Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

@fieldsofbutterflies You're probably right. It's just the whole situation, and many others like it, are so very sad. And obviously this thread will be read by many others so I thought it worth bringing up.

My in-laws were ‘firm’ with their dogs from the beginning. Both had severe behavioural problems, one severe SA and bit multiple times.

My neighbour has left her now 10 month old pup for 8 hours a day from 8 weeks. He is still howling and crying for hours each day.

Yep. Really works for all dogs…

I love how batshit Mumsnet is when it comes to dogs. In real life, people who actually care about dogs aren't patronised, or berated. The people who knowingly buy working dogs and then get rid of them because they can't handle them are the ones people get angry at.

At the end of the day, breeding aside (and I stand by that reputable breeders are of the highest priority when buying a puppy), this is yet another dog who is going to end up being rehomed because someone who can't be arsed with it and who did the wrong thing has decided it has to go.

Also, if you're getting a dog, you should be knowledgeable enough to know that some dogs DO get SA, especially dogs prone to being anxious, or needing a job to do. If you now can't afford daycare, why on earth did you get a dog? Especially this type that you seem to have deliberately chosen. Why do people think this is OK? Deliberately purchasing a working dog, not having a working home for it, not being able to afford to look after it properly when it has inevitable issues and then chucking it.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

That's absolutely appalling. 8 hours a day from 8 weeks?! Where does it toilet? How do they feed it little and often? My god, some people are just unbelievable.

No different than saying you can eliminate anxiety in humans by ignoring it.

If what you have gathered from my posts is that I “can’t be arsed” with my dog, either I’m not writing in English or you need to work on your comprehension skills.

You’ve ignored the posts where I’ve said we do scentwork (we’ve done the UK scentwork programmes) and basic gundog training too. But it suits your narrative to assume I’m clueless and treat him like a cute stuffed toy, so you do you.

You should be ashamed of yourself

OP isn't the one who should be ashamed of themselves 🙄

I find it quite interesting that so many bang on about kindness to dogs yet they're quite happy to be deeply unpleasant to a person who is crying out for help and clearly at the end of their tether 🤔

Absolutely. I’ve met plenty of feckless owners. I’ve met naive owners. I’ve met very cruel owners. The OP is none of those. Shit happens. Life doesn’t go as planned. Sometimes you can adapt and sometimes you can’t. If you can’t you do the next best thing.

Kicking someone when they're clearly desperate and at the end of their wits, nah you should be ashamed of yourself.
People have been getting 'working dogs' as pets for years, I have one and she isn't like this, this dog clearly has issues that the majority of dogs don't have, even the ones who have SA can be left for periods of time.
To be trapped and feel imprisoned by a dog is a sad state of affairs, but OP has demonstrated that she has tried everything.

But yeah, just stick the boot in.

^^ This I’ve been round dogs all my life I’m nearly 60, until I came on here I didn’t realise people didn’t leave puppies I’ve always left mine and I’d also never heard of SA until I came on here. Everyone I know who has owned dogs left them from an early age to go about their normal everyday life but if you go back 30 years ago dogs weren’t allowed in shops cafes etc, should also add no such a thing as behaviorists either people didn’t seem to have that many problem with their dogs.
Ultimately it’s a bloody dog I love mine and care for them but they are dogs and are treated like dogs not humans in furry suits they have to fit in with my life not the other way round. Mine go to doggy day care and have a dog walker everyone comments on how happy well adjusted and well behaved they are.

I’ve always left mine and I’d also never heard of SA until I came on here.

Okay? I’m not really sure why that’s relevant.

If you’ve never had a dog with separation anxiety then I suggest you count yourself bloody lucky. Banging on about how you do X and Y and your dog is super well adjusted as a result isn’t particularly helpful - especially when OP did all the same things as you and still has a dog that can’t be left.

Why do they go to doggy day care and have a dog walker? Just speak to them firmly, that's all you need! They should just be ok on their own like dogs would have been 30 years ago.

Thetgo to doggy day care and I have dog walker because I live alone and I have been having quite a lot of meducak treatment lately. My last appointment was 2 and 1/2 hours away and was going to take 4+ hours and then I had to drive back yes I could have left then them and actually they’d be fine but I wasn’t sure how well I’d be when I got back so as I can afford ir it just seemed like a nice thing to do for both the dogs and myself.

Oh, that's OK then. You do scentwork, so you're forgiven for yet another dog being given up on 🙄

If it was my dog, and I've had dogs with SA, I'd do anything within my power to solve the problem. If it meant taking on more hours or getting a second job to pay for daycare, I would. You're not willing to do that. And people are having a go at me? Honestly 😂

Oh just lay off.
OP has gone the extra mile several times.

It's not as though she bought a dog as an ornament with no idea about what dogs are like and decided when it was 2 and an untrained pain in the arse to ditch it.

Have some compassion for the people involved in this scenario as well as the dog.

I’m sorry you’re clearly so unhappy that attacking strangers online who are really having a tough time is the way to go. I love that you think getting a second job (on top of my existing full time job) out of the house will help a dog who needs me to be at home, and I’m sure my kids will just look after themselves too. I’m not going to engage with you any further but I feel sad for you that this is how you choose to behave. Maybe one day you’ll be really struggling and people will post laughing emojis and tell you you should be ashamed of yourself and you might reflect a little bit on that, but I doubt it.

@tabulahrasa

yes, because the majority do not live alone! The person could also use a dog walker etc

Stop trying to get this dog PTS

Take your half empty glass.. and fill it

How can you do the second job when the dog is at home alone while you work? 🤔

I’m not trying to have the dog PTS, I hope the OP either finds a solution, the right home comes up or that the rescues people are suggesting can help, will be able to.

That wasn’t a response for the OP about the ease or difficulty of finding a home it was directly about that comment.

Because with issues that limit someone leaving their house come extra appointments that dogs can’t go to, so more alone time, it means they need someone to accompany them to things, so more alone time for a dog, it means someone else is having to do extra stuff in the home and isn’t necessarily available to take on the extra work of a dog.

It’s as blind as suggesting that - maybe someone with a baby will take him because they’re at home and not busy 😐

30 years ago Mum was more likely at home, or working fewer hours. So naturally the dogs would have had less scope for SA.

There is always going to be an element of nurture vs nature but OP has eliminated that by the extensive training and resources she’s pulled at the issue.

My spaniel had zero SA and was happily left until Covid. When I went back to work after he started chewing etc. I can only assume he became accustomed to it. It wasn’t an issue for us as I work mostly from home and just took him to my parents on working days. The point in sometimes things evolve and sometimes circumstances out of your control contribute.

It’s not giving up if you find a better outcome for all involved.

Cockers have two issues sometimes/rarely.

One is separation anxiety
One is cocker rage.

Sprockers can inherit either condition

I don’t think I could ruin 3 lives just because I don’t want to ‘give up’.

How is it ‘giving up’ if the dog and owners are unhappy?

Its more acceptance of reality.

Hi just came on to say I have a dog very similar. It is utterly soul destroying. We have had him 7 years and I keep thinking of the things my children have missed out on because of logistics with the dog. We pay for doggy day care. Nearly 20% of our bills (inc mortgage etc) goes on the dog. Thrown in with the SA as that our dog also suffers with resource guarding, hates one of our children, hates other dogs etc. like you we have tried everything and spent so much money on behaviourists. My mental health is in tatters as we are a big family and I am struggling to cope. My parents were helping and offered to have him when we were desperate to go on our first ever family holiday without him. The holiday was awful as my parents called and text at least 5 times a day saying how they couldn’t cope with him. No advice that I can offer, but just wanted to say you’re not alone x