I want to get rid of my dog but feel guilty. What should I do?

[Neddie123]

I have a spaniel just over a year old. I previously had a cocker spaniel that I loved to bits. I've had dogs before and know plenty about dog training. I got the dog shortly after I lost my old boy (far too soon as I was still grieving). He was a very cute puppy but I just didn't connect with him, every time I looked at him I wished he was my old dog. My husband said to give it time and I did. He isnt nasty but I just don't love him, in fact I don't even really like him. He ignores commands and is extremely naughty, runs under the farm vehicle (this is so dangerous) so has to spend all time at work tied up. I've trained other dogs not to get in the way of the farm vehicles at work but this dog just doesn't care. I have wanted to re-home him almost since I got him. My husband said to wait til he was neutered, then said to wait til he is 1 and kept telling me to give it time. But he's now 14 months and I still really dislike the dog. Should I just find a home for him? I feel terrible about it but I can't carry on shouting at the dog all the time and don't know what to do. I sometimes wish he would die in his sleep or something and then feel wretched for thinking that. I'm not depressed or anything before anyone suggests that I need antidepressants.

There isn't a problem with his behaviour - he is ' naughty ' - he is ' untrained ' because she hasn't done anything with the dog because she doesn't love him / doesn't like him / actually dislikes him !

She got a replacement for a previous dog, and has not found the feelings she hoped for / expected and as a result she needs to rehome him ! Simple !

and she has already had him a year, this love is not going to magically appear !

So...she needs to rehome him. Simple.

I agree.

Another failed dog. Please don’t get another.

Not as horrible as the position the dog is in…

Sorry, but you should allow him to go somewhere where he will not be compared unfairly with a previous pet.

Shouting at him will just confuse him and his behaviour will worsen.

My Dad's life is pointless, I sort of wish he would die (he's mid 90's) so that the problem went away without me having to deal with it or feel responsible and sad about it. I get what the OP means, she wouldn't have to make decisions, you're misunderstanding me although I concur that my POV probably does sound a bit startling.

😢feel so sad reading your post. I hope you can find the dog a new home asap. He would know you dislike him. This is probably why he is nutty.

The hysteria on these threads always makes me laugh. It is CRIMINAL in the eyes of mumsnet to put your own well-being before an animal’s. First reply sums it up.

You keep saying that you loved your old dog. I adore my dogs and because I love them so much, it kind of makes me feel loving and protective towards all dogs because the thought of them being with someone who hates them is so awful.

I can’t really understand why you wish your dog would die when no one is forcing you to keep him! It makes no sense.

I'm glad it makes you laugh, and I wish I could do the same!

I feel so much for OP with the hideous sanctimonious bloody up-their--own-ass replies she's had (I hope my little ranty reply against them also makes you laugh 😀).

How does sometimes wishing the dog would die in his sleep hurt that dog one iota? The dog can't read her mind. And do any of you realise there are much much worse things then dying in your sleep? I know it would be my preferred option when my time comes.

Leave OP alone. She's having a really hard time while the dog runs her ragged. But of course you would all love that dog so much he would behave perfectly, because you're all perfect aren't you?

Thank goodness for the caring folk on here.

Please rehome the poor little dog. He deserves a better life than the one you're giving him.

Oh bore off! This is yet another dog thread where someone buys a dog when they know they shouldn't and we are supposed to feel sorry for them because they CBA to train it. With all the "caring" folk weighing in to make the OP feel better.

The dog isn't reactive, it isn't naughty, it just isn't trained - and isn't to OP's tastes. So yet another dog gets put on the scrap heap.

I hope people reading this who are thinking about getting a dog when they know they shouldn't, take heed. No doubt they'll be the ones posting in 6-12 months' time though.

Is it possible that he's still a pretty young dog, with associated adolescent "naughty" behaviour?

I feel as though I love my dog (who is 5yo) more than I loved him when he was 1yo. But having said that, I did love him when he was 1yo.

I suppose the most important issue is his dangerous behaviour re the machinery. If you think that there is no way at all to get round this, I suppose rehoming might be the way forwards.

Do you think you would miss him terribly and only realise that you did love him once he was rehomed?

I have been in a very similar situation in that I took on a puppy shortly after having my old dog put to sleep and never bonded with him and ended up rehoming him which I still feel some guilt about but I think was the only solution.I have had other dogs since and am still mourning one of them years after she died.I am considering getting a puppy later this year as I am now semi retired.I'm afraid that rehoming your dog is the only solution.

THIS.

This is why we aren’t falling over ourselves to give our sympathy to OP.

Dog isn’t what she wanted. And she wants to get rid of it. It’s sad for her. It’s worse for the dog that she routinely screams and yells at, ignores when she isn’t screaming and actively hates.

She shouldn’t get another dog if she can be so dismissive about the current one - there is nothing to suggest a new dog would be any better. She should give up the dog she’s got as she clearly (and admittedly) doesn’t love it and give it a chance at a good life. A life it deserves. But she hasn’t. She knows she doesn’t like the dog and instead of doing the adult thing and rehoming it whilst it was young, she has IMO abused it by neglecting it, tieing it up and treating it like shit. And before anyone says it’s not abuse, this is abuse.

feel terrible about it but I can't carry on shouting at the dog all the time

It’s all very sad for OP. But, let’s not pretend OP is a saint. She isn’t. Everything she is feeling is being felt 100x by the poor dog she yells at all the time.

Have you tried professional training? Some dogs are just a bit more difficult to train than others and maybe different training methods /ideas suit this dog better? I’d imagine having a difficult dog would make it hard for you to bond but if he was doing what he was told you may find it easier to connect with him.

Nobody says the OP is a saint. But she’s human and humans have complex feelings. Ok so I don’t shout at my dogs as it achieves very little and damages the relationship I need to ensure training works but I do sometimes feel less than charitable towards them.

As I said upthread it can be normal not to bond with a new dog for months - even years. Sometimes for no good reason. But vilifying someone for having very legitimate feelings isn’t helpful.

Either fake it till you make it - I did - manage the situations and hope things improve or rehome. Neither is wrong and neither morally precludes you from a dog in the future.

If this were actually right, no dog would fail sheep- or guide- dog training. We had a dog who had failed police dog training.

To be fair, dogs fail those training programs for temperament reasons (ie are too nervous to be happy doing the job) not because they cannot be trained in the specific behaviours.

That's what is meant when those dogs 'fail'. Not that the trainer found them untrainable - which would be a pretty embarrassing day if that were your job.

I feel so sorry for this dog.

I would imagine it comes from fear and frustration if it’s running under farm machinery.

Rehome @Neddie123
I’m a passionate dog for lifer but I’d never have a puppy and choose wisely from rescue. A young spaniel has a chance of a fantastic and long life in the right home.

And does she imagine the dog knows what she's saying and why she's shouting at it?

@Neddie123 do you have any children?? would you get rid of them????????

If you shout at a dog all you do is teach them to bark. I’m surprised you didn’t know this with all the dogs and training you’ve had before.

Don't feel bad, he's not suited to farm life. He'd be better off in another home it sounds like.

You'd feel bloody awful if he got squashed by a tractor and badly hurt.

I’m sorry you find it difficult to hear. @Neddie123 , but if you can’t love the animal that you chose, raised and are responsible for making a good dog citizen then people are probably right that you shouldn’t have another dog. You clearly aren’t in the right place to do so

Our first dog died young and we got another dog a month later. I haven't bonded with the new dog in the same way as our first (who I adored) probably as a bit of a self defence mechanism as I was devastated when first dog died. I try to do things like going to training/ cuddles on the sofa/walks to help us bond but I have come to the conclusion that I won't ever love another dog quite like our first. Contact the breed society for advice on rehoming as I would think at his age/breed he could find a good home easily.

For everyone berating the OP, you do know it's possible to feel sympathy for both the dog AND the owner? They are not mutually exclusive. It sounds like a horrible situation for both, but the OP is taking ownership of the problem and trying to find a solution.