Ex wants to rehome dogs

[Anonymouslysaddened]

I'm divorced from my ex, and we share 3 dogs together. The dogs live with me and I ask that he helps out with dog care when he has our child. I stay at my boyfriend's house as he is unable to get to me. This has worked well, but now he's saying he's not doing this much longer and they need to be rehomed or he will walk away and report me to the RSPCA for neglect.

I work full time, and have around a 1.5 hour commute. My teenage son is there when not at school, and my adult son pops in sometimes.

I'm numb and don't know what to do for the best.

Your adult son plus paid dog walkers/daycare?

I mean the RSPCA won't do anything so his threat is as empty as his head is devoid of braincells, apparently.

Just stop sending the dogs to him when he has your child?

But, equally, if you can't afford proper paid care for your dogs you should consider if a life where they are alone for the day (assuming that's what you mean by your OP) is the right life for them. Some dogs can cope. Some can't. Only you know the answer to that.

Make a plan for how you can manage them by yourself. Is it a complete surprise to you he's said this. Dog walker is a good option as previous poster suggested.

That's a temporary fix, yes. But I'm not sure how long I can sustain it for financially. And he'll walk away from any costs.

He'll also report me to the RSPCA!

Sadly, nothing surprises me with him anymore. It's been a long and difficult divorce, but I didn't think he'd do this.

Well if you can't afford the dogs, and you don't want them to be left alone...then you'll need to rehome them.

But, once again, the RSPCA won't do anything. His threat is literally meaningless. Like a politician making promises about tax cuts. Pigs will fly, Putin will regain his grip on reality, the sky will turn green and GRR Martin will finish ASOIAF before the RSPCA intervene in a situation like this.

You need to arrange dog walkers, move closer to work, get a job closer to home, or get a wfh job.

They don't go to him, he's refused to do that. He goes to mine, takes them out etc. My adult son goes in last thing at night.

They cope well on their, because they have each other. But at 12, my eldest is a bit of an old lady.

He cant have your DC all the time so what happens currently when they are with you?

Dog walkers and your teenager. Sorry, its rubbish but it is what it is. Dont worry about him reporting you to the RSPCA, reporting 3 cared for dogs who have a dog walker is going to get him nowhere. The threshold for intervention is very high anyway.

Sorry - you need dog care from your ex some days of the week because you go to your boyfriend’s house? Just… don’t leave your dogs to go to your boyfriend’s house?

I've literally just bought my house, in a town I don't want to be in, because of my son.

I got made redundant in January, the day before the financial hearing, so I had to get a job ASAP. Jobs in my industry aren't local unfortunately.

This is where I am.... my dogs or my relationship. It's impossible at the moment.

If you can't afford to look after them yourself then yes I agree you should re-home them. Surely that's in the dogs best interests as well as in yours?

Obviously your dogs. Can your boyfriend not get public transport? Or an Uber? I'm assuming he can't drive?

If this seems an impossible choice to you, then I’d suggest rehoming is the way to go.

You can get to your boyfriends but he cant get to you? Why?

But yes it has to be the dogs. Chances of them being rehomed together are slim, the older one being rehomed even slimmer.

So currently if I've got this right

During the week your teen gets home from school so the dogs are alone about 8-4ish?

At weekends your ex comes to your house while you go to your BF.

If your teen was to see his dad at dad's house, could your BF come to you (or you collect him)?

Unless your neighbours are complaining that the dogs are barking all day long, or the dogs are destroying the house while you're at work, I don't see a reason to change anything here apart from the weekend arrangement.

He can drive. He has his daughter most of the time, the family dog and starts work before 6am. We live about a 45 minute drive apart.

I have a 1.5 hour commute from my house.

I would choose my dogs over any bloke.

How is this even a decision. Your boyfriend needs to visit you but you have to pick your dogs.

I posted before I saw this, but if your BF has too many caring responsibilities of his own, I would definitely leave the boyfriend before I even thought about rehoming the dogs.

Personally, I would have to choose my elderly dogs over a relatively new boyfriend.

I can't believe you're considering rehoming them to spend time with your boyfriend honestly.

So the issue is when you stay at new bf

how new is relationship

does he always work at 6am the morning you stay over

does he have his daughter every weekend or can you shuffle weekends so that she goes to mum when you’re go to their dad

how often are we talking about - eow?

I know it’s not what you want to hear, & you are still feeling vulnerable after the divorce, but, you MUST put the DDogs before your new relationship. If you don’t, you will REGRET it forever. I had a friend in a very similar situation - 3 dogs, one EXH who was an arsehole, & she ended up losing all 3. Ironically that man hated the dogs when they were together, but used them to inflict more pain on my friend when they divorced. Anyway, it broke her - I went with when they were rehomed & the way she cried will
never leave me. Genuine devastation at the lose of her emotional support at the lowest of times. Don’t let your EXH bully you - end the relationship, look in to a dog walker. I am sorry you find yourself in this situation 💐