AIBU to rehome my dog

[Soupysally]

I’ve had my cocker spaniel since she was a puppy in 2019 and previously was my world. In 2023 I fell pregnant and became a single mum to my DS in 2024.
since then I’ve been really struggling with my dog, I get frustrated really easily at her, and she’s not getting the attention she deserves in the house. On top of that I have returned to work including an hour commute each way which is hard to fit in my work hours around childcare, but essentially leave no time to walk the dog, and I can’t just take her out in the evenings as I have my DS in bed. I have no family who can help out locally, and money is too tight to be paying for a dog walker several times a week.
I feel so guilty, overwhelmed and a failure considering rehoming her, but I am starting to believe it’s what’s best for everyone. I of course would look to rehome her through a reputable charity such as spaniel aid. Am I being unreasonable?

I appreciate your opinion, obviously though becoming a single mum before my DS even arrived and my family moving away weren’t “entirely foreseeable events” as you’ve categorised them.

Yes, nothing has been done so far

Thanks every one that’s given balanced views I appreciate it! If I do go forward and rehome her then yes absolutely it will be through a reputable charity like spaniel aid and such, where the dogs actually don’t go into “kennels” or anything waiting for re homing, they stay with a foster.

I adore dogs and don't think you should take pet ownership lightly and I think you're perfectly reasonable to re-home your dog. You unexpectedly became a single mum. That's a huge life change I imagine you didn't predict or choose. Your dog will be fine with someone else since she's young and a desirable breed. You're making the right choice for her and your family.

At least you realise you’re a poor owner. I cannot stand women who get dogs as surrogate babies and then lose interest once they have children. Hope your lovely dog finds a kind new home.

OP, you are doing an extremely brave, unselfish & responsible thing - please do not listen to anyone who says otherwise.

I adopted one of my dogs privately from a lady in similar circumstances to you. We kept in touch as much as she wanted & it has been a good outcome for everyone involved. We live in the countryside & I work from home so the dog in question spends her time either sleeping by my side or running around the fields with my other dog - they love each other & we love them.

Please don’t feel guilty rehoming when circumstances change, it is part of being a responsible owner. xx

@Pickingmyselfup how easy would it be to rehomed 8 pet 🐀

Of course it's not unreasonable to rehome a dog if your circumstances completely change. And it doesn't exclude you from getting pets in the future if your circumstances permit. Responsible pet ownership involves making these decisions, if they need to be made.

I think it’s the right thing to do to rehome in these circumstances tbh, unfortunately life doesn’t always turn out as we planned. It will be very upsetting for you OP to give the dog up but it sounds like it is best all round. Good luck.

Exact opposite to a poor owner. A responsible owner.

Please contact Spaniel Aid or another spaniel specific rehoming charity. Most have fosterers so the dogs are put into a home for fostering whilst they wait for their new adoptive home & they are also very stringent on where the dogs go. Please don’t rehome privately.
It sounds like a kinder option for your dog if they are currently being left for long hours and rarely walked. Cockers generally thrive on exercise, mental stimulation and being around their people.

No, I won't fucking give over.

Rescues are full of dogs and cats that were paid thousands for by people who really wanted them and really didn't understand what was involved...or did but thought it could be temporary.

I've seen enough people who get animals, re-home them, get more, re-home them.

Circumstances changing is one of the things you should consider when you get an animal that may live for 20 years.

No, do not get any more pets!

There's no lawful reason OP can't own as many animals as she wants, but I think she understands my concern better than you do.

And to be clear, I don't assume the worst of OP at all. She seems like an overwhelmed pet owner who means well and wants to do what's right.

But my advice to get no more pets stands.

Really? How would it be in the dog"s best interests for OP to keep struggling along?

Re getting no more pets - a cat would be fine

Don't feel bad op, it's not your fault and you're doing the right thing

Seriously, give over.
We all know the issue with feckless pet owners but there is no evidence that OP comes into this category. She has had significant life changes that she couldn't predict when she got the dog and is now looking at the most reasonable way to deal with the situation in the best interests of the dog.
That doesn't preclude her from having pets in the future if the circumstances are suitable.
Focus you ritious indignation on those that fill up the rescue centres, not a responsible owner who has unforeseeable changes in their circumstances.

@GaryLurcher19

I think you are being a bit unfair in relation to this specific situation.

I’m currently in a happy, stable relationship and have been for many years. We own a house together and have a dog, 3 cats and 3 horses. We have land so horses live at home.
Absolutely no reason to think we won’t be together happily ever after for the rest of our days.

If we split up, I would be able to buy a small house on my own. Great but that means I need to move the horses to livery and there’s no way I could afford livery for multiple horses so 2 would have to be sold. Should I not have more than one horse? Well that’s not an option as they can’t live alone. So I should have no horses? Or just one and have him on livery despite having my own land?

I now work from home but previously used to work 10 hour shifts. If I were still working shifts, the cats would be no problem. However it wouldn’t be fair on the dog under any circumstances; back in the days where I worked shifts, commuted and had horses on livery, I was out of the house a minimum of 14 hours a day. Even with a dog walker twice a day, that’s still far too long for a dog to be alone.

My partner wouldn’t be in a position to buy a house and rentals are hard enough to find, let alone one that accepts a dog!

So what do we do? Never get a dog or horses because potentially our situation may change (but it also may not, or in my case, changed significantly for the better)?

sometimes unpredictable shit happens. OP is doing the responsible thing and it will be awful for her but the dog will be happier in a more suitable environment.

Are you saying people should never get a dog in case they become a single parent in the future? How exactly are OP's circumstances 'an entirely foreseeable event'?

I don't understand why people think it's appropriate or sensible to ask such a question of a bunch of random strangers on the internet. Just make the best decision you can and do it. You don't need the approval or disapproval of random people.

This was pretty much the circumstances of the dog we rescued. Family breakup, mum working long hours, he was in doggy day care quite a bit but they still recognised they couldn't give him the life he deserved.

I don't think yabu at all OP. Just make sure you send him to a reputable removing centre. I am sure he'll be snapped up by another loving family with more time on their hands. 🐶

I felt this way about my dog in the first year I had my baby. It's a lot to get used to on much less sleep! It passed as I got more used to being a mum and we all worked out (including my dog) where we now stood.

You're very new to mumming, OP, I'd investigate Borrow My Doggy and similar and wait it out a bit longer, personally.

We rehomed our golden retriever through a charity a year ago. She was a wonderful dog but needed much more than we could give her. She stayed with us until a suitable new home was found (happened to be someone from the charity who had recently lost one of theirs) and then went straight to them from us. We got her spayed beforehand and saw her through that recovery process. She settled in pretty much immediately and is the happiest she’s ever been. We still keep in touch with her new owners and get updates and pictures which is lovely. Best thing we ever did for her and ourselves. If we do get another dog it won’t be for a while and will likely be a rescue.

You sound like an incredibly responsible owner and you are doing something really hard but it is the best thing for your dog. Circumstances change and the world is not set up to support people with pets in the same way it is with children. Well done you for acknowledging your dog’s needs above your own and doing something about it.

Yes, you absolutely rehome her. She deserves better than being left alone all day and you being ‘frustrated’ (which I assume is code for shouting).

Yes you should rehome it. It's not fair on the dog to live this this.