Teenager hates our dog

[WeetabixForDinner]

We have a 7 year old dog we've had since she was a puppy. The problem is her barking when she's home; she barks at people walking by, if she hears the word hello, a knock, if we're dancing around or playing, she is very hostile towards anyone she doesn't know, or sometimes just people not in the family, she even barks when we're out for a walk and I stop to talk to someone (at me this time). The barking is very loud and can go on for sometime. I took her to training when she was young but the barking was so bad I was getting bad looks and it got too much and I left. I have lived quite isolated since. We can't really have anyone round, it was horrendous when I bought a house and had people in to do work on it.

My 15yo hates her. I tells me everyday that she has ruined his childhood and he can't have friends round. He gets angry with her and will push her bum.

Apart from the above, she has been a lovely day and I absolutely love her, she is great off lead, incredibly affectionate, she's incredibly clever (which may be a contributing factor). Also, my 11yo disabled son adores her, he would be distraught if we needed to rehome her.

For one reason or another (never due to even considering puppies) time has passed and I never got her neutered. I am next month. Will this help?

She gets a lot of exercise, although there are some days during the week she needs more, I just struggle due to work and commuting and school, she never really has less than an hour a day off lead. She has a dog walker a few times a week. I WFH mostly so she's never left alone for long.

I am struggling to meet the needs of everyone in my household, and so everyone is unhappy.

The other son who loves the dog has emotional needs that deserve to be taken into account.

Does the girlfriend like dogs or other animals?

Can dog-hating son be encouraged into cadets or DofE or organic farm volunteering or a language placement abroad or St Johns Ambulance volunteering or anything that gets him out and gives him a feeling of control and direction?

Maybe he's doing all those things.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't.
It sounds as if he has had friends round, coordinating with the OP taking the dog out. Not been in isolation.
The son who loves the dog and has SEN deserves more consideration than the one who can go out freely and normally and date.

He has had this for 7 years.
Poor lad.

Well in a couple of years he may well be heading off to university. Having had vast majority of his childhood with the back drop of loud barking, no friends around and no holiday outside of the UK and only ones that accept dogs.

It will be too late to salvage anything.

I think it’s safe to say he will never be a dog owner. What a nightmare. I would be stressed out if my head with that barking, is it possible this has made your anxiety worse?

Get a proper trainer who will come to your home to help you. Spaying did change my anxious dog a little bit, she is calmer than she was. It’s a shame your son hates the dog but you clearly don’t and nor does your other child, so there has to be a way to work through it for everybody’s sake, you will have a happier household and a happier dog! Talk to your vet, they may have some good recommendations for trainers who can help make things better.
I can’t believe there are people telling you to get rid on here, I can’t fathom people who don’t love animals, it’s bizarre!

I think you are getting some very harsh responses here.

I’ve had a reactive dog whilst my children were young, which meant play dates at our house were out of bounds. Didn’t ruin their lives, just meant meet ups were done elsewhere.
Also, rehoming the dog would be unfair on the younger child who does love this dog and has bonded with it. Why does the older son seem to trump the younger one with previous posters?
how many times has your sons girlfriend visited?
my now dog is very vocal, loves a bit of attention and so will bark or do this weird yowl/grumble noise to get it. After a person has been here for 5 mins, he stops doing it. It’s all the excitement. The more frequently they are around, the less he does it.

So your children for their entire childhood never had a play date? Never had their mates over as teens? Your kids brought their first girlfriend / boyfriend back for dinner and dominated by barking? You only took your kids on short uk breaks that were dog friendly because couldn’t leave the dog with anyone @aperolspritzbasicbitch

No, not entire childhood, the dog passed away when they were 8 and 4, but up until that point - nope, no play dates here. Just at plenty of other places.

you do realise that not everyone can afford to go on holiday, yeah? Regardless of pet situation.
i didn’t go on a single holiday or uk break when I was growing up, as we did not have the funds.
she’s already said that she’s a single parent, with a disabled child. She’s said she wouldn’t have the cash to go abroad, but they do still have holidays.
I was lucky that my sister would look after my previous dog, she certainly wouldn’t have been put in kennels.

Righto

so NOT 8 - 15 and looking more likely 8-18

i didn’t go on a single holiday or uk break when I was growing up, as we did not have the funds.

but I bet your kids weren’t restricted to short dog friendly UK breaks for their entire childhood

and if the op has secure a private dog behaviourist for an unknown amount of time to sort this problem… pretty sure one holiday over the past 7 years would have been feasible

Like I said, no - because my sister would have the dog.
i don’t know why you have such a bee in your bonnet about holidays, especially when the OP has stated that it’s down to funds too.
unless you are planning on stumping up for a holiday, they aren’t going. Dog or no dog.

also, on the play date topic. Both my children (now 12 and 8) would rather have the dog alive and with us than the opportunity to have friends around.
Her younger son seems to be content with it too, she hasn’t mentioned that he’s not.

I see a 15 year old boy who had his first girlfriend over for dinner and the backdrop was incesssnt loud barking from the dog.

I see a teen who has never had play dates when younger (so unlikely to have been invited over very often if never reciprocated) and now as a teen can’t have mates over to chill

i see a teen who next year will be doing his GCSEs and there will be little peace in the house

I see a next door neighbour who the neighbour has already heard shouting at her dog to shut up

Both my children (now 12 and 8) would rather have the dog alive and with us than the opportunity to have friends around.

well despite that being speculation, even if that was the case, this boy doesn’t feel the same and has articulated that to his mother

Ok. Now tell us what you see in her younger son who very much loves and wants the dog.

I mean, it’s not speculation.

4 years and another dog later, that dogs is still
very much talked about and remembered thanks

But still speculation as to whether they’d be happy to never have friends over

He’s had the dog for 7 years
It’s his brother’s turn to enjoy his home now

if I was walking across the street from someone and my dog just started barking at them unprompted, I would be full of apology.
well in the OP’s shoes you’d spend your life apologising @aperolspritzbasicbitch

😂😂😂 oh jeez, kicking OP’s whilst they are down is just one of your hobbies it would seem.

and yeah, if my dog starting barking at me whilst I was out and about because I stopped to talk to someone I would apologise. That’s the only time the OP has said she barks when out on walks (So completely different situation to what you’ve managed to find in the archives) , so I can’t say it would take a significant chunk of my life though.

This teen has been “down” for years by the sounds of it

and that was a quote from you @aperolspritzbasicbitch

Um, yup. Got that. Hence the comment on sticking the boot in not being your only hobby.

as also said, the OP didn’t say anything about the dog barking at people across the street, so different situation.

You realise if you keep the dog that as soon as your son is able to move out he will and you won’t see him again as he won’t come and visit you because of the dog? You will be choosing a dog over your son?!!

A good opportunity for your son to learn that dogs are living things and not disposable. Also that he doesn't always get his own way. What other things will he encounter in life that annoy him? He won't get to chuck them all out like trash.

How is that sticking the boot in?

I think the teen has sucked this up for 7 years and… the dog should be rehomed 🤷‍♀️