Partner wants me to rehome puppy

[Partnerorpuppy]

I’m so angry right now having had a row with my partner over our puppy.

We have a gorgeous 4 month puppy, had her 2 months now and aside from the usual puppy biting and hyperactivity she’s been amazing.

We planned on getting a puppy and made sure everything was in place first. My partner works from home 4 days a week and goes in the office 1 day a week. I arranged my days off so that I’m off work on that one day a week until she’s old enough to be left for a short time with a dog walker coming in twice a day.

Now my partners job has suddenly changed the office day with no notice at all. That means all the days off I’ve booked don’t line up and puppy is still too young to be left a few hours alone, especially because she’s only been left for 10-20 minutes so far.

I need 3 months notice to change my shifts so I can’t change my hours at all.

I’ve told my partner to challenge this with work. They can’t simply change the office day with no notice at all when people have made commitments but they don’t want to do this. I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

Partner wants to ask family and friends to help. Puppy is terrified of other dogs which we are working on but anyone we know that could watch her also has a dog and it wouldn’t be fair to do this and likely make her fear worse. Or leave her alone with someone popping in a few times. This would be 8 hours alone with someone popping in twice in this time which I think is cruel at just 4 months old when she’s barely been left before. Or have our teenager miss school and stay home to look after her which is just ridiculous.

It’s ended in a massive argument where partner claims all the impact of a puppy falls on them which I disagree with as I do all the walks, all the training, all the puppy classes etc. but I do work out of the home so the daytimes when working from home do. Puppy is generally happy to play in play pen during this time so just needs rotating toys, licky mats, chews etc. all of which I prepare the night before and taking out to the toilet. I am being difficult refusing all the (unsuitable) suggestions.

It’s annoyed me how much effort is being made to appease a minimum wage job that have quite literally told all the staff their job isn’t safe and they are making massive cuts to the workforce so have advised everyone to look for jobs elsewhere. Partner hasn’t had a single day off sick in a year, one occasion isn’t the end of the world and better than literally neglecting our puppy. Or being firm with the manager who expects everyone to rearrange their lives at a moments notice.

I’m honestly at the point I’m going to walk away from my relationship at this point, but that will break our child’s heart also. We made a commitment to this puppy however and I’m not willing to rehome her.

This is the consequence when two people who work get a puppy. Your partner is unsupportive and both your jobs are inflexible. The puppy is already nervous and many nervous dogs are not happy to be left alone, even when older. You have made your lives very complicated.
Rehome now would be a very good idea. Edit to add will the breeder take the puppy back?

Dogs aren’t generally ok alone until they are mature. They can be slowly exposed to time alone but flooding as in letting them get distressed does not work. Could you learn it’s ok to be alone when having a panic attack? Nope.

Some pups cope but many don’t. So the reality is company on hand until pup is an adult. My own is a super independent breed and wasn’t ok reliably until 18 months where we’ve been able to build time alone from seconds to hours relatively quickly and consistently. That was with lots of confidence building games as a pup and as long an absence as could be coped with.

That is just fact. It sounds like it’s going to be harder work alone than together if your job is inflexible with more time in office than one day a week! We’ve had a similar set up to you and the odd day DH has had to be in person we’ve worked round until pup now dog was reliably happy for pop ins by me as I work a few minutes walk away flexibly. It’s taken a lot of juggling and good will from my employer (they get the benefits of mine elsewhere!)

Puppies are a full time job until they become dogs.

You sound insufferable. It isn’t your partner’s fault. And you are extremely condescending about his minimum wage job & your 3 x salary. You chose him.

@SpanielsGalore , I thought OP was a man and the partner female, or possibly OP was in a same-sex relationship.

@getearnow Why are you saying ‘they’ instead of he/she? when the dog is a she.

Are you missing the deliberately quit a better paid job to be lazy in this job? And that they had 6 weeks notice and yet gave me 3 days? At the very least read the OPs post before commenting ffs

Because partner uses they / them

Honestly I couldn’t cope with living with someone like your partner. I would be furious if my husband knew about an important change to his working pattern for six weeks and didn’t tell me. Add to that how it impacts the puppy and I would be livid. I can tell you take your responsibility to the puppy seriously. Good on you.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread.

@Partnerorpuppy at 16 weeks your puppy is going through another fear stage, so being afraid of other dogs on a walk is kind of normal for an introvert puppy. I'm assuming puppy is OK with the other pups at puppy class.

Your best bet is to have one family member/ friend to look after your puppy while you both work. You can introduce both dogs on neutral ground. To ensure the older dog is ok with a puppy.

Your puppy will be fine, and this arrangement will teach them some vital dog manners that they are clearly lacking at the moment.

And don't forget schools break up for summer in a few weeks time, so it's a temporary solution. Then your DC can take over the care for the puppy.

I think If you are willing to end your marriage to the father of your children over a puppy that you've had a few weeks then your marriage is broken anyway.

I’m so sorry you’re going through the stress of all this. You sound like a very caring dog owner and you’ve done your best to facilitate looking after your dog alongside your career and family. Your partner sounds lazy and irresponsible. you sound very capable and determined and I’m sure your work things out for you and your puppy.

He chose to work less hours and take a 50% pay cut on the premisthat he could do more at home. So yes, she can tell him to take the time off because from what the OP has written previously, if you can go back further into the thread, he's sounds like he had plenty of spare time on his hands even when he's supposed to be working. He's the one not sticking to his part of the bargain! Life throws shit at you every now and then so everyone has to do their bit to much in. It's not just a case of rehoming the puppy and it's not the puppy's fault! Her husband sounds like a lazy dick to me. Just trying to do the bare minimum. Can upset her but not his boss. He should grow a backbone!

WFH and a puppy absolutely can mix. I managed to WFH with a puppy on my knee for weeks, including toilet breaks at 30 minute intervals until DDog was old enough to be left alone while I work elsewhere in the house. Neither work nor puppy suffered.

You have assumed that OP’s partner is male. OP’s partner goes by ‘they’ not ‘he’

This!!!

I haven’t RTFT so sorry if this has already been suggested but perhaps you could use this as a way to get her used to other dogs. Two birds, one stone.

So, do any of your friends or family have a mature dog that would be comfortable in your home with only 2 dog walks in an 8 hour period. Would they let you keep their dog at your house and your puppy at their house for the day? That way, perhaps the puppy could get used to a different dog’s smell - as long as has something with her that smells like you this could work in her getting used to it. Eventually, she could then be very slowly introduced to that dog until maybe they could be happy in each other’s company and that would solve your problem.

OP hasn't objected and lots of people on here assumed it's a he. Have you had a word with all of them?

Yes

Yabu, and a bit mad, but you’re not willing to hear what everyone is telling you because you are convinced you are right.

Fool

I bet a million pounds this they/them is a lazy selfish man. The scales seem to have well and truly dropped, I wonder how long before you stop indulging his ridiculous pronoun demands too?

It's very easy to deduce from the behaviour that this is a man.
Compelled pronoun use is coercive and nobody is obliged to go along with it if they don't want to.

Let your dog be with someone with a friendly dog