AIBU to rehome my dog

[Soupysally]

I’ve had my cocker spaniel since she was a puppy in 2019 and previously was my world. In 2023 I fell pregnant and became a single mum to my DS in 2024.
since then I’ve been really struggling with my dog, I get frustrated really easily at her, and she’s not getting the attention she deserves in the house. On top of that I have returned to work including an hour commute each way which is hard to fit in my work hours around childcare, but essentially leave no time to walk the dog, and I can’t just take her out in the evenings as I have my DS in bed. I have no family who can help out locally, and money is too tight to be paying for a dog walker several times a week.
I feel so guilty, overwhelmed and a failure considering rehoming her, but I am starting to believe it’s what’s best for everyone. I of course would look to rehome her through a reputable charity such as spaniel aid. Am I being unreasonable?

’hardly anyone’ is NOT everyone. I have no mortgage on my tiny house purposely so I can have money in my bank. I could, whether you like it or not, survive for 4 years without a job. I have saved & done without since I was 16. You’re not contributing anything either hijacking to tell others that you know more about their financial situation than they do!

I have fostered for spaniel aid and a few other local charities, it's perfectly ok to admit your not able to care for the dog like you once was and to be honest it's the kindest thing you can do. They are stretched and finding a space could be tricky but certainly not impossible. From my experience the dog will be put into a foster home and assessed - some never leave the foster home ☺️ (failed foster) some go onto wonderful new homes! I've always found it so rewarding, it's such a hard thing to admit, you won't be judged. Sending hugs your way xx

It must be really hard @Soupysally and I think you are making the best decision for your dog. It's much better than the other option of neglecting your dog because you can't do the best for her.
I think a breed specific rehoming centre is the best option and Spaniel Aid which is who I would have suggested to you if you hadn't already mentioned it. I am sure she will find a loving home

I can't stand dogs. But OP is doing the sensible thing if she re-homes. Her circumstances have changed and she is now unable to give the dog the attention it needs.

You can get more pets if you want, OP. A cat or small animal might be better suited to your circumstances in the future, but having been a loving and responsible dog owner, you might choose to get another dog.

There will always be at least one sanctimonious person on a thread like this who thinks they are the arbiter of whether someone can keep animals again after rehoming one, and it is boring as FUCK

Sorry you're in this position, @Soupysally. That's really tough. I agree that rehoming might be best for all in this situation. It sounds like your dog has no real issues at this point, which I would think would make her pretty easy to rehome.

This woman runs a fabulous rescue, matches dogs and owners really carefully and offers lifetime support, and often has a waiting list. It might be worth reaching out to her.
https://www.facebook.com/BlackRetrieverXRescue

@StarDolphins
Honestly, you sound like what it's like to argue with a 5 year old. I have it all planned out that if dog-eating aliens came down from Mars I'd put on my super duper space suit and fight them off with a flaming space laser. You have clearly not planned for every eventuality because it's not possible to do so. You are simply suffering from a lack of imagination. If your house burned down, your ex died, you became disabled and your cheap dog walker ran off with the postman you'd be fucked. Leave the OP alone.

Sorry, StarDolphins, you're deluding yourself if you think it's possible to plan for every eventuality.
There is absolutely no reason to attack OP.
Since you're trying to make OP feel bad, I think you could work on being a nicer person.

I think your dog deserves a better owner. I became a single parent with a baby, on UC, working, etc etc - it never crossed my mind to rehome my dog, same as I wouldn't consider giving up my child. He is part of my family. You obviously have a different view but the dog deserves a home where they are part of the family.

Agreed.

Well it is her fault that she got pregnant and, of course, she is a single mother.

This just isn't true of all dogs. We adopted two, one was right at home as soon as they arrived and the other was very depressed for at least 3 months and really. really struggled with the situation. You make it sound like it's fine for dogs to just be bounced around from home to home.

That said OP I don't think you have any choice but to rehome, a cocker is not going to be happy being left alone all day and never walked. That's a really miserable life for a dog, sadly I have 2 living like that next door to me, desperate for some attention. That will be why she is playing up and you are getting frustrated and annoyed, she needs much more attention than you are able to give her. Rehoming her is the right thing to do.

I was in a similar situation, had my dog for around 4 years, then got married and had two babies very close together. My dog was also a spaniel, and had previously shown signs of aggression (bit my husband several times - I got her before we met and she was very jealous). When my kids came along I was terrified of leaving her in the same room as them, she was very unpredictable. Husband worked away a lot and it became impossible to deal with the situation. We lived in a top floor flat with no garden which made it even harder.
She also started messing in the house shortly after my kids were born (despite being taken for walks and runs at least 4 or 5 times a day).
I asked family and friends for help but unfortunately nobody was able/willing to help me.
I found a loving home for her with a wonderful person, who I'm still in touch with, and who has given her an amazing life, which I was unable to continue to do.
It was incredibly hard to let go of her and I've regretted it every day, although I know it was the best decision for her.

I think it's important to point out that shelters are completely overwhelmed and there's a good chance this dog would be put down as they are inundated or not even accepted at all. Please look into dog walkers who can come and take your dog out, or do you have a friend or relative who would adopt it?

Sorry what the actual F are you on about ?

@DeffoNeedANameChange Invariably they are actually about people who have seriously let down their pet who is a dependent. Dogs don’t just bite and become hostile. 99% of the time a person is the root cause of the problems whatever they may be.

@Soupysally Yes. You should rehome your lifelong commitment because you are unwilling to meet its basic needs and adapt your lifestyle. You should also be paying the rescue for the costs involved in rehoming your pet - their vets bills, food and so forth. A family pet will struggle massively at a rescue facility. Plus they’re all at capacity. I hope you find the best solution for your dog.

Ridiculous!

Op take heart from the fact that the majority of people here CAN imagine what it’s like to have no control over life’s random blows of fate.
For those that can’t, well they are a lost cause…
Do the best for your Dog now so she can be happy again in another home.

What a fucking evil thing to say.

Sorry but you wanted your dog until you got a child. Which is what you really wanted. Just be honest

Are you someone who doesn't interact with people much?

What a stupid thing to say. Life happens. Op - ignore this post.

I take a very pragmatic view, your choices are, realistically (as you can't afford a dog walker and circumstances aren't going to change anytime soon) are 1) rehome your dog, 2) continue as is where the dogs needs are not being met and they are probably bored and frankly miserable. In those circumstances I think rehoming is by far the better option than letting a poor situation drag on. And actually as someone who's volunteered in a rehoming centre and has a rescue dog, I respect owners who realise that they are not meeting their pets needs and do something about it. Sometimes circumstances change. What you do need to do though is make sure you rehome your dog responsibly so via a known respected charity whether local or national. Some charities offer a service where they put your dog on their website but the dog stays with you rather than in kennels. Absolutely no gumtree, facebook etc.

My Dad died when we owned 3 dogs and 3 children at school, my mum was a stay at home, but had to get a full time job, we downsized the house from big garden with field to urban semi. Two dogs were rehomed which was another emotional trauma for us children.
I now realise he should have seen his heart attack at 40 and not got the dogs because he wasn't going to live the 15 years required.
It's reasonable to have intergenerational responsibility for his poor planning and ban me from dog ownership, as I would probably be as feckless around dog ownership as he was. I don't have a dog but a double number of other pets, which I am permitted to own and care for.

You cannot plan for every eventuality. You can make reasonable plans, but what OP has experienced has gone well beyond this.

It's not like she's just rehoming the dog because she's bored with it or she has new carpets.

Anyway, sometimes rehoming IS the "every eventuality " solution.

And how exactly do you propose the average person prepares for "every eventuality"? It's impossible!

Lose your job, partner/husband leaves you in the lurch, you're on stat maternity leave, lose your house and have to move to a rental that doesn't allow pets, can't afford the roof over your head let alone another mouth to feed... the list goes on and on and on.

OPs circumstances could either see her rehome the dog or the baby, which do you suggest is better?
And if OP continues in the situation she's in that doesn't allow her sufficient time or money for the dog, the baby or herself, do you really think she should suck it up to the detriment of her own sanity, or do you think the dog would actually be happy with an owner that can provide all it needs?

I can't fathom the thinking that circumstances be damned, you got the dog you have to suffer at all costs for the dog to be comfortable. But in this case the dog isn't comfortable - so I know what I would do and I know I certainly wouldn't judge the OP for allowing her dog to find a new loving home rather than being miserable in its current environment because "dogs are family".

God speed OP, it will be hard to let the dog go, but you're doing the right thing for all of you.