AIBU to rehome my dog

[Soupysally]

I’ve had my cocker spaniel since she was a puppy in 2019 and previously was my world. In 2023 I fell pregnant and became a single mum to my DS in 2024.
since then I’ve been really struggling with my dog, I get frustrated really easily at her, and she’s not getting the attention she deserves in the house. On top of that I have returned to work including an hour commute each way which is hard to fit in my work hours around childcare, but essentially leave no time to walk the dog, and I can’t just take her out in the evenings as I have my DS in bed. I have no family who can help out locally, and money is too tight to be paying for a dog walker several times a week.
I feel so guilty, overwhelmed and a failure considering rehoming her, but I am starting to believe it’s what’s best for everyone. I of course would look to rehome her through a reputable charity such as spaniel aid. Am I being unreasonable?

Yeah, animal ownership and rehoming does seem to go up and down with coping. Don't you find that unacceptably frivolous?

You can't plan for Black Swan events.

🥱

Erm, that's the point? She genuinely can't meet the dog's needs, so the dog would be better off in a new home. That's the exact opposite of frivolous.

what steps did you take to plan for every eventuality? I’m not trying to sound like rehoming a dog should be an easy decision, but since I’ve had my dog the following life situations have happened:
2 house moves
1 failed relationship
birth of my son into a single parent household
my family and support system moving away
reduced income
childcare costs and time restrictions.

How would I have been able to plan for this series of concurrent events?

I'm torn up about failing her but I’m at the point where it would be best for her.

No judgement here. You are not being unreasonable. He’s young for a spaniel and will walk into another home.

Shit happens. Life happens. I hope you’re able to enjoy another dog in the future.

Precisely. She can't meet the dog's needs because of something unforeseen.

It's responsible to rehome the dog now.

It would also be responsible to own no more pets.

Nobody would ever have dogs if they planned for every eventuality.

A very close single friend has just found out they are terminally ill. Maybe they shouldn’t have shared their life with multiple rescue dogs just in case? Maybe none of us should as the worst may happen and frequently does. Sometimes you can work around it but sometimes you can’t. Sometimes people who keep their dogs in the wrong circumstances for pride are not doing their dogs favours.

I lived with my partner and had no children and had healthy parents when I got my dog.

Since then, I have moved house, had a child and I’m now a single parent on min wage doing part time hours with no financial help. I have zero family help and I’m looking after my mum who has had 2 strokes, a triple heart bypass and is now bedbound.

I planned BEFORE I got my dog for all these and more being a possibility. I take on a dog or any pet only when I can fully commit to their whole life. Nothing would change that apart from the death of me or him.

So my question remains then, how did you plan for every eventuality?

It’s nothing if the sort! Don’t be ridiculous. Dog obsession has got nothing to do ‘not getting a pet unless you can take full responsibility for it, for its whole life’. That’s a normal and expected process of deciding to get an animal.

Ridiculous.

No one can plan for every eventuality - and I can assure you, there is something out there that you cannot plan for that would result in you removing your dog from your care. Particularly if, as in OPs case, it's for the benefit of the dog.

Keeping a dog when you can't give it what it deserves or needs, just out of a sense of duty or commitment, makes you a far worse owner than finding a new home for an unhappy dog.

As someone whose life has been enriched by rescue dogs of all sorts of breeds and ages I would never judge anyone who has to give up their dog. If someone loves their dog and feels unable to keep him/her for whatever reason they don't need judgement, they need support. If the relationship between the owner and dog has broken down then let the dog go asap so it can have a better life.

It sounds like you really love her and want the best for her. I wish you all the best and maybe in few years time your circumstances will change and you will be able to have another dog.

I saved every penny way before I got my dog & ensured I had bought a property and could insure him too

house moves didn’t bother me as he’s fine in what ever house

I knew I would take full care & financial responsibility should my relationship breakdown. Could I walk and care for this dog if I literally had no one to help?

ensured I had the means to pay a dog walker multiple times a day should it be needed if I got ill etc

I thought long & hard about whether I would have children and what I would do if I did, would I cope with a dog and a baby/child?! This took me ages to work out and only when I was sure, I did it.

what if my parents got ill and I had to look after them?

Thought about everything & decided I was happy to rehome him and that I could provide everything for him no matter what, no matter hard. At times it has been hard to juggle him with my DD and looking after elderly parents.

Right

I think rehoming / adoption has become a different ball game in recent years. Lots more people are interested in adopting (thanks to programmes like the doghouse on channel 4) and a dog like yours is going to be snapped up very quickly. That doesn’t mean we should all become careless about pet ownership- of course no one should rehome without trying everything possible first but I don’t think it’s the end of the world that it once was and your dog will find a good new home.

We adopted a cat from Blue Cross recently. The family had two babies / toddlers and the cat (5 years old) just hated them, the noise etc and was just hiding upstairs. The owners felt they didn’t have the time for him and so lucky me he’s mine. He’s now living his best life in my very quiet house with me at home most of the time for on tap cuddles and no screaming kids (just my one very quiet 13 year old). I know not every story has a happy ending but many do.

So you saved up £157000 assuming you needed 3 dog walks a day for approx 12 years.
I call BS.
I appreciate what you’re saying, I didn’t take the decision to get my dog lightly but unfortunately my life situation has changed outside of my control very much so than 6 years ago.

I think you are right to consider this, life can change, as most us know, and sometimes things can't remain the same as heartbreaking as some decisions are. You clearly love your dog and want to do what is best for him.
My only advice would be to find a breed rescue who will most likely have a list of potential new owners.

I mean, that’s stretching it a bit! It would be unusual for me to be ill every day for 12 years! He doesn’t have 3 walks a day either. If I need to pay for 2 walks a day now, I could pay this out of my wage as I have no mortgage and very low bills. Plus my dog walker is an older lady that only charges £8 so easily doable. My dog is 13 now so not a worry anymore.

To be really blunt, OP, your dog will be 100% fine and will most likely thrive in a new home where they can give her what she needs. I don’t subscribe to the idea that an animal being rehomed is remotely similar to a child or adult suddenly being placed in a new family. I don’t kid myself about my level of importance to my dog. If we died tomorrow and he was rehomed to a decent family, he would probably have a few days of confusion, followed by an extremely happy life. Maybe my dog has attachment issues, but it always puzzles me when adults think a dog would be bereft and unable to recover by being rehomed, unless the dog is particularly elderly or anxious. I just don’t have those kind of tickets on myself!

And what if your relationship broke down, you lost your job AND became unwell with something like dementia? What would happen to your dog then?

You can’t predict every situation, it’s impossible.

This. I have two dogs who were rehomes. One, admittedly, came from a fucking idiot who was annoyed that she wanted walks longer than 10 minutes and wouldn't sit quietly in a cafe all afternoon while she had coffee with friends, but still a very sweet little dog, with no history of abuse. The other came from a home he had been in for five years where, sadly, the lady's husband passed away. He had been very bonded to the husband and was upset and anxious when he passed and started to guard EVERYTHING and they got into a row over who owned the pillows on her bed and he nipped her. With everything going on, she felt like she couldn't cope and rehomed him to us through a breed specific society that put us in touch with each other. Both were lovely dogs, who settled very quickly and it is like they have been with us since pups. That's why I love dogs so much, they choose to be happy, always. You are doing the right thing, OP - no one can plan for every eventuality in their life.

Again, you’ve got to look at scenarios that are probable/likely & it would be extremely unlikely for me to get dementia in my 40’s and if I did, my ex would need to take my DD if I couldn’t look after her with my dementia and he would take my dog too - my DD loves my dog as much as me so he would never separate them.

if I lost my job, I can survive for 4 years which would give me enough time to get a job and if I didn’t then I would claim benefits.

Some really unpleasant replies here. OP had no idea she would end up in this position. She’s admitting she can’t meet the needs of her dog. That’s not easy to do.
If you don’t have family or friends or dog daycare that could help then you do need to rehome. First point of call should be the breeder. Failing that a decent rescue.

You are just being completely ridiculous. Hardly anyone can survive for four years losing one income. Most families don't even have three months.

You are contributing nothing of value to this thread. Why do you keep harping on and trying to stick the boot into OP?