Partner wants me to rehome puppy

[Partnerorpuppy]

I’m so angry right now having had a row with my partner over our puppy.

We have a gorgeous 4 month puppy, had her 2 months now and aside from the usual puppy biting and hyperactivity she’s been amazing.

We planned on getting a puppy and made sure everything was in place first. My partner works from home 4 days a week and goes in the office 1 day a week. I arranged my days off so that I’m off work on that one day a week until she’s old enough to be left for a short time with a dog walker coming in twice a day.

Now my partners job has suddenly changed the office day with no notice at all. That means all the days off I’ve booked don’t line up and puppy is still too young to be left a few hours alone, especially because she’s only been left for 10-20 minutes so far.

I need 3 months notice to change my shifts so I can’t change my hours at all.

I’ve told my partner to challenge this with work. They can’t simply change the office day with no notice at all when people have made commitments but they don’t want to do this. I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

Partner wants to ask family and friends to help. Puppy is terrified of other dogs which we are working on but anyone we know that could watch her also has a dog and it wouldn’t be fair to do this and likely make her fear worse. Or leave her alone with someone popping in a few times. This would be 8 hours alone with someone popping in twice in this time which I think is cruel at just 4 months old when she’s barely been left before. Or have our teenager miss school and stay home to look after her which is just ridiculous.

It’s ended in a massive argument where partner claims all the impact of a puppy falls on them which I disagree with as I do all the walks, all the training, all the puppy classes etc. but I do work out of the home so the daytimes when working from home do. Puppy is generally happy to play in play pen during this time so just needs rotating toys, licky mats, chews etc. all of which I prepare the night before and taking out to the toilet. I am being difficult refusing all the (unsuitable) suggestions.

It’s annoyed me how much effort is being made to appease a minimum wage job that have quite literally told all the staff their job isn’t safe and they are making massive cuts to the workforce so have advised everyone to look for jobs elsewhere. Partner hasn’t had a single day off sick in a year, one occasion isn’t the end of the world and better than literally neglecting our puppy. Or being firm with the manager who expects everyone to rearrange their lives at a moments notice.

I’m honestly at the point I’m going to walk away from my relationship at this point, but that will break our child’s heart also. We made a commitment to this puppy however and I’m not willing to rehome her.

If 2 out of the 3 days are weekend days, then your teenager can cover them. Does that mean you've only got 1 day to cover until the summer holidays? That shouldn't be too hard.

I’m so glad I’m a cat person - I can’t believe you took a month off work to look after a dog - it’s insane!

Your partner sounds like a waste of space tbh. If you can’t get a dog sitter for a couple of days is there a concept of a litter tray for puppies? It seems very unfair to the little chap to rehome because there’s a few days he can’t be watched 24/7.

I do wonder how anyone has ever had a pet dog prior to 2020 and wfh becoming more common as the care they seem to need doesn’t gel with people working outside the home at all.

I've just left my three with people they don't know well. The older two had met their person on four previous occasions, but the puppy had never met her minder before. They were all fine and puppy in particular had an absolute blast.

It may not be ideal, but sometimes life throws obstacles in your path and it becomes a necessity.

In this situation, I would go with the friends or family option. Puppy may be frightened of other dogs, but the situation can be managed with stair gates or play pens. And being around a calm, older dog might help puppy get over her fear.

Plus I love the way everyone assumes the partner is a man.

It sounds like you and your partner agreed one thing, but the reality has turned out to be very different. I don't think having a dog works for your family at this time, sorry. I would also be rethinking the relationship.

Can neither of you put in an annual leave day?
It doesn't sound like relying on your partner being at home is going to work. If his employer has changed his office day with very little notice, they may just decide in a few weeks to increase the number of days he has to be in the office. It sounds like he hasn't worked there long and he probably doesn't want to be difficult in this early stage of employment.
Calling in sick when you aren't sick isn't great.

A family member/ friend could keep the puppy separated from their dog ( seen as it is only for one day).

We can make changes. It’s only getting 3 days notice is the issue. I can’t get a dog sitter in 3 days. I can get one starting from next week.

It was my partner. We lost our other dog 4 years ago. He was an adult rescue. We’ve both said over the years we miss having a dog. I was unhappy when my partner left a well paid secure job for one that I personally think they got as it allow them to be lazy. My partner was the one saying at least we can get a dog now. I wasn’t keen on a puppy, I would have preferred to go for an adult rescue again. My partner was the one who wanted a puppy and underestimated how much work a puppy is. My partner chose the breed and was the one who contacted the breeder also.

Are you seriously suggesting it’s better than my child misses school and takes the week off sick than my partner? That’s absolutely not happening.

It’s a problem for 1 week! I can get a dog sitter from next week. The problem isn’t the change in days, the problem is only having 3 days notice of this.

I meant 2 out of the 3 days notice we got are weekends, so a lot of the daycare places I’m phoning are closed.

Why don't you call in sick?

I took a months annual leave when we got the puppy. I have also used all my annual leave booking off my partners office day until the puppy is old enough to be left. I’m hoping I can cancel some of this but as it stands I have no annual leave left. My partner needs to give a weeks notice to request annual leave and was only given 3 days notice of the change in day.

I am not relying on partner being home long term. It’s a 3 month period only. And we’ve done 2 of those months already. But I can get the pet sitter we have booked August to start early but she can’t start next week. Nowhere can start next week. The change isn’t the problem. The lack of notice is the problem.

If I call in sick we can’t pay the bills. I earn 3 times my partner. It makes no financial sense at all for the higher paid person to be taking time off when they don’t need to.

You earn 3 times him but you don't get sick pay? Are you self employed? If 3 days of no work is going to break the bank then you can't afford a dog surely? I am sorry, this is a mess but you can't expect your minimum wage earning partner with precarious job security to call in sick. If you have the better job then you must have commensurate better job security and will be able to get away with pulling a sickie as a one off.

You can one hundred percent leave the puppy for a few hours. Puppies sleep, like babies, by not leaving it for longer than 20 minutes you’re going to make it have separation anxiety.

On advice from the breeder - From 8 weeks old our puppy was left for an hour in the morning (school drop off) and an hour at pick up time. We started off with an hour, then two hours and now we can leave her for four hours with no problem if we need to. We both WFH so we rarely need to do this but maybe once a week she’s fine I wouldn’t do longer than that. Never once has he weed or poohed in that time.

You need to start building up the amount of time you leave her. Have you and your DH not been out together for more than 20 mins in the last four months?

Your updates further reinforce that this is a DP problem, DP does not come across at all well. although you agreed to and also have responsibility for the puppy.

It’s good that it’s just one week to juggle, for now: agree that your DP should sort out a solution such as family or a friend helping out, take short notice annual leave or phone in sick (employer will likely be unimpressed, but that’s DP’s problem).

OP CAN expect DP to sort it, after DP unilaterally chose to significantly worsen their earnings and employment situation, chose a puppy, then didn’t do their share of caring for it.

I think your responses to solutions show an unwillingness to compromise. Doggy day care or people popping in with their dogs to help out are perfect ways to begin socialisation. If you don’t relax a little you are going to end up with an uptight unsocialised dog.

Don’t think OP has said that her DP is a man. Would hazard a guess that DP IS a man, though! Certainly behaving like a cocklodger.

As a pp said, there are loads and loads of teenagers at home at the moment, who have just finished A levels and GCSE’s.
Use Facebook, next door etc to find one to dog sit.

Or being in the company of a friendly, calm, socialised dog will do the puppy a world of good. It might be shaking and hiding under the furniture for a short while, but will soon learn that there isn’t much to be afraid of.

This. My son and his friends are desperately trying to find work over the summer. Put a note on local Facebook, invite a few around and you’ll easily find a nice, responsible kid who would love to look after a puppy all day.

Let’s not forget my partner left a secure job paying double to get this job so those choices are completely on them.

Yes I’m self employed. I have protection policies in place but they kick in after 1 week but not going in next week would mean I risk losing a project that’s actually a full month's.

I can leave her and she’s fine when I go but not my partner. My partner almost never leaves the house unless forced to so no hasn’t been working on this despite me asking. She would need to be left for 10 hours with someone popping in twice with only 3 days to get her used to that. It’s not possible.

Have you missed that we have 3 days notice? I can get a dog sitter from next week.

Have you also missed that we have trainers working on her dog fear? She was very unwell after her second vaccine. Had seizures and went into liver failure. She was admitted to the vets for 10 days in total alongside other unwell dogs that she could see and hear barking. She seems to have linked this unwell feeling to other dogs and now is terrified. We are working on this constantly and she’s getting better but it’s not an overnight fix.