that she comes in the house just to go on our lap and not wander around, but DH thinks she need to know her boundaries and this will only confuse her.

Never having had a cat before, would love to know others views on this.

Many thanks,

OP posts:
maxpower · 10/07/2011 22:29

I'm speechless.

Original poster
lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 22:29

Oh dear,I totally hear what you are saying.

In my husbands defence, he wouldn't intentionally hurt a fly and I've spotted him having quite a few cuddles with the kitten, and at the moment its lovely and warm, we are around all the time( both work from home) so the kitten is having lots of time with us(when we go outside to see her).
In the winter, we have a little barn with straw that he is suggesting she can stay in.

DH is very black and white in his decisions and thinks animals need to know where they are allowed to go and not to go. Otherwise they will become confused and therefore difficult to handle.
Me, I'd LOVE her indoors and wished I'd had a cat years ago, what a joy she is.

OP posts:
monstermissy · 10/07/2011 22:30

Also we got our cat from the rspca and he had gone through two failed adoptions before we got him, he is the most adorable animal i have ever met and totally gorgeous, if not abit stinky (he has wind issues) but it took he ages to feel secure in his home, he was desperate for love and cuddles but so wary of people. Cats are not items you can pick up and put down, how you treat them leaves lasting effects.

AtYourCervix · 10/07/2011 22:31

unless you live on a farm, with an established feral cat clan you cannot keep it.

Take it back.

follyfoot · 10/07/2011 22:31

You should think very carefully about what you are teaching your DD here. That keeping a pet in unacceptable conditions is OK?

Please, take the kitten back or take up one of the offers on here to give her a home she deserves.

I'm assuming you didnt tell the rescue the kitten would be living outside did you Hmm

WyrdMother · 10/07/2011 22:32

Balcony? How many floors up?! Is it completely enclosed and cat proof eg. netting or mesh otherwise it isn't safe. Your cat is still vulnerable to territorial cats and wandering into the path of dogs during the day, I grant you foxes are unlikely. All the other issues that I and others remain, don't think I would disagree with anything anyone has said regarding the kitten's welfare.

Take it back. Never mind that your husband is threatening exactly that, not the point, the animals welfare is more important.

basingstoke · 10/07/2011 22:33

PIL are farmers and keep their dog outside, but cats regularly sleep in front of the Rayburn.

UsingMainlySpells · 10/07/2011 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

follyfoot · 10/07/2011 22:35

The kitten wont be a joy when she's dead/gone looking for somewhere else to live/ been hounded out by other cats and your daughter is sobbing.

Stop being silly, put the welfare of the animal above what will be a day or two of disappointment for your DD and take the poor thing back.

This thread is beginning to make me very cross.

purplepidjin · 10/07/2011 22:36

Cats reach adulthood at four years old. A 12 week old kitten is barely adolescent (think ten year old human). She is still learning how to interact with other animals. By keeping her outside with no socialisation, you will create a terrified cat who scratches and mauls at every opportunity.

FFS, my ginger fluffball was destined for Pets As Therapy (run over while waiting for paperwork Sad pic on profile) and would rarely actually sit on a lap.

My DP is against animals indoors, however he is not cruel enough to suggest i get rid of my animals just because they shed a bit of hair! That's why vacuum cleaners were invented!

themildmanneredjanitor · 10/07/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tigerbomb · 10/07/2011 22:37

You haven't said anything about the Rescue Centre? Did they know your plans for the kitten?

Please take it back to them.

You are being cruel

suzikettles · 10/07/2011 22:38

Cat rescues sometimes have feral cats needing homes which might fit into this sort of scenario, but unless you just haven't mentioned it, this doesn't sound like a feral.

Your dh is being, albeit unintentionally, cruel. The cat will most likely leave if it can find a house with more home comforts. Please take it back to the shelter if your dh isn't going to change his mind.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 10/07/2011 22:39

This is fucking stupid. This isn't a farm cat, it's a domestic kitten and it needs to live indoors. It needs to sleep indoors, and eat indoors, and live indoors. You cannot treat it like this, if you do you will be very, very cruel and foolish. If you can't give it a proper home you must return it, and a proper home, for a domestic pet cat, is indoors.

suzikettles · 10/07/2011 22:39

Sorry, just read that she hasn't been spayed yet? Are you mad? Expect more kittens along in a bit then.

WyrdMother · 10/07/2011 22:40

purplepidjin said By keeping her outside with no socialisation, you will create a terrified cat who scratches and mauls at every opportunity.

Absolutely! a big part of my MIL's work with the Cat's protection League is teaching both kittens and adult cats how to be around humans when they're feral or merely neglected, it requires a ton of patience and weeks of fostering.

hester · 10/07/2011 22:42

So what are you going to do, OP?

purplepidjin · 10/07/2011 22:43

"when we go outside to see her"

Get a stuffed toy. DNephew has one that miaous just like a real cat fecking creepy thing to console him for the fact that "his" pets live at our house Hmm

In the winter, we have a little barn with straw that he is suggesting she can stay in.

Would chickens not be more suitable? How much body heat is this cat supposed to give off? Hutch rabbits don't live in barns in the winter because it's too cold. Cats are far more intelligent, and need far more intellectual stimulation, than rabbits (I have both. Both house trained. Luckily cat is pretty dopey herself and doesn't realise the bunny is food, although I'm boycotting rabbit flavoured cat food Hmm)

iphonedrone · 10/07/2011 22:44

No no no no no. You don't seem to be listening to people here, I get your point but unless you have a feral cat (which you don't) cats DONT live outside. They just don't.

Please explain to your daughter that the cat isn't working out and go and get a fish or something. Your DH isn't going to budge on this by the sounds of things so please take her back to the rehoming centre.

I say this as someone who has a lovely purring 16 week kitten on my lap. Who incidentally got out last week and was set upon almost immediately by one of the local feral cats. He managed to bite the kitten on the back and she crawled under our bed and stayed there for 24 hrs. She wouldn't drink, eat, use the litter tray and cried every time we picked her up. After an emergency vet visit for anti-biotics/painkillers she now has a huge draining abscess on her back. Outdoors is NOT the place for a little kitten.

Kewcumber · 10/07/2011 22:44

You have a pet who isn't allowed to be a pet. You and your husband are both bonkers. I really think you need to rehome the cat and as someone suggested earlier get a goat, or a micropig.

I just don't quite see the point in having a pet who isn't allowed into the house

tribpot · 10/07/2011 22:44

Your husband is right that animals need to learn boundaries. It's just the boundaries he 'requires' (since it seems to be non-negotiable) are completely inappropriate to a single kitten living in a semi-urban setting, intended as the pet of a 6 year old child.

If you are unable to agree a compromise more reasonable to the actual needs of the animal by far the kindest thing to do is to return it or take up one of the kind offers on here to rehome it. You are not able to care for this cat appropriately as things stand.

FoundWanting · 10/07/2011 22:45

" we have a little barn with straw that he is suggesting she can stay in."

A little barn with straw, and probably rats.

My fully-grown (though soppy) cat had a fight with a rat. It wasn't pretty and she has the scars. What would one do to your daughter's pet?

Pelagia · 10/07/2011 22:47

I don't like cats all that much but even I can see this is ridiculous! Your husband sounds like an idiot! (sorry, have had wine, am saying it as I see it)

careergirl · 10/07/2011 22:53

you can't cuddle a cat when you feel like it. Cats make up their own minds and you are allowed to fuss them on their terms
My boy has shredded my wallpaper and my furniture but he lives in my house with me.
This cat is far too young to be living outside and she will not survive a harsh winter
you must have lied to the rescue centre when taking her on about your intentions for this cat they would not have let you have her to live like this
poor poor little cat

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf · 10/07/2011 22:54

You are not listening to anyone on this thread, why did you even bother starting it, other than to piss everyone off?

"what a joy she is". That would be because she wants to come inside and is desperate to be looved.

And a small barn. WTF? Where do you live?