I want to get rid of my dog but feel guilty. What should I do?

[Neddie123]

I have a spaniel just over a year old. I previously had a cocker spaniel that I loved to bits. I've had dogs before and know plenty about dog training. I got the dog shortly after I lost my old boy (far too soon as I was still grieving). He was a very cute puppy but I just didn't connect with him, every time I looked at him I wished he was my old dog. My husband said to give it time and I did. He isnt nasty but I just don't love him, in fact I don't even really like him. He ignores commands and is extremely naughty, runs under the farm vehicle (this is so dangerous) so has to spend all time at work tied up. I've trained other dogs not to get in the way of the farm vehicles at work but this dog just doesn't care. I have wanted to re-home him almost since I got him. My husband said to wait til he was neutered, then said to wait til he is 1 and kept telling me to give it time. But he's now 14 months and I still really dislike the dog. Should I just find a home for him? I feel terrible about it but I can't carry on shouting at the dog all the time and don't know what to do. I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that. I'm not depressed or anything before anyone suggests that I need antidepressants.

Give him up and let him have a chance of the loving home he deserves.

Then don’t ever own another animal.

I agree with pp, let him have an owner that loves him

This.

It's very sad you haven't bonded with the dog. But someone who admittedly shouts at a dog for being a dog shouldn't have a dog - I don't think the fact you got the dog so quickly is the issue, I think you just have no patience for an average dog after having such a good dog before.

And that's okay. But it means you shouldn't get another dog if you're not willing to put in the effort into a new one who will never measure up to your old one. It's not fair on any future dog because you cannot guarantee this won't happen again.

From the other perspective if he can’t be trained then he is at risk of being killed by your machinery so it is best to rehome him.

I have a cat who is about 13 now, I will never get another because I know no other will ever be her.

This dog is not safe in your situation. He can not be on a farm, he is going to get hurt or killed. You either leave him at home (unfair with farm life hours) or rehome him.

This is sooo sad.

It is hard to make a new bond with a dog after having such a strong bond with a previous dog.

It does sound if you are a bit overwhelmed by the training and "issues" that your new dog has. Can you get a really empathic trainer on board to help you. Tell them how you are feeling and ask them to adapt their training so it works for you and your dog.

Could you also have a day for your dog in day care or a dog walker to give you a break and a breather.

I have to have spaniels for work - they can be hardwork and relentless at times. You are not the first person to need a spaniel free moment.

If you "get rid" of this dog you should not get another. You can't offer a suitable and secure home.

Don't keep doing this.

I don't actually agree that you should never own another dog if you rehome this one. I wouldn't advise you get a puppy though, try to get to know any prospective rescues before adopting one you've fallen in love with one and know is the right dog for you.

I'm intrigued that you're "shouting at" the dog.

May I ask what good you think that does?

If it came from a decent breeder they should take it back.

I feel for you, I wouldn't ever get another dog because it couldn't compare with my old one. You've discovered this and yes the best thing is to re-home him whilst he's still so young.

Ignore all the horrible posts where people call you whatever. You made a mistake, owned up to it and are looking for the best solution.

Very wise advice.

I still think it’s early days. I have only just started to bond with mine and she’s 18 months! Like you I had a previous dog who was ‘perfect’. She wasn’t but after 16 years together we were a pair. I glossed over the bad bits. She was my training buddy, competitive agility dog who got me to many big events.

New pup is a hell child despite hours and hours of training. Totally different even though the same breed type. I resented her for ages although kept faking it. Now things are beginning to slot into place and she’s turning into a fabulous little dog. She even came away from the cat this morning when she badly wanted to kiss him without me asking. It only took 3468755678 hours of training 😂

Hang in there. It does get better. It’s more common than you think when I let slip I felt the way I did to a fellow training enthusiast and they said they felt the same with every new dog. We’ve been having agility lessons for the last 7 months and last week for the first time I felt we were working as a team and we had that connection that you get when they are working for you. A glimmer before it went slightly awry but it was there.

“I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep”

That is awful, re home the dog so he can go somewhere and hopefully be trained properly and loved

Yes, rehome it, he deserves to be loved. You cannot help your lack of feeling but someone who wants to "get rid" if a dog is not a good owner. Please do not get another dog

The dog in front of you is the dog you've got.

More people would do well to remember that. When you get a dog, there is no guarantee of the dog you will get. It could be all the things you wanted, it could be all other things instead. There is a whole range of normal dog behaviour that you could be faced with.

That's kinda the deal you sign up to and so resenting the dog for being a dog, just not the exact kind of dog you had before, is just a one way path to misery for you all.

From the dog's POV: why on earth would it ever care about doing something for the person who resents them so much they sometimes wish they would die in their sleep. Whilst the dog obviously doesn't grasp that concept, you can be pretty sure it has an appreciation of the lack of bond between you and I'll bet my last pound that is influencing the poor training outcome.

Rehome responsibly or commit to improving the relationship/bind between you.

Wow. You dont deserve the dog. Teenage boy dogs are difficult. Working teenage boy dogs are 100x difficult. As other have said, do not get another

MN is so hyperbolic about dogs.

OP has had previous dogs, and been a responsible dog owner.

This dog is challenging & she hasn't bonded with it.

I am not going to offer advice about what she should do as others know much better than I, but to respond with 'never get another dog' is silly.

Hopefully there's a way forward with this dog. If not, as long as OP rehomes responsibly, why would that prevent her having a dog in the future?

Please contact Spaniel Aid and find him a home that better suits his needs.

@Neddie123 you’ve said many times you wanted to rehome the dog but your dh doesn’t seem to be on board…

id say that it’s great you’ve been aware it wasn’t a good match.
MN is a bit weird at times re the attitude towards dogs. Personally I believe that your initial reaction saying ‘not the right match’ was the best one tbh. Much better for everyone around that the dog finds an owner they click with.

Now I feel there are two options

• You rehome the dog as you wanted to do since the start.
• You tell your dh who wants to keep the dog, he is now in charge. In charge of training the dog, dealing with the dog being the way of machinery etc… and then let him take that responsibility. I suspect he won’t do it though which brings you back to the first option. Except he should agree to it this time.

I agree to be fair, she decided in the beginning that she wasn't going to love the dog the same way so hasn't put the effort into training it, what do you expect? You only get back what you put in with dogs, so people saying don't bother getting another one have got a point.

What if the next dog isn't like her old dog either? She's just going to tie it up and shout at that one all the time too? It's not the dogs fault she's holding him up to a previous dog that he had no knowledge of, if she's not willing to at least be patient and kind to this dog and attempt to train it properly (or get help with it) then she has no business getting another.

The best behaved dogs are the ones you have a close bond and connection with, this dog has never been given a proper chance, so yes, should 100% go to someone willing to put the effort in.

Yes please re-home him to someone who will love him. very unfair to keep him tied up all day.

Rehome. This isn’t going to change. A dog should bring joy to your life and being with a human should bring joy to the dog. This isn’t happening.

take some time (as in, couple of years) without a dog and see how you feel about starting from scratch then.

Rehome responsibly through a proper charity/rescue group to ensure he goes to a safe home. He needs to be somewhere safe with people who can be bothered to train and look after him. And do not ever get another dog.

I would contact the breeder to see if they would have him back. If not, spaniel aid would take him and quickly.

There is nothing wrong with admitting you haven't bonded with an animal.

Poor, poor dog. What you’re describing is no life for him.
For goodness sake contact the breeder or Spaniel Aid to give him the chance of the happy life he deserves.
Very upsetting reading.