Teenager hates our dog

[WeetabixForDinner]

We have a 7 year old dog we've had since she was a puppy. The problem is her barking when she's home; she barks at people walking by, if she hears the word hello, a knock, if we're dancing around or playing, she is very hostile towards anyone she doesn't know, or sometimes just people not in the family, she even barks when we're out for a walk and I stop to talk to someone (at me this time). The barking is very loud and can go on for sometime. I took her to training when she was young but the barking was so bad I was getting bad looks and it got too much and I left. I have lived quite isolated since. We can't really have anyone round, it was horrendous when I bought a house and had people in to do work on it.

My 15yo hates her. I tells me everyday that she has ruined his childhood and he can't have friends round. He gets angry with her and will push her bum.

Apart from the above, she has been a lovely day and I absolutely love her, she is great off lead, incredibly affectionate, she's incredibly clever (which may be a contributing factor). Also, my 11yo disabled son adores her, he would be distraught if we needed to rehome her.

For one reason or another (never due to even considering puppies) time has passed and I never got her neutered. I am next month. Will this help?

She gets a lot of exercise, although there are some days during the week she needs more, I just struggle due to work and commuting and school, she never really has less than an hour a day off lead. She has a dog walker a few times a week. I WFH mostly so she's never left alone for long.

I am struggling to meet the needs of everyone in my household, and so everyone is unhappy.

And… what was his response?

His first girlfriend Op. he wants to bring her home. He probably would quite like a holiday too!

I would have said.. if not major improvement by end of summer, you will begin the process of rehoming

Define 'necessary'. In my case, it was necessary out of respect to my neighbours. And to my peace of mind. The constant barking was making me very cross with the dog and if you put it in those terms, affecting our relationship. I'm just a normal person trying to get through life with many balls in the air. My dog - a rescue by the way - is just one of those and no, I wasn't going to spend thousands of euros on trainers or hundreds of hours on training when I could use the reaaonable fix of an anti bark collar. At the end of the day, it's a dog, a pet, not a child.

@theleafandnotthetree of course constant barking isn’t ok. But there are better (and kinder) ways to deal with it. A collar squirting an unpleasant liquid in the face of a dog isn’t the answer. And for a dog like the OP’s who seems to be anxious? Could well exacerbate the problem.

It doesn't spray it in their face. It's a collar it sprays it on their neck.

A dog constantly barking is a form of mental torture. We had a neighbour whose dog did this. It barked all the time, it was absolutely maddening.

Until you have it properly trained, if the dog barks at the girlfriend/any friends of your son, you should take it out for a walk before or as soon as they arrive. Stay out until the person has gone. Show your son that you are making this your problem, not his, and that you are putting him before the dog at last.

Set a deadline for reducing the barking to an absolute minimum with realistic milestones. Work your arse off.

Book a family holiday and put the dog in kennels. Live with the anxiety and don’t spoil the holiday by making it all about the bloody dog: “Oh I hope little Rex is doing ok…” etc.

But most of all, apologise profusely to your son. And your neighbours. And sort the dog out.

It sleeps in the other son's bed

The bark collar we use is a vibrating one that buzzes after a certain number of barks. We only use it on the occassions when our dog is being an anti-social hooligan with his noise.

Works like a charm and one of my small human children often begs to be allowed to wear it herself so that she can bark and make it buzz (before collapsing in fits of giggles) so I really don't agree that it is cruel! It just disrupts him and stops him in his tracks when he's being a dick.

My dog is a lovely creature whom I love dearly but he is a pet and the idea of letting him ruin our family relationships, neighbourly relations or peace in general is absolutely bonkers when there is an easy fix for the rare occasions he's asking for an ASBO.

@WeetabixForDinner many people have the same line of thought that they’re doing right by their dog because they work from home and are with them all day.

Yes it’s nice you’re with her most days but that doesn’t do much for the dog unfortunately. You being there doesn’t offer physical or mental exercise, you’re just there.

To those suggesting 'bark collars'...have you actually read the thread? Instead of suggesting that, perhaps realise that the most obvious solution is for OP to put real effort into training her dog? She admits herself she has not.

Collars like that are for people who either can't be arsed or aren't capable of managing their dogs. Neither is a good look, and I certainly wouldn't be boasting about using them or recommending them for others.

@WeetabixForDinner Just because you're home all day and giving is 90 minutes exercise a day doesn't mean the dog is getting what it needs. I have gundogs and I work those that need it...because that's what generations of breeding have created- a dog that needs to be worked. Your dog is no different.

Honestly, I really would consider re-homing. No dog deserves to live in an environment where someone in the house actively hates it and pushes it around. Your son is very lucky she hasn't snapped - lots of dogs would if they were being pushed about and yelled at.

A dog is for life, not just because your son is a sullen teenager.

Sorry if this was already mentioned by someone, but nutering could make a big difference. It could calm the dog, be less terratorial, so yes less barking. It did so with my friends large breed!
When it's done, after a while I would retry training. Your dog will be in a different frame of mind, so it would be useful to await the nutering before training again.
Good luck, keep the faith!!

What breed is she? Some just bark!

A son is for life and shouldn't have to curtail his activities and friendships because of a pet.

💯

Some people on here genuinely seem to think that dogs are more important than children. It is not just a stroppy teenager. The poor boy has had to put up with this for years. He deserves a proper life and to be able to bring friends home.

I think so, too. You can be a dog lover and still realise this. That boy has effectively had his life curtailed and will be resentful. Now it's a problem to have the girlfriend round. I feel sorry for the OP, I think she's trying to find solutions, but why anyone would put an animal above their child's needs is baffling.

For half his LIFE….
no play dates
no mates around
no holidays (aside from a few days in the uk somewhere that takes dogs)
and now he has his first girlfriend and can’t even bring her around

it is just mind boggling that the op seems more concerned with the dog than her boy.

Oh shhhhh

I struggle to accept that rehoming a dog is less harmful than trying a bark collar first if that's the issue causing heartache.

By all means focus on training and meeting any additional needs as well but the bark collar stands a good chance of addressing the worst of the issue immediately and restoring a bit of harmony without going nuclear and cutting the dog off from the family it's known for 7 years (which seems rather drastic when all other options have not yet been exhausted).

For what it's worth, we generally only need to ASBO our dog with the collar when he's decided to join in the Twilight Bark with dogs in the next fields and refuses to stop 'chatting'. It's that or bring him inside and curtail his evening wanderings in the big enclosed garden which I think he'd like less.

@CaulkItWhatYouWant I think a dog that is pushed abut and lives with someone who hates it would probably be quite happy to be re-homed. At least that's my experience of having seen dogs in similar circumstances re-homed.

Dog's adjust incredibly quickly, particularly if their previous homes either couldn't meet their needs. I've known dogs go from cowering under a table in their existing house to being the life and soul of the party within a week in a different environment.

What’s the issue with pushing a dog on the bum

I have just hoofed my dog out the kitchen for coming looking for food having just scoffed her second meal of the day and has done very little given the hot weather!

@Turntheswitch when the person doesn't like the dog? Quite an issue.

We all gently nudge our dogs out the way. But I bet OP's DS isn't doing it half as nicely as people here would like to naively believe it is being done.

"He gets angry with her and will push her bum."

7 years of no play dates, no mates around, his girlfriend around for a meal and incessant barking, no holidays ever without the dog in the uk? I think I might be at my wit’s end

I think you're catastrophising this particular situation in which dog is adored by mum and one son and only disliked by the other because it had been allowed to interfere with the family's everyday life by incessantly barking at nothing.

The dog is not being abused or mistreated and is by all accounts generally happy and affectionate towards its family. Therefore an abrupt severing with its family is likely to be far more detrimental than a buzz on the neck when she starts woofing.

Stopping the barking is the immediate priority which will allow a chance of some equilibrium with the son being affected and I think it would be madness not to try it.

I don’t blame the teen
I don’t blame the dog
I squarely blame the op for need mumsnet to suggest the blindingly obvious of a dog behaviourist after 7 YEARS of this

and her poor neighbours, awful