Page 3 | I want to get rid of my dog but feel guilty. What should I do?

Sureaseggs44 · 30/01/2024 18:47

Neddie123 · 30/01/2024 16:47

Thank you, I feel that those that have said I shouldn't ever get another dog are being deeply unfair. I'm in a horrible situation and extremely upset at even writing this post.

I understand what you are saying and it is a bit of a vicious circle . I had a lurcher cross for 16 years and he was a very special dog . We had a very deep bond . Have had two dogs since . One absolutely ok . The other one I just did not bond with and still struggle with him . Luckily the bond has grown and in the house he is perfect , but I know the lack of bond has affected his training , in fact one trainer gave up and outside the house he is very hard work . I am 7 years down the line and he is here for keeps and I do love him but I do think we were not the right owners for him and it would have been kinder to let him go to probably a proper gundog family .

Blamethrower · 30/01/2024 18:48

The dog is picking up your energy around it and that's probably the root of the behaviour
Let it go to a loving home
And don't get another dog...you might want that one 'to die in it's sleep' as well

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/01/2024 18:51

You don't love him, you don't like him, you've even admitted you dislike him - so you haven't bothered with any training.

And now someone suggests a FUCKING ELECTRIC COLLAR

Jesus God Almighty What next ?!!!

Oh ! I know what next - oh the dog is not trainable, he will be dangerous - solution anyone else figured it out yet ? ...

The dog deserves a decent loving home with someone who wants him and will love him, someone who will love him to bits ! and because that person or family want him and will love him they will make the effort with him and keep him safe, and do the training etc.

Ladyj84 · 30/01/2024 18:53

Aww bless and the dog will feel you don't like it aswell and this will cause bad behaviours. I would rehome before it gets much older so can be loved and trained

BarelyLiterate · 30/01/2024 19:00

Ignore the rude, sanctimonious, judgemental idiots OP.

This dog hasn’t worked out for you, and you haven’t worked out as an owner for him. The reality is that this does happen, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Of course, with the benefit of hindsight, you might have made a different decision about getting another dog while still grieving, but you now need to decide how to move forward.

It’s OK to acknowledge that re-homing is probably the best option for both of you, particularly as the dog is still young. Contact breed re-homing organisations & talk to them about finding the right home for the dog. Good luck.

chattyness · 30/01/2024 19:09

OP please rehome that poor dog asap it deservesa better life,much better than the treatment you are giving it, if I lived near you I'd come and get it myself I really would, I can't believe that you said you'd wish it would die in it's sleep that's truly horrible thing to think & say, it breaks my heart

Atethehalloweenchocs · 30/01/2024 19:09

Some of these replies are so nasty and ridiculous. Not every dog bonds with every person and vice versa. OP, in the situation you describe, it is much kinder to rehome and you should do this as soon as possible - there are spaniel specific rescues. I have had to rehome a dog. It was heartbreaking, but as my puppy grew, it became clear my home was not the right place for her. She is now in a home which fits her much better. I have had dogs my whole life, this was the only time I have had this experience and it was very upsetting - made me ill actually. I initially felt like I should never have another animal, as I must be the worst person ever. Fortunately, people who have known me for years, met various pets and could therefore actually make an informed opinion talked me into it and when I felt ready I rescued an adult dog. It has been a very different experience, much more harmonious all around. Please tell your DH this cannot go on. Sending you a hug, ignore the haters on here.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:11

Who knows if she would "bond" with the next dog? It is an animal not a pair of shoes.

Indeed. I'm not a dog-owner (except for family dogs when growing up) so I recognise the limitations of my experience.

If OP had never had a dog before & was blithely & on a whim getting dogs, failing to put the work in & treating them poorly, I'd agree with you.

But if a responsible owner has a dog that they don't ultimately gel with or who doesn't fit well into their lives, I cannot see the issue with rehoming, as long as it was done appropriately.

Clearly caution should be exercised in the future, but it's crazy to say she should never have another dog.

catelynjane · 30/01/2024 19:12

Ignore the rude, sanctimonious, judgemental idiots OP.

I think people would have a lot more sympathy if she hadn't wished the dog would die in its' sleep.

Floralnomad · 30/01/2024 19:13

I’m saying she shouldn’t have another because of her treatment of this dog and the fact that she wishes him dead - that is not just ‘not bonding’ so try another , that is deeply unpleasant and shouldn’t be near any animal .

Strassen · 30/01/2024 19:14

Try a gun dog trainer first. E-collars do work if used properly. It allows a dog a free life rather than being "humanely" tied up for most of its life.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:14

To wish it would die in its sleep is one of the worst things I have read on MN, it is one of God's living creatures and deserves better than you as its owner.

Have you and the other posters shrieking about this comment ever heard of nuance?

This is what OP said:

I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that.

It's clear that this wish is not some active desire, but an expression of how desperate she feels, for whatever reasons, about her pet. She immediately follows it by saying how 'wretched' she feels.

She's not planning to kill it or hurt it in anyway, FFS🙄

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:15

BarelyLiterate · 30/01/2024 19:00

Ignore the rude, sanctimonious, judgemental idiots OP.

This dog hasn’t worked out for you, and you haven’t worked out as an owner for him. The reality is that this does happen, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Of course, with the benefit of hindsight, you might have made a different decision about getting another dog while still grieving, but you now need to decide how to move forward.

It’s OK to acknowledge that re-homing is probably the best option for both of you, particularly as the dog is still young. Contact breed re-homing organisations & talk to them about finding the right home for the dog. Good luck.

Thank goodness for thjs practical, sensible post!

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:18

One of them is a rescue and she’s difficult but I make it work because I made a promise to her.

Your commitment and love for your dogs is admirable, truly.

But honestly, you can't make 'promises' to animals. They aren't people.

They deserve love, proper care, and responsible ownership of course. If it's not possible to provide that sufficiently, it's not wrong to responsibly rehome them.

catelynjane · 30/01/2024 19:23

Strassen · 30/01/2024 19:14

Try a gun dog trainer first. E-collars do work if used properly. It allows a dog a free life rather than being "humanely" tied up for most of its life.

E-collars will be illegal in England from Thursday.

PastaDog22 · 30/01/2024 19:23

I'm so sorry you're in this situation! My own dog had serious aggression issues around 14 months, it was honestly hell living with him and he did end up biting someone. I was terrified to have him around DS but we've done so much intense training (non stop, being with a trainer at 7am on a Sunday, all his food from my hand kind of training). It took about 6 months for him to calm down. I think a combination of just getting a bit older and the consistency and tiring him out really helped. He's still horrid at the door, but we're always working on it.

I felt during that time that we were not friends, and I admit that I had similar thoughts about him not being in my life, just because I was so overwhelmed with a newborn and I resented having to deal with a newborn and an aggressive dog at the same time. I cried almost every walk we had.

I agree that getting a break from him (eg dog walker, don't recommend daycare for an energetic dog with no understanding of rules) will really help you enjoy him again. I also think you should try to carve out time just doing something like playing with him or stroking him to build your bond.

He shouldn't be free to run in front of vehicles until he's trained otherwise. It is absolutely possible to train bulletproof recall. It just isn't fun.

I know this is so hard but you can do it, this is just the worst bit. You are probably his whole world, I know you can turn it around even though it feels impossible right now!

catelynjane · 30/01/2024 19:24

They deserve love, proper care, and responsible ownership of course. If it's not possible to provide that sufficiently, it's not wrong to responsibly rehome them.

I don't disagree, but in the meantime, you don't tie them up all day, shout at them and wish them dead. Not bonding with a dog is fine, but it doesn't mean you can be nasty to it.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 30/01/2024 19:25

To add my two pence, it is possible to change your mindset and commit to the dog, recognise that it's here to stay and put effort into loving it. Once it feels secure with you then it might be more inclined to obey you and want to please you. So I'm not saying that you're wrong for feeling as you do, but it might be possible for you to change your mindset - I have heard of this happening, with a good outcome, with someone who hadn't bonded with her dog.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:31

catelynjane · 30/01/2024 19:24

They deserve love, proper care, and responsible ownership of course. If it's not possible to provide that sufficiently, it's not wrong to responsibly rehome them.

I don't disagree, but in the meantime, you don't tie them up all day, shout at them and wish them dead. Not bonding with a dog is fine, but it doesn't mean you can be nasty to it.

I'm not fully sure but I think there's a bit of extrapolation from OP's posts that might not be correct / fair.

She doesn't say she shouts at him all the time or has him tied up all the time - he has to be tied up during the working day / on the farm (we don't know how much of the day that is) and she says shouting but not that she just shouts, more that she shouts when he goes under farm vehicles)

I don't know of course, and maybe her dog is being miserably treated but that's not the impression I get from OP.

catelynjane · 30/01/2024 19:32

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:31

I'm not fully sure but I think there's a bit of extrapolation from OP's posts that might not be correct / fair.

She doesn't say she shouts at him all the time or has him tied up all the time - he has to be tied up during the working day / on the farm (we don't know how much of the day that is) and she says shouting but not that she just shouts, more that she shouts when he goes under farm vehicles)

I don't know of course, and maybe her dog is being miserably treated but that's not the impression I get from OP.

Show quote history

It's right there in her post.

"Should I just find a home for him? I feel terrible about it but I can't carry on shouting at the dog all the time and don't know what to do. I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that. I'm not depressed or anything before anyone suggests that I need antidepressants."

People aren't making things up - she said it all.

AUDHDVET · 30/01/2024 19:32

This thread is so sad. I can’t imagine feeling this way about my boy. The worst I’ve ever thought of him is “I wish he would nap more so I could have a little break”. His presence enhances my life even when he’s a little shit!

I understand in farm environments you need him to behave but have you actually used a trainer?

Greeksummer · 30/01/2024 19:35

Please rehome that poor dog so he can have the life and love he deserves.

Oh and it’s not nasty to tell you to never own another pet. What will you do if you get another and decide you don’t want that one either? Just keep acquiring dogs and getting rid of them until you eventually find one you like? Top tip: tying a dog up all day and shouting at it is NOT an effective way to build a bond. Absolutely despicable.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:36

@catelynjane

Did you not read my post at all?

Yes the words are there but in the wider context of her OP, it does not sound like the dog is only ever tied up & always shouted at - the 'always' shouting appears to be in the context of him not obeying instructions re machinery.

And the 'wish he would die in his sleep' comment is a despairing remark at feeling upset & helpless.

I saw a great deal of concern & upset in OP's post, looking for advice, she's got some but she's got a lot more vitriolic judgment. I assume she won't come back - why would she?

EarringsandLipstick · 30/01/2024 19:38

Greeksummer · 30/01/2024 19:35

Please rehome that poor dog so he can have the life and love he deserves.

Oh and it’s not nasty to tell you to never own another pet. What will you do if you get another and decide you don’t want that one either? Just keep acquiring dogs and getting rid of them until you eventually find one you like? Top tip: tying a dog up all day and shouting at it is NOT an effective way to build a bond. Absolutely despicable.

She has had other dogs (dog?) that she bonded perfectly well with.

It's not the case of a careless, selfish owner - she possibly shouldn't have got a dog when she was still grieving her last dog but honestly the drama over this - what is wrong with rehoming the pet, sensibly, and correctly, if at this stage it's not working out for their home / work environment?

catelynjane · 30/01/2024 19:39

@EarringsandLipstick well, it sounds like that to me. I'm afraid all my sympathy is with this poor dog, not a human who can and should do better.