Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

My friend had a very gorgeous sprocket from a young age professional couple. Husband away most of the time so sprocker slept with wife. Then along came baby, dog banned from bedroom, nursery anywhere near baby then toddler.

One day he turned a bit funny with the toddler. Immediately rehomed. He's as happy as Larry with an older couple whose children are now adults up and gone.

So who's to blame here?

That's so sad. Have you tried looking at Borrow My Doggy? (Not sure if it's been suggested as I have only read your initial post)
I love dogs but due to circumstances can't have one full time at the moment so I signed up. I work full time from home so its nice to have the company & walk a dog in my lunch break. There are lots of people like me, so may well be worth a look?

One thing that I think is pertinent here is how easily you can find someone else who can meet this dog’s needs. I can’t really think of many people who don’t ever want or need to be away from a dog, but perhaps there are people who can easily pre-commit to always hiring someone to be with a dog and would want to take this one on.

@Flat04

yep, there will be some homes able and willing to deal with the level of separation anxiety, but nowhere near as easy as some people seem to think

which is actually all I was trying to point out earlier, that if the OP can’t find a rescue or person set up to deal with it properly, what’s likely to happen is him being bounced from home to home as they realise how severe it is in which case, having him PTS would be kinder.

I hope one of the specific recommendations of places work out.

But the “housebound” idea was at best ignorant and at worst insulting.

This 100%

OP has tried. This cannot be compared with the situations where people buy a dog in a whim and discard it when they're bored. Sometimes things don't work out despite hard work and good intentions.

As long as you're responsible in finding a home for him, you're doing nothing wrong. In fact I firmly believe you are doing the right thing by him in finding a home that he is more suited to rather then spending anymore years of his life (and yours) fighting the inevitable.

Good luck OP 💐

Some people seem to think that one call to Spaniel Aid and they will wave a magic wand and all will be right.
They seem to be an excellent organisation but there is only so much they can do and they are likely overwhelmed like many rescues.
That's why I thought my idea about the OP paying for him might help. What I meant was and I'll use myself as an example, if I had adopted a dog from a charity and they had a foster who needed a home, then I could give that dog a temp home. I couldn't adopt them though as I couldn't afford another dog and a charity is unlikely to be able to pay for a dog for its lifetime. But if the original owner can and is happy to pay, then that's a win for everyone.
I've got an only-dog now but I bet there are people who Spaniel Aid or a similar organisation know who would be happy to have two dogs but can only afford one.
The OP seems to be looking at various solutions and that's only sensible.
While a dog with SA is not easy to rehome, I certainly think it's possible and I very much hope the OP finds someone. With a little help, I could make it work and I'm not that unusual. Just don't do much other than spend time with my dog.

Also, to all those who say breed-specific rescues are best, try telling that to a dog who spent six year in kennels under the care of a breed specific rescue. I don't want to name them as I'm sure they do their best but I can't help but think that there are other non breed-specific rescues which would have done a better job.

Well there's a waiting list with sprocker rescue. But I guess each charity has it's own issues. I've had a look on our local ones the sticking points around here as in dogs not picked for a long time are the ones where the charities say, no young children, can't be left alone. You can't be above a certain age.

Now we're above a certain age, have grandchildren visiting so we're not suitable candidates.

I saw far too many greyhounds and pit bull looking dogs (thanks media scaremongers)

I honestly think that spaniel rescue and others who have fostering capabilities work better than some of the big charities.

I've two neighbours who've worked with golden retriever rescue for decades, they've both rehomed three times over the years.

@StillRunningUpThatHill I really feel for you. My friend is in the same situation except she is single and late 50s.
She got a dog to enhance her life, but unfortunately because of his SA it has done the exact opposite. She has tried many behaviourists but little seems to help. She managed to get someone to look after him when she has to go into the office now 2 days a week, but other than that can never go out unless it's with him. It's so sad as one of her close friends has moved back to Australia but there's no way she can visit as no one to leave the dog with that would stay with him 24/7.

I can't volunteer to look after him as although there's someone around most of the time, we do like to go out together occasionally.

I work two jobs from home, one full time and one part time, to ensure my dogs have the best insurance, food, grooming etc. But then I would never, ever contemplate getting shot of them.

Are you STILL going on?

Then how do you have enough time to spend any quality time with them?

How do you enrich their lives if you're always working?

Good for you

Now, can you possibly think of some reasons why that might not be an option for everyone?

Well, thank god you're here, @WalkingonWheels 🙄

And if your magical unicorn two jobs WFH order you into the office? Then what?

Or your financial situation collapses as so many do? You can't work any more, your companies go bust / make you redundant?

You become sick, disabled, terminally ill? Your dog bites you or attacks someone else? Then what?

Life has a habit of getting in the way of terribly strong ethics, morals and principles and forces you to confront yourself and your attitudes.

We also won't give up our dog any time soon, but I'm also realistic about if the shit hit the fan and how we could cope.

My anxious howler has had 8yrs of work on her behaviour and we have not made any dent in it despite throwing time, money, behaviour specialists, medication, training, more training, more exercise (she's now arthritic so can't allow her to be over worked), more sniffing, games, working behaviours etc and she is still just who she is.

She can't be cured, she might bloody enjoy singing the songs of her people for all I know - perhaps it's the highlight of her week?!

And if you're working 60(?)+ hours a week have you truly got time for enrichment of your dogs lives around that? Sounds very dubious to me.

Singing the songs of her people

Yep, she's part husky and very adept at howling when it suits her. I'm always disappointed she doesn't howl along with emergency services sirens 😁

It seems you’ve done all you feel is possible and are at the sad point of arranging to re-home your dog. As I’m sure you know, rescues and charities are overwhelmed with dogs currently. I volunteer for a breed specific rescue - we are out of foster homes as are many others.

im sorry you’ve had a bit of a battering from some perfect people. There is a definite problem with lockdown pups, and with people who believe training involves throwing treats at any undesirable behaviour but most people who reach the point you have, are doing the least worst thing for their dog (best thing might need the magic wand)

They can't order me into the office. I'm a disabled wheelchair user and I work from home ☺ I'm already sick and disabled, yet funnily enough, I still haven't given up on my dogs. I may not be able to walk any more, but I've made damn sure that my dogs get the best life, because I love them.

I have plenty of time for my dogs, thanks. My jobs ensure I have, or I wouldn't do them. My life revolves around them. I got them, I'm responsible for them and I wouldn't give up on them, no matter what situation I found myself in (and have probably been in most of them!).

That's what genuine dog lovers do, see. Children have issues too. Do people just give them away?

The OP could easily sort the situation by paying for daycare when she has to go into the office, like other dog owners do. If she loved the dog, she'd make it work.

Ok you're perfect. Nobody cares.

That's what genuine dog lovers do, see. Children have issues too. Do people just give them away?

1. Dogs are not children.
2. Sometimes parents can no longer cope and seriously disabled children or young adults go into full-time care.

Please just lay off the OP. Who has, incidentally tried daycare, as you would know if you read her posts with the thoroughness with which you seem willing to criticise her.

They are living beings with feelings, not objects to discard when you're fed up with them being a dog.

The dog isn't seriously disabled.

The OP said a daycare centre wouldn't take the dog because he was anxious (yeah right), and said she couldn't afford the other type of daycare in someone's home. Perhaps you should read more thoroughly.

Hi all. To update, a lovely lady from Spaniel Aid phoned me tonight. She was so kind and patient while I sobbed down the phone and was so non-judgmental. She’s hopeful they can find him a foster home and will make enquiries - in every other way he’s a dream dog and good with children so she’s tentatively confident.

I’ve done nothing but cry since I came off the phone and he’s had so many cuddles but I feel it’s the right thing for him. She said they will only put him with people who are home all the time which is what he needs.

I can’t believe I’m coming back to you after you have been so vile, but here goes.

We tried a big daycare place. Tried and tried. They started him for thirty mins, then an hour, then tried longer. He wouldn’t settle at all and was anxious. After trying for a couple of months they said it wasn’t working. They actually said commercial style daycare doesn’t generally work for dogs with SA, which is also on their website.

He does go to daycare in a family environment now but they can’t take him for more days. I’ve tried. And the other ones on a website someone linked to on here would be twice the price and even then I was looking at them last night and there’s none with availability near me. I have for months been on every local FB group asking and asking for availability but there is none.

So you know what, just fuck off. I’m done with you now. You’re going to judge me but I know I have done everything to try and work round my poor dog. I’ve missed weddings, parties, my kids’ bloody parents’ evenings, missed out on promotion because I didn’t want to commit to more hours in the office that that would involve. So yeah. Just fuck off now.

I'm so pleased that the lady at Spaniel aid was so helpful and kind op - she's an expert and she thinks you're doing the right thing so anyone else can piss off!

You've done more than your best for your dog - he will settle into a wonderful new home and you will hopefully be comforted by knowing you did everything you possibly could - and then some! And now you're giving your beloved dog a chance of a home that's more suited to his needs. Lots of people would have rehomed long before now - and that would have been ok too.

My cousin fosters for Spaniel Aid... he currently has 5 springers!

They're a great organisation.