I want to get rid of my dog but feel guilty. What should I do?

[Neddie123]

I have a spaniel just over a year old. I previously had a cocker spaniel that I loved to bits. I've had dogs before and know plenty about dog training. I got the dog shortly after I lost my old boy (far too soon as I was still grieving). He was a very cute puppy but I just didn't connect with him, every time I looked at him I wished he was my old dog. My husband said to give it time and I did. He isnt nasty but I just don't love him, in fact I don't even really like him. He ignores commands and is extremely naughty, runs under the farm vehicle (this is so dangerous) so has to spend all time at work tied up. I've trained other dogs not to get in the way of the farm vehicles at work but this dog just doesn't care. I have wanted to re-home him almost since I got him. My husband said to wait til he was neutered, then said to wait til he is 1 and kept telling me to give it time. But he's now 14 months and I still really dislike the dog. Should I just find a home for him? I feel terrible about it but I can't carry on shouting at the dog all the time and don't know what to do. I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that. I'm not depressed or anything before anyone suggests that I need antidepressants.

I just checked - she has had more than 1 dog:

I've had dogs before and know plenty about dog training.

It's worked out fine with those.

But on the basis of this one unfortunate situation, she should never again have a dog?

I'm sympathetic to both.

I see OP as someone who is upset at possibly having made the wrong choice, and wants advice on what's best to do.

It's possible to care about humans and animals.

But on the basis of this one unfortunate situation, she should never again have a dog?

An unfortunate situation is realising you're the wrong owner and finding the dog a home, but treating it kindly in the meantime. Not shouting at it and tying it up because it won't do as its' told.

I have no issue with people re-homing dogs they're struggling with, but you don't get to treat them badly because of it.

Totally agree and ignore the hysterical posters on here who are happy to stick the boot in when you're feeling crap enough as it is. Honestly I've been on here for 20 years and the dog house is one of the worst chats you can dare to be honest on.

Yep, and I'd have much more sympathy with her if she didn't shout at her dog, tie it up and wish it dead. As it is, she should know better and do better.

No, you're right of course.

I'm not the OP, but I don't think perhaps her words are being taken out of context.

If she truly is tying it up all day, and only ever shouting at it, that's very wrong.

I'm not convinced that's what OP meant though.

OP - I think you're getting really harsh treatment here. You're doing the responsible thing for the dog and he will find another home that is more suitable for him through a charity. You had no way of knowing what his temperament was like as a puppy. He's in danger of getting killed by your farm machinery ffs, so you're doing the right thing by him. I'm sure you'll find a dog better suited to farm life.

She shouldn't be treating it like that at all, though.

You keep focusing on the idea that it "might not be all day" but that's irrelevant. You don't shout at dogs and treat them the way OP describes just because there's no bond. You can still treat them decently.

I remember really struggling with my beagle when he was a similar age - it felt like he was being wilfully disobedient and he had me in tears more times than I care to remember.

It's okay to struggle and it's okay to admit you fucked up and picked the wrong dog, but at least do right by the animal who has no choice.

She's tying the dog up because it's running under farm equipment. I reckon that's also why she's shouting at it. Better to let it get squashed? Doghouse really isn't the place OP. Go to a fun dog trainer and see if they can help. If not then rehome. The dog isn't happy and neither are you.

If the dog is unsafe around farm equipment, then it either needs to stay indoors or on a lead - if it's not able to get itself in danger then there won't be any need to shout at it.

Set your dog up for success. It's so important.

Wow OP I feel so sorry for you and your dog.

And I’m afraid that Mumsnet is just a horrible place sometimes with a whole cadre of posters waiting for an OP where they can self-righteously stick the boot in.

you don’t need anyone to make you feel more guilty than you already do - though lots of deeply unpleasant posters are trying.

FWIW when my beloved elderly dog died I got another dog too soon. I knew it was too soon because one night I found myself bawling at the poor new dog to get out of my old dog’s basket…. But that did pass and I ended up loving that dog just as much. but they were very different dogs.

i think if you have given it your best shot to accept and train this dog but you still feel so negatively towards it then it’s probably best for you both to rehome it.

You know that you’re not a monster and that - for reasons unknown and despite your best efforts - you can’t bond with this dog and give it the home it deserves. yes, you’ve let the poor dog down - but do the right thing now.

Your grief wrt to your old dog will lessen with time. Give the new dog some love and attention ( you will have to fake it!) work hard on the training and make it as re-home able as possible. good luck and I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with such hate on here.

You can still treat them decently.

She may be doing so.

I disagree that tying a dog up at some points and / or shouting at times constitutes a lack of decent care.

The wider picture is needed, in my view.

Hm, we'll have to agree to disagree on that one!

This post is awful - 😢- poor dog and selfish entitled people !

People who are saying to never own another dog is because who's to say it won't happen again. I have a very difficult dog much worse than yours OP. I still think it's early days. Most people will say dogs tend to calm down around the age of 2. I think you need a break from the dog. Can your husband take on most of the dog work? Get a dog trainer also.

Jeez lying in bed wishing the dog would die I can totally understand. I feel it about my father because he's life is so pointless, it doesn't mean you actually want them to die or you would do anything to hasten their death. You sometimes literally cannot see a way out of a situation that doesn't involve pain and horrible decisions.

This is a really tough read, as I’m sitting cuddled up to my two rescue dogs that were not loved when they were young.

Give the dog to a reputable rescue - and as other posters have said - don’t get another dog.

Well, you haven't trained him properly, have you? It's your fault he's 'naughty'. Put some time and effort in and stop expecting him to be the same as your previous dog.

This

Poor dog. You shouldn’t have animals OP.

In what way is this dogs life pointless?

The dog could be with a loving owner and their family and live their best life whilst enriching the lives of his family. Hardly pointless.

Well, you haven't trained him properly, have you? It's your fault he's 'naughty'.

If this were actually right, no dog would fail sheep- or guide- dog training. We had a dog who had failed police dog training. These are all done by experienced trainers. Sometimes what you need the dog to do is not a good match for the dogs preferences and temperament. In which case, rehoming is the kindest option.

That's very high level training though. All dogs can be taught basic commands to keep them safe.
I agree rehoming is probably the poor dog's best option in this case, as the OP doesn't seem to want to try.

You are right @Haver74 it is very high level. However, I stand by my basic point that even professional dog trainers fail at times. I (not professional but spent years in training classes with each of my dogs) have a 12 year old who is almost immaculate in her obedience, has won prizes for it in fact. But there are 2 things I have never been able to stop her from doing despite intensive work. Fortunately neither is massively problematic in our day to day life so I can work around them. But if the thing was running under farm machinery and I worked on a farm, it would be very very different.

To those who are being really harsh with the OP - farms are industrial workplaces, not petting zoos. A dog who can't be trained to behave appropriately around agricultural vehicles/machinery poses a real safety threat not only to itself but to people working on the farm. If the OP really has done everything to train and it's just not working, it's better she rehome the dog.