Partner wants me to rehome puppy

[Partnerorpuppy]

I’m so angry right now having had a row with my partner over our puppy.

We have a gorgeous 4 month puppy, had her 2 months now and aside from the usual puppy biting and hyperactivity she’s been amazing.

We planned on getting a puppy and made sure everything was in place first. My partner works from home 4 days a week and goes in the office 1 day a week. I arranged my days off so that I’m off work on that one day a week until she’s old enough to be left for a short time with a dog walker coming in twice a day.

Now my partners job has suddenly changed the office day with no notice at all. That means all the days off I’ve booked don’t line up and puppy is still too young to be left a few hours alone, especially because she’s only been left for 10-20 minutes so far.

I need 3 months notice to change my shifts so I can’t change my hours at all.

I’ve told my partner to challenge this with work. They can’t simply change the office day with no notice at all when people have made commitments but they don’t want to do this. I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

Partner wants to ask family and friends to help. Puppy is terrified of other dogs which we are working on but anyone we know that could watch her also has a dog and it wouldn’t be fair to do this and likely make her fear worse. Or leave her alone with someone popping in a few times. This would be 8 hours alone with someone popping in twice in this time which I think is cruel at just 4 months old when she’s barely been left before. Or have our teenager miss school and stay home to look after her which is just ridiculous.

It’s ended in a massive argument where partner claims all the impact of a puppy falls on them which I disagree with as I do all the walks, all the training, all the puppy classes etc. but I do work out of the home so the daytimes when working from home do. Puppy is generally happy to play in play pen during this time so just needs rotating toys, licky mats, chews etc. all of which I prepare the night before and taking out to the toilet. I am being difficult refusing all the (unsuitable) suggestions.

It’s annoyed me how much effort is being made to appease a minimum wage job that have quite literally told all the staff their job isn’t safe and they are making massive cuts to the workforce so have advised everyone to look for jobs elsewhere. Partner hasn’t had a single day off sick in a year, one occasion isn’t the end of the world and better than literally neglecting our puppy. Or being firm with the manager who expects everyone to rearrange their lives at a moments notice.

I’m honestly at the point I’m going to walk away from my relationship at this point, but that will break our child’s heart also. We made a commitment to this puppy however and I’m not willing to rehome her.

So basically, your partner didn't want a dog, you did, so you got one anyway despite the fact you, the person who wanted the dog, are out of the house a lot and the person who was going to be at home with the dog is your partner who didn't want it.
You shouldn't have got a dog if really only one of you truly wanted it.

OP when you say “We planned on getting a puppy and made sure everything was in place first”… I don’t think you really did proper planning, which has unfortunately resulted in the situation you and the poor dog now find yourself in. By your own admission your partners current job sounds pretty unstable, I’m not sure why you didn’t make plans for what would happen with the dog if his job changed? (I think this should have probably been thought about even if the job wasn’t on shaky ground).
Also, unless I’ve missed something, why is it your partner needs to call in sick? can’t you call in sick for a couple of days to make up the shortfall before the dog walker can come in if that’s your solution??

Sorry OP I've just read your other post where you've said he was the one wanted the dog - this is his problem to solve then.

If he was the one wanted it I'd rehone the puppy as clearly he's made a mistake and it would be kinder to rehone while puppy is still young and can find a forever home.

Has your partner been at this new job less than 2 years? If they haven’t taken a sick day for a year, it makes sense that they wouldn’t want to start taking sick days now when their job is at risk. You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your partner for taking a lower paid job, but if their old job wasn’t making them happy, it was probably the right thing to do.

If your partner isn’t willing to call in sick, either you do, or the puppy stays on their own. There really aren’t other options. If you’re self employed can you not arrange a shorter day? Are none of your family and friends willing to look after the dog without their own dog?

I absolutely wouldn’t rehome a dog over any of this as others have suggested. You’ll figure it out I’m sure.

FWIW I made the mistake of coddling my puppy. My sibling and I got puppies from the same litter and she started leaving them for short bursts straight away. I took a week of annual leave and took the puppy everywhere with me (I WFH full time). The result was my sibling having a dog that is absolutely content being left alone all day if necessary and me having a dog with separation anxiety.

I think your problem is not your puppy, its your partner. I would rehome the puppy as honestly I can't see a way of your keeping it that would be kind to the puppy. Go back to the breeder (you did get it from a reputable breeder didn't you?) and sort something out for the puppy. Its a great pity but terrible timing. THEN sort out your good for nothing partner with a boot up the arse.

this does not always work that way. Trust me I know!

OP
There are lots of dog lovers on here. If you are near to me I would happily come and see your dog several times a day until you get something more permanent sorted. I can see someone else has already offered, but is not near you.
If you post your approximate location maybe you would get an acceptable offer?

Surly the answer is for your friends with dogs to pop in.
Just because they have dogs doesn’t mean they have to bring them .
what time does your son leave for school and return? Would this cut down on the time the puppy is left.

I agree with you. I think the Op has got the puppy too used to having constant company and hasn’t dealt with the anxiety around other dogs. It’s making a rod for her own back.

‘but if their old job wasn’t making them happy, it was probably the right thing to do’. It’s not as simple as that for most households, with bills to pay.

OP’s partner isn’t pulling their weight with the puppy, their job circumstances could easily change meaning less time at home (foreseeable but ignored by OP/DP), and OP works out of the home four days a week.

The best thing for the puppy is likely to be moving to a better home - more chance of this working out whilst puppy is still young.

You have a secure and obviously professional job if you earn three times your partner and were allowed to take a whole month off in order to toilet train your puppy, but having 3 days off sick means you won’t be able to pay the bills?! Seriously?!

If you have a school aged child then why would the dog be on their own for 10 hours on a working day? Is your child not old enough to be home alone after school?
As your partner suggested the child taking time off to look after the dog it would seem not.

So in reality the dog would only be alone during school hours for 1 day. This isn't worth having all this angst about. Just leave the dog. Needs must.

You said two of the days were at the weekend, so tour DC wouldn’t miss school these days. This leaves one day to cover - surly you calling in sick on day wouldn’t mean you can’t pay the bills.

If you’ve spent much time with a range of dog trainers you’d know the range of opinions is staggering! It’s why there’s no unified standard.

Leading to my first point, if family and friends have an old, chilled dog, many trainers would say it’s the best thing in the world to get them to spend a day together and could really help. You have only one trainers opinion.

Two, why can’t you go sick for a week? Why him? If your job likes you and you won’t get an issue (and will get time to sort the dog for the future ) why are you not willing to do what you ask of him?

I completely agree you shouldn’t really rehome, a dog is for life and all that

OP, do you have any local FB groups you could post a plea for help on? If you only need help for a day or two that might work. Or Rover.com might have someone who can help out in this immediate crisis. It's not forever, it's just having someone in the house for a day who's not going to charge the earth.

My dog went to daycare at five months old, at first where there was just one older dog. He's a confident little hooligan, but it would have been perfect for a nervous pup as the other dog is so lovely and gentle. Don't rule it out in the longer term.

I completely agree that you can't leave the pup on its own, and that your partner is being unreasonable expecting that. But it does sound like there are more problems than just the pup right now, and that's probably feeding into his stubbornness on this. Maybe after this immediate crisis is done, that's something to work out next.

Nope. We both wanted a dog, partner wanted a puppy. I wanted an adult rescue. Partner chose the breed and contacted the breeder and clearly massively underestimated how intense puppies are. Partner even wanted to get 2 and I put my foot down saying no.

It’s not about the old job making them happy, it’s laziness. The new job means not having to wake up at 7am, not having to drive home after work, being able to watch TV and play computer games while ‘working’, taking naps while working and most days not even get dressed or showered to go to work. That’s why the job change happened.

Can you explain how I’m the one who got the dog used to constant company when I leave the house every single day and it’s my partner who never leaves. I’ve even suggested just sitting in the garden or car for a while so she’s not used to them constantly being there but again laziness and can’t be bothered attitude means this has happened.

I tend to agree you have made a rod for your own back , surely the days you work from home you practice what you preach and leave the puppy in a different room .
As for the nervousness surely you introduce them to a calm adult dog .
Although not ideal leaving the puppy for longer than you would like for a few days won’t hurt.

You say pup has been amazing but then say your partner finds it intense .
You do the puppy classes, how ? When your puppy is so nervous.

Ok. I will rephrase it. The dog has got used to constant company because your dp is working from home but the end result is the same. It does sound like your dp isn’t on board with the training and that’s unacceptable. Tbh I didn’t mind being the one doing the clearing up with toilet training but I made sure the whole family were on board with the general training.
I think it’s really sad that your dp is so quick to give up on this poor little puppy. It’s just irresponsible really. Reading everything you have said, I think the only realistic option is to ask friends to pop in to check on your puppy. Hopefully you can also get the dog more used to other dogs over time.

Well we’ve had another big argument because it turns out the reason why partner won’t raise with the manager that 3 days notice isn’t enough is because it wasn’t 3 days notice. The email was sent 6 fucking weeks ago! And the reminder email on Friday. So my partner has known for 6 weeks that the dog sitter we have booked is booked for the wrong day! But then forgot and only told me on Friday. The dog walker came out to meet us both AFTER my fucking partner already knew the office day was changing and sat there while I told the walker what days we need her, apparently they forgot. That’s it now. Yet again my partners lack of foresight and forward planning has become my problem to solve. The relationship isn’t going to work. It was only 6 months ago that I was taking emergency leave from work to get my partners car MOT’d after they forgot it was due and I found out it had expired 3 months earlier. I am sick of their lack of consideration for anyone or anything but themselves. So I’m done! I’m taking some time off work to make a longer term plan for puppy with dog walker and sitter and will be asking partner to move out in this time also.

well that’s truly shit of DP. Waste of space

i wouldn’t compromise your earning ability for the dog.

Exactly that though,he needs to grow a backbone.

Why are you saying ‘they’ instead of he/she?

It sounds to me like your partner didn’t really want the dog in the first place