AIBU to rehome my dog

[Soupysally]

I’ve had my cocker spaniel since she was a puppy in 2019 and previously was my world. In 2023 I fell pregnant and became a single mum to my DS in 2024.
since then I’ve been really struggling with my dog, I get frustrated really easily at her, and she’s not getting the attention she deserves in the house. On top of that I have returned to work including an hour commute each way which is hard to fit in my work hours around childcare, but essentially leave no time to walk the dog, and I can’t just take her out in the evenings as I have my DS in bed. I have no family who can help out locally, and money is too tight to be paying for a dog walker several times a week.
I feel so guilty, overwhelmed and a failure considering rehoming her, but I am starting to believe it’s what’s best for everyone. I of course would look to rehome her through a reputable charity such as spaniel aid. Am I being unreasonable?

Yep. I certainly didn’t think that I’d end up divorced and living in a two bed flat in my early fifties. When I got my dog as a puppy, I was married and living comfortably in a three bed detached house with a big garden and working part time.

Circumstances changed unexpectedly and I was very fortunate to find somewhere I could afford that accepted pets. For the best part of four years, I was out walking my boy in all weathers six times a day because I didn’t have a garden. Up at 5.30 most mornings with the last walk at 10pm. The only thing that made it possible was DS being 17 at the time and I worked permanently from home. In the OP’s situation, I would have had no option but to rehome my dog.

Wishing you all the best @Soupysally with whatever you decide.

What, like these rare extraordinary things that happen in life like losing your job, relationship breakdown & being on maternity leave? Come on, these are normal things that happen in many people’s lives and should be considered. Just because my opinion differs from yours, it doesn’t make it less valid.

ill be honest,

I got a dog in 2019 too funnily enough. It was just me and her at my mums so it was essentially me my mum and my dog Lola.

I adored my dog we shared my bed we had such a bond. I then got into a relationship at the end of 2020. My dog hated my partner coming anywhere near me she hated it obviously hadn’t witnessed it before.

i then fell pregnant and while it was okay during pregnancy she didn’t still like my partner and we were living with him in a 2 bed first floor flat. I tried and I tried to rehome her with a friend. They had other dogs other situations etc so it couldn’t. So I placed her up on pets4homes and I asked for a small fee and that was it. They came and got her. She’s got another dog companion of the same breed she has a new dog mummy who works from home and older children. Do I hate the situation yes do I hate that I couldnt provide a big enough home for my baby and my dog yes but I couldn’t run the risk of my dog getting jealous of my baby like she did my partner.

My point is you are only doing what’s right for you and the dog and you. I always reach out to my dogs new owners and sometimes
check their socials for a pic or two because I wish life would be different. I know my dogs got a better life now but it hurts but you learn to deal with it. It will be the best outcome for you both I promise no matter how awful it feels

I see you've chosen just the simple scenarios there, I was rolling all of those possible eventualities into one after the other.

Sure most people can prepare for mat leave and most normal people would. But what happens if you're on mat leave having been left by your husband, being forced out of your home into a rental that doesn't allow pets, and you've no family anywhere to support you let alone take your dog for a walk.

Most rational people's minds don't go to disaster scenarios before considering life events (otherwise we'd never have children frankly), they make decisions based on what they know/have at the time. Because that's life.

I spare my thoughts for a woman being left in the lurch by a turd of a man, leaving her with very few realistic options and doing the best by her pet.

I don't berate her for not undertaking some massive mental gymnastics falling down the "what if" route before she got the dog.

For most people the what if is "what do I do with the dog if I can no longer WFH 3 days a week" not "what if my husband leaves me and I have to return to work full time when my baby is small and I have to find a house to live in and I can't walk my dog when I get home as the baby is in bed..."

I mean she could stay home on benefits for the sake of walking her dog, but that would be a whole other thread of vicious now wouldn't it.

OP you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You're damned (on here) by internet strangers for even considering rehoming your pet; or
You're damning yourself (and your dog) to ongoing misery if you keep things as they are.

Do what you gotta do.

Those saying never to get another pet - come on!!!

Having a hamster or a rabbit or even a cat is completely different to having a high energy dog like a CS.

OP, I do NOT believe that pets are forever off the cards for you. People on MN can be so black/white sometimes. There IS a middle ground between high energy young dog and no pet for ever and ever again.

My goddaughter has just re homed a Spaniel due to similar circumstances, the families circumstances have changed, work, childcare etc. The couple were really upset but Merlin (the dog) is having a whale of a time in his new home, he’s loving the extra attention.

I have also re homed our dog, relationship breakdown and unable to take the dog as their new landlords wouldn’t allow it. Just try to do your best in finding a lovely new home. I also send updates to the previous owner, we’ve had her for 12 years now, wishing you the best, 🤗

I don’t have a dog but I have known many people who have had dogs they didn’t care for properly. Dogs that didn’t get walked properly, didnt get any attention and were clearly miserable. Far better to rehome through a reputable organisation than fail to give your dog what it needs. A dog like that should not be home all day or missing out on walks.Rehome the dog and don’t feel guilty. It’s the best thing for everyone.

Not the life you predicted, it’s best for you so to let them go. The older your kids get the harder it will be.

I'm very sorry to read that your circumstances have changed so caring for the dog has become so difficult.
Letting her go to another home, where she can reattach to new owners, is the loving and responsible thing to do.

Yes I think you should rehome but I also think you should not get another dog in the future. I have seen that happen a lot. It inevitably goes wrong.

Where are you? We lost our cocker boy two years ago but got him via the breed specific rescue here and they had foster homes.

I rehomed a dog once. He was much happier with his new home and I was happier he was gone. It doesn't mean you should never get a dog again! As some people say. If no one ever adopted a pet because they rehomed one before, our boy who was returned to a shelter a few times would never have come to us. Where for 7 years now he has lived like a king and will the rest of his long life.

Nope. Planning for maternity leave is one thing. Not getting a dog because your partner might leave you before your child ( that you haven't even conceived yet ) get to school age is another thing entirely.

Read my pp. I didn’t say don’t get a dog if your partner might leave. I said plan for it so you can take full responsibility🙄 goodness me.

I'm looking for a spaniel and there's rarely any available as they are very popular.

Get a charity to help you and I'm sure they'll find a good home, it's heartbreaking but better than keeping her if you can't look after her properly.

Well, presumably the plan is that the partner helps. Well, he's gone.

Next plan? Extended support system. Oops, they moved away.

Pay for dog walker? Now unaffordable.

So we don't get to "rehome" until plan D. By this point, that's a reasonable back up plan.

You are carrying on as if rehoming a dog is the worst possible thing. It really isn't.

In this case, rehoming IS taking responsibility.

StarDolphins
If every body thought the same way as you, I wouldn’t have had my 3 wonderful rescue dogs. I am so glad their owners realised they were not able to meet their needs, and took the difficult decision to rehome them responsibly through a rescue.

Sorry , but your opinion is less valid , for two reasons.
Firstly, as I commented earlier, it is unkind. You are deliberately trying to make someone feel bad who is in a difficult situation.
Secondly, as so many people have commented, you are factually incorrect. It's a matter of fact that one can't plan for every eventuality.
The OP has been unfortunate and it doesn’t help to blame her when she's trying to to work out what to do for the best.

No opinion here is less valid!🤣 it’s an online forum!

It’s not practical though. There are many life events that you cannot plan for. It’s sad but that’s life.

OP is trying to do what’s best for her dog.

No, if you write things that are patently untrue, your opinions are less valid.

How, exactly, if you were OP, do you think you could have "planned" for the situation she is in?

Many of these pleasant family dogs which were bought on a whim after lockdown do not get rehomed. Shelters often have them for over a year or more. A friend of mine works in a dog shelter and she said many lovely dogs bought in or after lockdown have flooded the shelter and they cannot re-home them all. One dog has been at the shelter for over 2 years and she'd take herself but she already has 3 dogs and 3 DC. She's a single Mum too. She walks her dogs whilst taking DC to school.

Agreed, we all have a right to express our opinions in the forum, but that doesn't make every opinion equally valid.
The whole idea of discussion and debate is to sort out good ideas from bad. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any point to the discussion.
OP has posted here to get a variety of opinions and sort out good advice from bad advice.
I don't think your advice is any help whatsoever.

I’ve covered that way back, RTWT

Opinions are a view on something or a formed judgement. I have written only my opinions, not facts. You don’t seem to be understanding this and I’m bored of it so I’m not replyiing to you after this. My opinion still stands and no amount of you trying to tell me otherwise will change that!🤣

Oh yes, those unrealistic fantasy replies.

Gosh -how does a single parent of three with a job (?) which is flexible enough to walk her dc to school AFFORD three dogs!!!?? Do tell us what her fab ‘job’ is!!