I want to get rid of my dog but feel guilty. What should I do?

[Neddie123]

I have a spaniel just over a year old. I previously had a cocker spaniel that I loved to bits. I've had dogs before and know plenty about dog training. I got the dog shortly after I lost my old boy (far too soon as I was still grieving). He was a very cute puppy but I just didn't connect with him, every time I looked at him I wished he was my old dog. My husband said to give it time and I did. He isnt nasty but I just don't love him, in fact I don't even really like him. He ignores commands and is extremely naughty, runs under the farm vehicle (this is so dangerous) so has to spend all time at work tied up. I've trained other dogs not to get in the way of the farm vehicles at work but this dog just doesn't care. I have wanted to re-home him almost since I got him. My husband said to wait til he was neutered, then said to wait til he is 1 and kept telling me to give it time. But he's now 14 months and I still really dislike the dog. Should I just find a home for him? I feel terrible about it but I can't carry on shouting at the dog all the time and don't know what to do. I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that. I'm not depressed or anything before anyone suggests that I need antidepressants.

Rehome him. I have been on both sides. I rehomed a dog once. He has a great life with someone who loves him because honestly I didn't. Years later we rescued our boy we have had for 6 years. He had been returned to the shelter by 3 different adopters. One the same day. Yet he's perfect for us. I say rehome him and move on. And maybe in a few years you find your dream dog or you don't get another. Either is fine.

The dog knows you don’t like him hence his behaviour. Try changing your behaviour toward him. I’m not saying you’ll fall in love with him but it might help alter his behaviour. Dogs do pick up on subtle changes in tone and body language so he can’t really be blamed for being naughty.

I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that

You should feel wretched.

Rehome the poor dog. Do not sell him. Be responsible after your monumental fuck up.

I feel very sorry for both of you. I have had a dog I didn't bond with. I was disappointed that I didn't have the relationship I had wanted with her. She just loved men and that was all there was to it. Nothing I did would have made her love me - I was just supplier of food - my sons were the ones she wanted to snuggle with. She died in my arms at the age of 15 and had a lovely life but I didn't have a bond with her.

I do not understand the "Get him the home he deserves and never have another dog" school of thought. Along with my own little dog that I adore we have two other dogs - DH's own dog and another large cross breed that moved in with us when my mum became too frail to keep him. Both of these dogs were "rescues" rehomed as older puppies by people who for different reasons could no longer keep them. If either of those owners had been guilted into keeping them we would have missed out on dogs that are part of our family, the owners would have grown to resent the dogs and the dogs would not have had a fulfilling life.

I don't understand why people are free to end relationships with spouses or partners or go NC with other relations yet are expected to commit to living "til death do us part" with an animal. Let him have a fulfilling life with someone else and when you are ready, fall in love again.

Poor dog ! YES do rehome him to a loving family he deserves and don't bother getting another dog! How u speak about him is disgusting

How can you hate a dog. Get a grip.

No dog replaces the last but seriously, you feel it entitles you to be a shit owner to this one. Grow up.

If you really don’t like him give him up.

I grew up on a farm and we had a few pups over the years that got crushed under vehicles, terribly sad

He sounds very lively and someone will love him, poor little thing

These replies are so over the top. Worst thing you've read on MN? Seriously? On MN, the site famous for helping vicitms of domestic abuse?

OP - I would rehome the dog. You shouldn't shout at it, but at the end of the day, you don't have a good bond. Do you really want another 10+ years of hating your own animal. An animal should be a source of joy, there is no point to having one if it's going to make things miserable. There is nothing wrong with finding out the animal isn't for you, better just get rid of the dog so you can both move on. Maybe next time get an older dog.

God, there are some twats on here.

OP, you may not think you are depressed, but you sound as if you are still having a grief reaction to the death of your last dog. It's not unusual, and you can get help through Cruse or the Blue Cross.

Your feelings about your current dog are probably nothing to do with him, really: they're about your unresolved grief. Please try some counselling - you may find your feelings change completely.

This. It's difficult to read about your poor unloved dog. Give him up and give him a chance to be loved as all pets deserve. Your old dog is dead and no other dog will be the same.

Dogs know when they are loved and try harder for the person that loves them.

OP. I am an experienced dog owner and absolutely love my dogs. But my current dogs have been extremely hard work to train for various reasons and sometimes I've found myself thinking that should one run into the traffic it might save me a lot of stress. I don't mean it, just as you don't really want your dog to die in its sleep. It's a way of simply wishing for an easy way out when feeling totally overwhelmed. I have always found with dogs that when they hit 2.5 years old they usually mature quite a lot and things can change. I have a spaniel though who is 4 and still pretty prey driven and a bit crazy. However in your situation where machinery is involved you need to work out if there is hope for your spaniel or whether they are actually not quite suited to the environment. Rehoming a dog can feel like failing but sometimes it can be for the best. I don't agree you shouldn't have another dog but I'm pretty sure you'll be much wiser about what you're looking for. I hope you can work out what's best for you and not let any of these haters get to you. I think reaching out for help when at your lowest and getting replies like these isnt really helpful and I feel for you and hope you're ok.

Do what you want op.

Rehome and if you want a new dog, research hard to make sure it’s compatible with your lifestyle and get it if you want

@Neddie123 rehome if that's what you want to do. One if our neighbours has a cocker. They are experienced dog owners but just can't seem to get on with this particular dog. Everyone is miserable, them, the DC and the DDog.

If you use a breed specific charity I'm sure there will be someone out there who will be only too happy to have him

Some of these replies are awful. Why are people so unkind? It makes me despair.

This lady is struggling and has reached out for help. If she didn’t care at all she wouldn’t have done that.

OP I feel for you. I lost my dog in 2020 and the grief was horrendous, I couldn’t get out of bed.

It was my husband that was more enthusiastic about getting a new pup, I was apprehensive because I felt like no dog would be like my dog that I lost. We got a spaniel puppy and for the first year, it wasn’t a love story! She annoyed me, she resourced guarded and was bloody hard work, not to mention I just grieved my old dog even more. There were days I really regretted getting her and wished she wasn’t there.

Past the age of 1, she really settled down and our bond just grew and grew. I love her so much now and she is incredibly bonded to me. I cannot imagine life without her.

I would wait a little longer if I were you. Try and do little things just you and the dog to build your bond. He will be picking up on how you feel, they are so clever. Rather than tying him up could you crate him for short periods? His behaviour might be better if he is happier. I really hope it works out for you ❤️

Yes, it’s interesting that people who wang on about cruelty to animals have no compunction about being total shits to someone going through a bereavement. As you rightly say, if the OP didn’t care, she would not have asked for help.

I think you will find that the OP a would have had very different feedback / replies if she had come on here and said ‘ I’m still grieving my last dog , my husband bought me a puppy and we haven’t bonded should I rehome him ‘ . Most people would then be saying that’s fine rehome through a spaniel rescue , give yourself time and best wishes . The issue is that the OP has said she ties him up , shouts at him constantly and wishes him dead - that is not a normal response to any dog . I thoroughly dislike my neighbours dog , he savages the fence every time I go in the garden and is eating holes in the bottom of my fence , which his owners don’t care about - I still don’t wish him dead .

I don't really know what you expected OP. You post on a part of Mumsnet that's mainly used by dog/animal people that you shout at and tie up your dog and wish he was dead and then think that some of the replies are harsh??

Please, for the dog's sake, re-home him asap and he can have a chance of getting a human who loves and adores him.

You realise that wishing someone or something dead doesn't actually harm them, right? Half the posters on this thread seem to believe in voodoo.

And not everyone experiencing a grief reaction realises that that is what is happening.

The PP did however realise that something was wrong, and reach out for help. Sadly, what she mostly got was abuse. Well done, everyone who gave her a kicking - what a great job you have done, in ensuring that - the next time someone who needs support to protect an animal thinks about reaching out - they won't do it. What a sterling job you have all done. Round of applause. One less source of help for people who want to de-escalate behaviour they have recognised as wrong.

If you say you are having thoughts about harming your baby on MN, you will rightly get masses of support, aimed at protecting both mother and baby. A bit more compassion on this forum would help to protect animals.

As the OP hasn't been back for days I guess she took action and contacted

1. Spaniel Aid
2. other dog rescues
3. The dog has now been rehomed hopefully.

I couldn’t agree more with this.

Grief is so horrible and isn’t time limited. The lady hasn’t mistreated the dog, she admits she has shouted at him and tied him up and realises this isn’t ideal for the dog. Rather than support her, people have been cruel and villainised her, it’s just so hypocritical. This forum must be full of perfect dog owners, but are apparently not so nice in other ways.

Im not surprised she hasn’t come back. OP if you do come back, forgive yourself for feeling the way you do and not enjoying your dog. And if you do rehome him, then that is OK, and its totally your choice if you wish to have a dog in the future. My best advice would be don’t seek advice on this judgemental forum again, from people that don’t really know you. ❤️

I’m amazed so many people don’t consider shouting at a dog to be abuse .

The lady hasn’t mistreated the dog, she admits she has shouted at him and tied him up and realises this isn’t ideal for the dog.

She IS mistreating the dog, she KNOWS she hasn't bonded with him, she's known it for nearly a year, but instead of putting the effort in to bond with the dog to enable training, or rehoming him, she ties it up, shouts at it and wishes it was dead, the dog doesn't understand why it's being tied up and shouted at, it is cruel to inflict that on a dog and you don't have to be a perfect dog owner to find it unacceptable.

She doesn't deserve to be judged for it not working out and wanting to rehome him to a better life though and I think you'd be hard pressed to find a reply on here that is judging her for that, you're ignoring it as it doesn't fit your narrative, but in fact most dog owners are suggesting rehoming, telling her it's not her fault and giving her plenty of support of places and resources to make it happen. The judgement is all centered around her treatment of this poor animal who, through no fault of his own, has ended up with them and still remains there being mistreated.

The lady hasn’t mistreated the dog, she admits she has shouted at him and tied him up

Errrmm 🫣

Oh give over! She's not standing over a cowering dog screaming at it. She's shouting at it to try and keep it from running under farm machinery! Equally it would seem the woman works on a farm and keeps the dog tied up while she's working so it doesn't die! That seems rather sensible? No? Christ alive people. She recognises that she's frustrated with this dog and hasn't bonded. Nothing she has done is in anyway criminal and she's trying to work out what to do next. So all you perfect Patty's can just fuck off.