AIBU to rehome my dog

[Soupysally]

I’ve had my cocker spaniel since she was a puppy in 2019 and previously was my world. In 2023 I fell pregnant and became a single mum to my DS in 2024.
since then I’ve been really struggling with my dog, I get frustrated really easily at her, and she’s not getting the attention she deserves in the house. On top of that I have returned to work including an hour commute each way which is hard to fit in my work hours around childcare, but essentially leave no time to walk the dog, and I can’t just take her out in the evenings as I have my DS in bed. I have no family who can help out locally, and money is too tight to be paying for a dog walker several times a week.
I feel so guilty, overwhelmed and a failure considering rehoming her, but I am starting to believe it’s what’s best for everyone. I of course would look to rehome her through a reputable charity such as spaniel aid. Am I being unreasonable?

Poor dog. I think the kindest thing you can do is to rehome her. Make sure she is speyed before you do so she’s not used as a breeding machine.

Good. I'm not having a go,OP. Many well meaning people get animals but cannot or don't commit to providing for them. It's great that you're rehoming responsibly.

I say don't get any more animals because I've seen it time and again.

Give over preaching.

The op was fine with her dog until her circumstances changed. None of us have a crystal ball to predict what our life is going to be in the future.

I would not move this to the doghouse, your responses will be a lot worse there.

You're doing the right thing OP.

I know someone who had an unexpected life change that meant she had no time for her dog. Someone at her place of work had a mother who'd just retired, loved hiking and was looking to rescue a dog - the dog moved in with her and had a wonderful time for the rest of it's life.

Better for your dog to go elsewhere than stay with you as it's making you all stressed and miserable. Good luck.

I don't think OP could have predicted that she would unexpectedly get pregnant and become a single mum, and all of the practicalities surrounding her specific situation now. She sounds like a responsible dog owner trying to do her best by her pet, no need to twist the knife

You are definitely not being unreasonable OP. I had a cocker spaniel and they are hard work and really don’t do well being left alone for long periods and not getting enough exercise. My circumstances changed when my boy was about 9 and the last few years with him were bloody hard work. And I was fortunate to work from home and not have young children.

As long as you rehome via a reputable charity then there is absolutely no shame in admitting you can’t cope any more. Life happens!

You’re doing the right thing for the dog by rehoming her. We got our dog from a family who realised they couldn’t afford her anymore and actually didn’t enjoy having a dog. They went through a local adoption charity.

The dog has had 9 happy years with us now and I’m currently listening to her snoring while I drink my tea!

@Soupysally i was in your exact position , i rehomed, it was sad but the right thing to do for everyone ❤️

What an unnecessarily awful post.

Dogs can live for 15 years or more. With the best of preparation, many unexpected things can happen in that amount of time.

OP is doing the right but hard thing, finding her dog a new home.

In the right new home, the dog will be just fine.

No not poor bloody dog.

Lucky dog to have an owner self aware enough to realise her circumstances have changed to the point she can no longer provide adequate care. An owner who is willing to make an incredibly difficult and painful decision with the best interests of the dog at heart instead of her own.

I love dogs, I have dogs, and every day in my job I see dogs that people do not look after properly. Tiny gardens full of shit because the dogs live there 10 hours a day while their owners work. Neurotic under exercised dogs who bark constantly. Miserable untrained dogs who have no regulation whatsoever in their lives because they were bought by someone as an accessory rather than a companion.

She's doing the right thing by the dog, and it will settle into a new home just fine. The alternative is a dog being left alone and not walked or given adequate attention, which is far worse.

It is fine to rehome a dog. Life changes, so what you can commit does as well. the responsible thing is to ensure the dog is well taken care of. If you cannot, for perfectly valid reasons, continue caring for the dog then it needs to be rehomed.

I think you're doing the right thing @Soupysally

Better to be honest that you are struggling and the dog isn't getting as much attention & walks as they need. Sounds like you have raised a lovely dog that another family would be happy to adopt.

(the dog house would be gentler than AIBU, most people on that forum are really nice & understanding)

It's a really tough situation OP.obvioyslt you can't walk the dog at night due to your child being in bed, you can't leave them alone. Some people just don't understand how restrictive being a single parent is.

The dog is one thing too many. I have a cat snd when my dc were younger, used to get annoyed as when I'd put them to bed after a frantic day of work and parenting, I'd sit down and then the cat would appear demanding attention when I was totally wrung out. Things are better now dc are older but I still couldn't walk a dog at night. Please don't feel guilty.

You are doing the right thing OP. I know you must be heartbroken but it says a lot about you that you are doing the right thing for your dog.

I have a friend who had a baby and then a divorce within 12 months, then a house move. Ex couldn’t take the dog. She couldn’t keep the dog. She had to rehome. Dog went to a friend of a friend, a single guy with active outdoor lifestyle. Apparently dog is thriving now. Best for everyone.

You say she's a lovely dog and you're getting really frustrated at her so it sounds best that you find her a really good new home. She can probably feel your frustration too and is bewildered.

There are worse things for a dog than getting a loving new home. If she is the rehomeable type then yes finding her a new family rather than leaving her alone for long periods not knowing where her next walk is coming from is a better outcome. No judgement here, I wish you both the best.

Please try to rehome without putting the dog physically in the shelter. It traumatises them.

Ffs. It not like the poor woman has changed her mind - her circumstances have changed beyond anything she could have imagined (because who really thinks they’re going to be a single mum with completely new time and money concerns?). Don’t be a dick.

I'm a lifelong dog haver and we have working dogs. Absolutely rehome her - sounds like it would be the best thing for both of you. I'd contact spaniel aid - they will rehome her without putting in kennels usually, they get taken in by fosterers and they are thorough and do an excellent job. Is she working bred or show?

Agree with this 100%. Rehome the dog, she deserves far better than someone who discards her when an entirely foreseeable event happens.

I'm having to make the heartbreaking decision to rehome my dog through the charity I adopted her from. My partner of 21 years left without warning in August and moved in with a woman he'd been having an affair with for 5 years, unbeknownst to me. I would never have adopted her if I'd have known I would be single. I work FT and have had to move to a smaller place. My dog is giant breed and needs so much more than I can give her. I spend half my salary on dog walkers and overnight care when I work away which is frequent. I've tried my best to make it work but she's unsettled and has developed an anxious attachment to me. I've had this breed of dog for 15 years and the charity have been supportive and understanding. The point of my post is, by rehoming your dog, you're being responsible. I'm sure you will ensure a suitable home is found through the right channels. You'll be devastated but I have always had rescues and they adapt quickly. I won't write myself off from having another dog in the future but the circumstances will need to be right and that could be years from now. Sending love to you xx

Sometimes life changes and you have the make difficult decisions but they are for the best. If you need to re-home her then these things happen, nobody can predict the future and we can't all live in fear of something happening in the future.

I have a cat and 8 pet rats and it's all very affordable whilst I'm married to my husband, we share the finances and the pet care. If he walked out tomorrow I definitely couldn't keep the rats especially if I had to move into a rented house. So I would have to rehome them to someone else.

We could have just not got them in the first place just incase he walks out on me but the same could be said for any decision you make as a married couple. The decisions you make now because you can't forsee the future, sometimes don't work out and it's nobody's fault.

It's hard giving up a much loved pet, I had to do the same but if it's the right thing to do then that's what you have to do.

Rehome your dog. She will be fine - dogs live in the moment and she will attach herself to her new owner and be fine and happy. Sounds like you don't need the extra responsibility right now. And don't feel bad - you're doing the responsible and loving thing.