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Partner wants me to rehome puppy

147 replies

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:00

I’m so angry right now having had a row with my partner over our puppy.

We have a gorgeous 4 month puppy, had her 2 months now and aside from the usual puppy biting and hyperactivity she’s been amazing.

We planned on getting a puppy and made sure everything was in place first. My partner works from home 4 days a week and goes in the office 1 day a week. I arranged my days off so that I’m off work on that one day a week until she’s old enough to be left for a short time with a dog walker coming in twice a day.

Now my partners job has suddenly changed the office day with no notice at all. That means all the days off I’ve booked don’t line up and puppy is still too young to be left a few hours alone, especially because she’s only been left for 10-20 minutes so far.

I need 3 months notice to change my shifts so I can’t change my hours at all.

I’ve told my partner to challenge this with work. They can’t simply change the office day with no notice at all when people have made commitments but they don’t want to do this. I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

Partner wants to ask family and friends to help. Puppy is terrified of other dogs which we are working on but anyone we know that could watch her also has a dog and it wouldn’t be fair to do this and likely make her fear worse. Or leave her alone with someone popping in a few times. This would be 8 hours alone with someone popping in twice in this time which I think is cruel at just 4 months old when she’s barely been left before. Or have our teenager miss school and stay home to look after her which is just ridiculous.

It’s ended in a massive argument where partner claims all the impact of a puppy falls on them which I disagree with as I do all the walks, all the training, all the puppy classes etc. but I do work out of the home so the daytimes when working from home do. Puppy is generally happy to play in play pen during this time so just needs rotating toys, licky mats, chews etc. all of which I prepare the night before and taking out to the toilet. I am being difficult refusing all the (unsuitable) suggestions.

It’s annoyed me how much effort is being made to appease a minimum wage job that have quite literally told all the staff their job isn’t safe and they are making massive cuts to the workforce so have advised everyone to look for jobs elsewhere. Partner hasn’t had a single day off sick in a year, one occasion isn’t the end of the world and better than literally neglecting our puppy. Or being firm with the manager who expects everyone to rearrange their lives at a moments notice.

I’m honestly at the point I’m going to walk away from my relationship at this point, but that will break our child’s heart also. We made a commitment to this puppy however and I’m not willing to rehome her.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 06/07/2025 00:06

You need to compromise on the family and friends thing. You just want your partner to give in, which is why he’s gone extreme.

Dinosaurshoebox · 06/07/2025 00:10

HeddaGarbled · 06/07/2025 00:06

You need to compromise on the family and friends thing. You just want your partner to give in, which is why he’s gone extreme.

Hes provided a solution.
You haven't. So what is your solution?

HeddaGarbled · 06/07/2025 00:19

Exactly, your solutions are him refusing to do something his employers have directed him to do or going off sick. That’s not reasonable. You’re not prepared to do either of those, are you?

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:30

HeddaGarbled · 06/07/2025 00:06

You need to compromise on the family and friends thing. You just want your partner to give in, which is why he’s gone extreme.

How do you compromise when they all have their own dog and our puppy literally shakes and bolts at the sight of another dog? It’s an issue we are working on but it’s not going to be solved in a few days! The trainer said don’t force the issue and let her learn that other dogs are not scary and forcing her to greet them will reinforce the fear.

OP posts:
Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:31

Dinosaurshoebox · 06/07/2025 00:10

Hes provided a solution.
You haven't. So what is your solution?

My solution is telling the manager you can’t change someone’s working hours with 3 days notice!

OP posts:
Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:32

HeddaGarbled · 06/07/2025 00:19

Exactly, your solutions are him refusing to do something his employers have directed him to do or going off sick. That’s not reasonable. You’re not prepared to do either of those, are you?

And keeping our child off school or traumatising our already nervous puppy isn’t a solution either though?

OP posts:
SummerFrog25 · 06/07/2025 00:57

You could try 'borrow my doggy' ?

657904I · 06/07/2025 01:00

I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

that’s ridiculous. For a minimum wage employee with shaky job security, are you not expecting him to be reprimanded over this? You can only get away with pulling sickies for changes in policy when you are salaried & valued.

657904I · 06/07/2025 01:01

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:31

My solution is telling the manager you can’t change someone’s working hours with 3 days notice!

You might not like it but it might be procedurally correct, have you checked what his contract states?

Dinosaurshoebox · 06/07/2025 01:04

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:31

My solution is telling the manager you can’t change someone’s working hours with 3 days notice!

Thats not a solution.
1 they can. And 2. You don't get to dictate that.

So again, either go with his solution or you come up with one.

Dinosaurshoebox · 06/07/2025 01:05

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 00:32

And keeping our child off school or traumatising our already nervous puppy isn’t a solution either though?

It's a dog. And animal
It will be fine.

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 01:10

OP, whilst all your friends may have dogs can they not call in every 3-4hours to say hello, let yours out etc for 20mins without their dogs? And surely the best day to socialise a puppy with other dogs is for them to spend time with other nice friendly dogs. Im 48 and have had dogs ALL my life and never seen a puppy that is 'terrified' of other dogs - nervous maybe - but left alone/to their own devices then they come out from behind the sofa etc and meet up and start playing. I think you dog trainer/behaviourist is a bit of a charlatan.

To leave a relationship over this is mad unless theres something else going on

Pistachiocake · 06/07/2025 01:13

If your puppy training classes are run by an experienced trainer/behaviourist, they will know lots of dog sitters/daycare for dogs etc and can recommend someone safe, and say what will be best for your dog-like kids, they aren't all the same. If your dog is nervous of other dogs, ask their advice about a 1:1 sitter. It does seem unfair that your partner's boss is making him change at short notice, but sadly this doesn't seem uncommon-lots of people have been left in the lurch about childcare/caring arrangements for older parents etc. Some workplaces are dog friendly, so might be worth asking, though if your dog's nervous that might not work even in a friendly office.

Ponderingwindow · 06/07/2025 01:14

Why would your child missing school even enter your mind?

Someone popping in to give the puppy a bathroom breaks is sufficient. It’s not ideal, but we are talking about dog, not a human.

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 01:19

657904I · 06/07/2025 01:00

I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

that’s ridiculous. For a minimum wage employee with shaky job security, are you not expecting him to be reprimanded over this? You can only get away with pulling sickies for changes in policy when you are salaried & valued.

Did you miss where I said they are already looking for a new job as the company is letting them all go soon anyway?

OP posts:
Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 01:20

Dinosaurshoebox · 06/07/2025 01:04

Thats not a solution.
1 they can. And 2. You don't get to dictate that.

So again, either go with his solution or you come up with one.

So I go with an unsuitable solution? I let my child call in sick to look after the puppy for example?

OP posts:
Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 01:21

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 01:10

OP, whilst all your friends may have dogs can they not call in every 3-4hours to say hello, let yours out etc for 20mins without their dogs? And surely the best day to socialise a puppy with other dogs is for them to spend time with other nice friendly dogs. Im 48 and have had dogs ALL my life and never seen a puppy that is 'terrified' of other dogs - nervous maybe - but left alone/to their own devices then they come out from behind the sofa etc and meet up and start playing. I think you dog trainer/behaviourist is a bit of a charlatan.

To leave a relationship over this is mad unless theres something else going on

She’s seriously terrified. She’s poo’d with fear when approached on a walk for example. She was really unwell after her second vaccine and it seems to have made her quite nervous.

OP posts:
Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 01:23

Pistachiocake · 06/07/2025 01:13

If your puppy training classes are run by an experienced trainer/behaviourist, they will know lots of dog sitters/daycare for dogs etc and can recommend someone safe, and say what will be best for your dog-like kids, they aren't all the same. If your dog is nervous of other dogs, ask their advice about a 1:1 sitter. It does seem unfair that your partner's boss is making him change at short notice, but sadly this doesn't seem uncommon-lots of people have been left in the lurch about childcare/caring arrangements for older parents etc. Some workplaces are dog friendly, so might be worth asking, though if your dog's nervous that might not work even in a friendly office.

Absolutely there is loads we could use. But not a single one that can do it with 3 days notice! 2 of those days being the weekend. I’ve spent all day phoning round. I can get availability from next week. Nothing sooner.

OP posts:
Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 01:23

Ponderingwindow · 06/07/2025 01:14

Why would your child missing school even enter your mind?

Someone popping in to give the puppy a bathroom breaks is sufficient. It’s not ideal, but we are talking about dog, not a human.

It didn’t enter my mind. It was my partners suggestion! I said no straight away and was yet again told I’m rejecting all the solutions.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 06/07/2025 01:26

Jeez, woman, shut up and read your replies, keep your fingers off that keyboard while you have a proper think. You need to find a compromise that isn’t your partner doing exactly what you dictate.

How about you go off sick?

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 01:36

Partnerorpuppy · 06/07/2025 01:21

She’s seriously terrified. She’s poo’d with fear when approached on a walk for example. She was really unwell after her second vaccine and it seems to have made her quite nervous.

And can any of your friends with dogs take her out without their own dogs - which I asked earlier until your 'trainer' works out a way of yours not being so terrified?

Meadowfinch · 06/07/2025 01:37

OP, yabu. Talk to your neighbours and friends. School exams are over. There will be 16 & 18 yos willing to pop in and play with your puppy in the garden for half an hour twice a day, for a small payment.

Zellycat · 06/07/2025 01:39

Not the right time for your family to have a puppy.
It clearly Needs a consistent person full time & you can’t provide it.

Rehome it. Obviously it already stressed in your home.

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 01:52

Zellycat · 06/07/2025 01:39

Not the right time for your family to have a puppy.
It clearly Needs a consistent person full time & you can’t provide it.

Rehome it. Obviously it already stressed in your home.

I wouldn't nornally agree with this but a puppy so young should regime easily, the OP who would consider leaving a relationship because of this seems 'odd', and I'm struggling to see a puppy at that age that would shit itself at the sight of another pup or dog. What happens if/when the dog falls ill and needs more care/attention later in life. It doesn't seem like an ideal home.

What breed is it? Have you spoken to the breeder?

Azandme · 06/07/2025 01:56

Why don't you phone in sick?