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The doghouse

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Original poster

AIBU to rehome my dog

179 replies

Soupysally · 07/02/2025 06:34

I’ve had my cocker spaniel since she was a puppy in 2019 and previously was my world. In 2023 I fell pregnant and became a single mum to my DS in 2024.
since then I’ve been really struggling with my dog, I get frustrated really easily at her, and she’s not getting the attention she deserves in the house. On top of that I have returned to work including an hour commute each way which is hard to fit in my work hours around childcare, but essentially leave no time to walk the dog, and I can’t just take her out in the evenings as I have my DS in bed. I have no family who can help out locally, and money is too tight to be paying for a dog walker several times a week.
I feel so guilty, overwhelmed and a failure considering rehoming her, but I am starting to believe it’s what’s best for everyone. I of course would look to rehome her through a reputable charity such as spaniel aid. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:04

I'm being responded to by several people, some of whom clearly don't understand what I said so I'll make my position plain:

Rescues are packed full of animals from people considered to be responsible owners who've experienced a 'change in circumstances' of some description. In some cases it is unpredictable or unavoidable but in many it is just 'buyer's remorse'.

Now, I make no judgement of OP, but I advise owning no more animals.

Why? The past is the best indicator of the future.

I understand perfectly well that life throws curve balls at you, but if you can't dodge them don't buy animals.

DoNotIron · 07/02/2025 09:18

Why? The past is the best indicator of the future.

What a load of absolute horseshit. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:26

DoNotIron · 07/02/2025 09:18

Why? The past is the best indicator of the future.

What a load of absolute horseshit. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Which bit are you struggling with?

LameBorzoi · 07/02/2025 09:32

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:26

Which bit are you struggling with?

Show quote history

It's not the typical pattern. She's had this dog for six years - It's not the typical 12 to 18 month old puppy dump.

And she has unexpectedly become a single parent. Most people can go their whole life without an upheaval like that.

bittertwisted · 07/02/2025 09:40

Poor OP
What is she meant to do? Not go to work? Get her baby adopted?

I have a rehomed dog, she was very much loved, but by 8 months old the elderly couple who had her realised she was too much work for them

She is a wonderful dog, we all adore her, I consider her to be lucky to have had 2 good homes

Don't feel guilty, and of course you can get a pet again one day if circumstances allow

Sd352 · 07/02/2025 09:41

Never get a dog again.

Bewareofthisonetoo · 07/02/2025 09:42

I really feel for you OP but you should have realised you would get no sympathy on here! The dog obsessives on here the last people to look for human compassion /they can’t form a relationship with people so they use dogs as substitutes and have no empathy for people in your situation.

Sd352 · 07/02/2025 09:42

bittertwisted · 07/02/2025 09:40

Poor OP
What is she meant to do? Not go to work? Get her baby adopted?

I have a rehomed dog, she was very much loved, but by 8 months old the elderly couple who had her realised she was too much work for them

She is a wonderful dog, we all adore her, I consider her to be lucky to have had 2 good homes

Don't feel guilty, and of course you can get a pet again one day if circumstances allow

No, she shouldn’t get another dog ever again. She will then claim changed circumstances again. People need to think through all circumstances before they take responsibility for another life.

LandSharksAnonymous · 07/02/2025 09:44

Bewareofthisonetoo · 07/02/2025 09:42

I really feel for you OP but you should have realised you would get no sympathy on here! The dog obsessives on here the last people to look for human compassion /they can’t form a relationship with people so they use dogs as substitutes and have no empathy for people in your situation.

What absolute twaddle.

The fact is, dogs are living beings that deserve better than being shouted at (which OP admits to), left home alone all day and not exercised.

Whatever has happened to result in OPs change in circumstances is sad, but the dog shouldn't suffer for it.

Lozzq · 07/02/2025 09:44

This is a heartbreaking situation to be in, normally I think a dog is for life and part of the family, however, I actually think you are doing the right thing and considering the best interest of the dog. I would explore borrow my doggy (my friend now part owns a dog from that site as the owners travels a lot) and if that’s not a good option then try and finding a loving good home for your dog. Good luck.

Pennnyforthright · 07/02/2025 09:46

I agree with all the posts that show sympathy for the poor dog. So have a go at me as well now.

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:46

LameBorzoi · 07/02/2025 09:32

It's not the typical pattern. She's had this dog for six years - It's not the typical 12 to 18 month old puppy dump.

And she has unexpectedly become a single parent. Most people can go their whole life without an upheaval like that.

Show quote history

"Studies show the largest percentage of dogs in rescues are classified as young adults (3-4 years old), indicating a significant portion are past the puppy stage and over 2 years old. "

That's from a quick google search and that's my experience too. It is mostly older dogs that are rehomed.

I can't comment on OP's life events so I won't.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 07/02/2025 09:47

Hi OP,
Agree that you should rehome your dog - it clearly is no longer having the life it deserves due to your change in circumstances.
My NDN had a major change in his circumstances - he had to rehome one of his dogs, his cat and a snake (the cat actually went to someone on MN). I didn't judge him and I won't judge you either. Just to reiterate to please rehome responsibly (ideally through a rescue).
Sorry you are having to give up your pet.

LameBorzoi · 07/02/2025 09:49

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:46

"Studies show the largest percentage of dogs in rescues are classified as young adults (3-4 years old), indicating a significant portion are past the puppy stage and over 2 years old. "

That's from a quick google search and that's my experience too. It is mostly older dogs that are rehomed.

I can't comment on OP's life events so I won't.

Show quote history

A 3 year dog is very different to a 6 year old. And the life circumstances are kind of central to this, don't you think?

GCAcademic · 07/02/2025 09:50

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:46

"Studies show the largest percentage of dogs in rescues are classified as young adults (3-4 years old), indicating a significant portion are past the puppy stage and over 2 years old. "

That's from a quick google search and that's my experience too. It is mostly older dogs that are rehomed.

I can't comment on OP's life events so I won't.

Show quote history

Yes, Spaniel Aid have recently said that the majority of the dogs that are coming into their care are 4-5 years old. They are completely overwhelmed at the moment - 197 requests to surrender just in January.

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:53

LameBorzoi · 07/02/2025 09:49

A 3 year dog is very different to a 6 year old. And the life circumstances are kind of central to this, don't you think?

Show quote history

Whether 3 years or 6 years it isn't "puppy dumping" is it?

I won't comment on OP's "life circumstances" because i don't know any more than you...very little.

Snowmanscarf · 07/02/2025 09:56

You sound like a responsible dog owner. Don’t feel guilty and give yourself permission to do what’s right for everybody.

MaltipooMama · 07/02/2025 10:25

Aw OP I feel for you so much, when my little one was born I found myself getting uncharacteristically frustrated with my little pup as well, barking for seemingly no reason when I'd just got my baby to sleep, jumping on my lap when I sat down to feed baby etc... I felt so overwhelmed but I had my partner and family nearby to help, I cannot imagine how difficult it would've been without that support so I have absolutely zero judgement! I think under the circumstances re homing your dog is probably best for all of you, I'm sure you will go through the proper channels and find a lovely home ❤️

MaltipooMama · 07/02/2025 10:27

fruitypancake · 07/02/2025 07:00

Poor dog

Can you not remotely empathise with the awful situation and change of circumstances that OP is contending with?! What an utterly useless comment, she is clearly trying to do what's best for her dog here and deserves some compassion, it's a horrible situation for her as well

LameBorzoi · 07/02/2025 10:49

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:53

Whether 3 years or 6 years it isn't "puppy dumping" is it?

I won't comment on OP's "life circumstances" because i don't know any more than you...very little.

Show quote history

The average age at which a dog is re homed in the UK is 22 months. Mentally, most dogs are still annoying adolescents at that age.

OP has been pretty clear about the single parenthood and lack of support. I found dogs plus parenting tough, and that was with a partner. I managed, but I don't think I could have done it alone.

DaisyChain505 · 07/02/2025 10:52

She deserves a better more stimulating and fulfilled life so yes you’re right in wanting to rehome her. Contact your local rehoming chairty which is specific to her breed and they will help find the perfect home for her.

QuestionableMouse · 07/02/2025 10:57

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 08:27

And to be clear, I don't assume the worst of OP at all. She seems like an overwhelmed pet owner who means well and wants to do what's right.

But my advice to get no more pets stands.

Show quote history

Ever? Even when she's 60? Sweeping statements like yours are ridiculous. Right now she's not coping, but there's nothing to say she won't manage perfectly when her kids are older and she has more free time. Maybe even taking one of those dogs out of rescue.

Mrsdyna · 07/02/2025 11:14

Yes, rehome the dog, you'll all be happier so don't worry.

DoNotIron · 07/02/2025 11:15

GaryLurcher19 · 07/02/2025 09:26

Which bit are you struggling with?

Show quote history

Where you make a sweeping generalisation about human behaviour, suggesting that a person be barred from something for life because you say so their unforeseen circumstances caused them to do something which means they will invariably do it again in the future, even if their circumstances are completely different. That bit.

StarDolphins · 07/02/2025 11:20

Poor dog. I’m a ‘til death do us part’ dog owner. Imagine having a family then being made homeless. They depend on us.

I really wish people would only get dogs when they’ve planned for every eventuality. The rescues are bursting at the seams because people get a puppy and then decide later on they can’t keep it.