Partner wants me to rehome puppy

[Partnerorpuppy]

I’m so angry right now having had a row with my partner over our puppy.

We have a gorgeous 4 month puppy, had her 2 months now and aside from the usual puppy biting and hyperactivity she’s been amazing.

We planned on getting a puppy and made sure everything was in place first. My partner works from home 4 days a week and goes in the office 1 day a week. I arranged my days off so that I’m off work on that one day a week until she’s old enough to be left for a short time with a dog walker coming in twice a day.

Now my partners job has suddenly changed the office day with no notice at all. That means all the days off I’ve booked don’t line up and puppy is still too young to be left a few hours alone, especially because she’s only been left for 10-20 minutes so far.

I need 3 months notice to change my shifts so I can’t change my hours at all.

I’ve told my partner to challenge this with work. They can’t simply change the office day with no notice at all when people have made commitments but they don’t want to do this. I’ve said you might need to call in sick next week until we find a solution as 3 days isn’t enough time to get a dog sitter as they are all booked up.

Partner wants to ask family and friends to help. Puppy is terrified of other dogs which we are working on but anyone we know that could watch her also has a dog and it wouldn’t be fair to do this and likely make her fear worse. Or leave her alone with someone popping in a few times. This would be 8 hours alone with someone popping in twice in this time which I think is cruel at just 4 months old when she’s barely been left before. Or have our teenager miss school and stay home to look after her which is just ridiculous.

It’s ended in a massive argument where partner claims all the impact of a puppy falls on them which I disagree with as I do all the walks, all the training, all the puppy classes etc. but I do work out of the home so the daytimes when working from home do. Puppy is generally happy to play in play pen during this time so just needs rotating toys, licky mats, chews etc. all of which I prepare the night before and taking out to the toilet. I am being difficult refusing all the (unsuitable) suggestions.

It’s annoyed me how much effort is being made to appease a minimum wage job that have quite literally told all the staff their job isn’t safe and they are making massive cuts to the workforce so have advised everyone to look for jobs elsewhere. Partner hasn’t had a single day off sick in a year, one occasion isn’t the end of the world and better than literally neglecting our puppy. Or being firm with the manager who expects everyone to rearrange their lives at a moments notice.

I’m honestly at the point I’m going to walk away from my relationship at this point, but that will break our child’s heart also. We made a commitment to this puppy however and I’m not willing to rehome her.

Your partner is right. He’s with the puppy most of the time, and he’s clearly not happy.

Why do your feelings trump his?

Return the puppy to the breeder - your setup is not remotely suitable and, being quite honest, I’m sure your DP probably never wanted the puppy to started with.

And worth being aware that dogs pick up on negative emotions - it’s important to be careful about how you say what you say around them. I imagine your aggression and attitude are more responsible for its terror than the second vaccine issue.

Don't be ridiculous! You can't trust a random stranger with a nervous puppy 😠

It's not ridiculous.

I have looked after several 'nervous ' tiny puppies. I don't currently have my own dog so that's not an issue either. I live near a beautiful woods/river/lake that's perfect for nervous little puppy walks/sniffs & some brilliant dog fields to start learning about 'off lead' lots of love & patience.

I also have an older housebound friend with a lovely garden who 'puppy sits'. People drop their puppies/dogs off on the understanding they get company/a lot of fuss but not walks. Garden & games.

so stow your 'ridiculous '

No. Sorry.
I'm sure that there are people like you who are very responsible, but over the years I have heard too many horror stories about people trusting a stranger to care for their dog.
I would never leave my dogs with anybody they didn't know well.
My opinion on this will never change.

Your partner’s employer can require them in.

Would keep trying to get a pet sitter at short notice to tide you through. And reflect on what you’d do for dog care if your relationship ends.

You weren’t in a stable enough position workwise to get a puppy since your partner being home depended on a low paid, insecure job. It wasn’t a responsible decision.

It might well be better for the puppy to move to a more suitable home if that’s feasible

Understandable you’re very pissed off with your partner, and considering the future, for the 50% pay cut / job change to a poor job thing and not doing a fair share of dog care, when both of you took the decision. Big things to let you down about.

Its irrelevant that you earn more than your DP. You both work, his job is important to him, your job is important to you. You are a partnership. Why should he 'go off sick'? Its a problem you both need to solve. Can you take some last minute leave? I dont think you should expect him to solve the problem because you get paid more. You both need to make sacrifices.

They clearly can. They have, get over it.

I loves dogs. But you are being insane. You cannot tell an employer you aren't complying with an instruction because you have to dog sit the puppy.

Household income is not ‘irrelevant’. OP’s DP unilaterally moved to an insecure job paying 50% less. DP hasn’t shown much partnership regarding care of the dog.

DP is unreliable and unwilling to do their share of caring for the dog. Their work and amount of time at home for work is now unstable. If OP can’t rely on her DP on this and can’t look after the dog weekdays then she’s not in a good position to keep the dog.

I wouldn't choose to either, but given her options I think a middle aged woman (me) with lots of references/photos.vet recommendations etc or my housebound older friend are pretty safe bets.

@Partnerorpuppy I'd be getting rid of the partner.

@SummerFrog25 out of interest, how does one get a vet recommendation?

And age has nothing to do with someone’s ability to look after, nor train, a puppy. 😊

An employer can change on-site days if that’s what they want to do. Saying, ‘I’ve arranged my life so I can stay at home and look after my puppy’ isn’t going to go down very well, even more so if the job is on the line.

I had to change on-site days for a team member a couple of years ago and they had assumed the rotation would always stay the same so had also got a dog. Unless remote/homeworking days are sealed in a contract, you cannot reasonably assume they will always stay that way.

From an employers’ point of view, the business needs come first, not your desire to have a puppy. Sorry OP, but you’ll need to organise something else. Requesting employers’ flexibility for your dog isn’t going to work.

Who actually wanted the puppy- you say we but seems you were the driving force?

I suggest you contact the breeder you bought the puppy from seem if they have any suggestions, and yes handing back might be one of those. You seriously seem to think that your DP should jeopardise his already shaky job security to look after a puppy. I bet you would be even less happy if he lost his job and wasn’t contributing to finances.

Sorry I seem unhelpful, but it doesn’t seem like you were in a great position to get a dog anyway.

The suggestion of paying a (known) post-exams teenager to sit around in your house watching TV and occasionally opening the back door is a good one. That seems to be all your partner does, after all.

one asks ones local village vet they've been involved with for years, who recommends you for post op care & help with new litters, fir a written reference.

it's not complicated.

a middle aged woman with a massive amount of references etc & an older housebound woman are far safer bet then other options.

MN is glitching this morning & has dropped the posts I was replying to @LandSharksAnonymous

See above reply

@SummerFrog25 I have to be honest, I cannot believe any vets would recommend anyone to help people manage their dogs or look after them. The liability risk alone when something goes wrong would be insane. My vets don’t even recommend kennels or dog walkers (even those that are insured) for this exact reason, let alone some stranger with no qualifications or insurance (that they have mentioned, anyway).

And I’m sorry to say, I think you’re being a bit ageist saying people of a particular age are better at looking after dogs than other people.

So I call nonsense on everything you have said.

You just seem angry at him for not doing what you want you.you need to sort out your dogs fear of dogs ASAP or it will stick have you not socialised your pup ? Anyway he can't change his day there has to be another solution .id look around for pet sitters and sort it out.

And the manager tells him he'll have to suck it up. How is that a solution?

I absolutely understand why you are stressed (which is coming out as anger) but you can’t expect your partner to risk his job over a puppy. And surely you wouldn’t walk out on your partner and break up the family just because he wasn’t prepared to fight against his employers and refuse to do what what they ask of him?

I can’t help get the feeling that based on what you’ve said about how little he cares, that he wasn’t that bothered about getting the puppy in the first place?

But anyway, I think the only viable option is, depending on your child’s age and their ability to be home alone and in charge of the puppy, just let them take the rest of the term off sick.

I cant believe people's replies.
Are you guys actually reading the OPs follow up posts?

Your partner sounds like a massive dick OP. YANBU

You can believe whatever you want to.

I didn't say we were better at looking after dogs I said we were a pretty safe bet, safety wise.

i don't need your approval.

You’re treating your dog like a child. He’s plenty old enough to be left on his own and he needs to get used to other dogs. You’re encouraging separation anxiety.

Op if you have a teenager then surly this is only a problem for a couple of weeks as he'll be on summer holidays shortly.

I think the idea of having someone pop in a couple of times a day would be OK. Your puppy does need to get used to being left for a few hours at a time or otherwise you'll end up with a dog like my inlaws have thay can't be left at all.

A previous poster suggested a local teen that has finished exams and has some spare time. Can you text friends with teens for a short term solution and then get a dog sitter.
Long term it doesn’t sound ideal with your husband doing nothing though so that may be a reason so re-home anyway.

I have a vet in my family - she won't even walk my dog because of the horror stories she's heard from dog owners who trusted someone else with their dog. So I'm firmly with @LandSharksAnonymous on this one. Vets don't hand out recommendations on word of mouth at all, they would be risking their job by doing so.
I'm also not convinced that daycare/dog walkers is a suitable set up for all puppies. I think in this case, where one partner lacks commitment to a dog, rehoming the pup might be a better option.