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Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

985 replies

Helplessandheartbroke · 03/01/2024 18:40

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

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Helplessandheartbroke · 09/02/2024 22:02

@pinksheetss hello and welcome. Sorry to meet you like this and so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure you've not read all 800 posts and I do not blame you but if you had, you would see youre not alone and me and other ladies on here completely resonate with what you're feeling.

Noone can give a baby and a dog all their attention. I didn't give ddog anywhere near as much when ds was born and he was demoted downstairs instead of on our bed. We can't feel guilty for this, we do whats best at the time. Next up, hindsight is a wonderful thing and if dogs could talk to us, then we could help them a lot more but its a huge guessing game! Please don't feel guilty for these things although we all have. My boy would have been 7 in March so similar age to yours. I've recently found out bulldogs have an average life expectancy of 7.5 years so he weren't far off.

Your boy had kidney failure. You did all you could!

Lastly he is not alone! He will be with my boy playing and rolling around up there! Waiting for us to join them one day.

Keep talking and sharing and we will help you as much as we can. Huge virtual hug and hand hold x

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Zandra123 · 09/02/2024 22:05

@pinksheetss
I'm pleased you've e found this thread, everyone is so lovely. they were our babies, our family but many don't understand how hard it is, but it's ok not to be ok.

Everyone seems to experience the guilt one way or another, the what ifs, but the reality is we did our best and it was their time.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/02/2024 19:34

Sorry I know most of that must sound so silly

No, people are on this thread because they're going through or have been through similar. Flowers

stockpilingallthecheese · 10/02/2024 19:59

Helplessandheartbroke · 08/02/2024 21:12

@stockpilingallthecheese I'm so sorry for your loss. It is extremely painful and everyone on here knows how much so. 💔 sorry to meet you like this. Do you want to tell us about your girl? Re the guilt, been there! X

Thank you.

This will be really outing if anyone I know is on here but never mind.

Our girl was 11. One of our three and just such a good girl. She was a working gun dog for a few years before arthritis stopped her and was just an absolute saint, the sweetest and easiest dog. Just over 6 months ago we noticed she was losing her back end on a walk. I took her to the vet that day and they just said it was likely arthritis and gave her pain meds. The next morning I went down and she got up and immediately fell over and soiled herself. She couldn't stand on her own. Back to the vets who suspected a neurological issue and referred to a specialist. We were waiting for a call to let us know when she could come in but later that night she had declined to the point she was paralysed, so we rushed her in (nearly 2 hours away, in the middle of the night). We have a baby so I couldn't go with my husband and sobbed my heart out thinking it was the last time I'd see her, as we said due to her age if she needed spinal surgery we wouldn't put her through it (been there with another dog).

After many tests the vets diagnosed polyneuropathy where basically the nerves stop sending signals from the brain to the muscles and therefore you lose all movement. We had many awful discussions about what to do - we were told a full recovery was expected but likely very slow, and it wouldn't be easy. We nearly lost her a few times as it affects breathing and swallowing. But she made it through and after nearly 2 weeks she came home. She was a shell of herself - literally every muscle had wasted away to nothing and she could only move her head.

The next couple of months were insanely tough and we questioned if we were doing the right thing for her but eventually we came out the other side, and after lots of time, and a lot of physio, after 5 months we were able to take her on her first 'normal' walk with our other dogs. It was the happiest day, we were happy, we'd done it, she was better and she could live pretty much as normal for the rest of her life.

Tragically, and unbelievably, about a month later it just happened again. Just like it did before. Her back end went first and she couldn't stand. We said to ourselves, if she's worse tomorrow we will say goodbye. And she was. Our vets were fantastic and came to our house that day. It all felt like an absolute whirlwind - one day we were celebrating her enjoying her life and just like that she was gone. It just seems so cruel and every day now I wish we'd never put her though it the first time.

Sorry for the essay but it helps to talk to people who understand!

Helplessandheartbroke · 11/02/2024 10:40

@stockpilingallthecheese don't apologise and thank you for sharing. Sorry for the late reply I was at a do last night. You sound like an amazing owner all you did for her! She's clearly had an amazing life.

Don't worry about outing either I've been very much so on here but I feel this thread is my safe zone.

Have you managed to read any past posts? If not I'm happy to share.

It's 8 weeks today for me and I had started to feel a bit more human but a couple of beers in last night and talking to a friend that also knew ddog well I just burst into tears again. I miss him so much ❤ 😢

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Helplessandheartbroke · 11/02/2024 18:27

Is anyone on tonight?

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Ineedwinenow · 11/02/2024 22:17

Helplessandheartbroke · 09/02/2024 15:42

How is everyone?

@Ineedwinenow how are you recovering?

Thank you for thinking of me, I’m just trying to heal but I’m in so much pain, I’ve been out of it for a few days with all the various medications I’m currently on but I need to try and somehow get back to life but the constant pain I’m in is making it difficult

How are you? and everyone else? I’m back home but usually when I’m unwell Daisy used to snuggle next to me in bed and I don’t have her anymore so I’m feeling really low at the moment, I’d give anything to have her back but i can’t ☹️

4658Lou · 11/02/2024 22:35

@pinksheetss i so relate to your post :( I’m so sorry for your loss x

4658Lou · 11/02/2024 22:36

@Helplessandheartbroke i am I just checked in tonight x

4658Lou · 11/02/2024 22:37

@Ineedwinenow i relate to your post too so much. I would give anything to have my little one back and well but I can’t xx

Helplessandheartbroke · 11/02/2024 23:16

@Ineedwinenow glad you're recovering. Its the small things we miss the most don't we.... ddog hadn't slept in our bed since ds was born for safety reasons but just not having his presence here as I wfh and sharing a biscuit with him. I no longer work in the kitchen as he's not there with me. It's too hard.

@4658Lou I hope you're doing ok. I'm just feeling really sad and deflated and need a good night's sleep for once....

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Helplessandheartbroke · 12/02/2024 20:29

How is everyone? X

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Zandra123 · 12/02/2024 23:29

Hi, weekend went well as I had my adult kids visiting and we talked lots about what happened and how we couldn't have done anything to save him, as it seems he'd started to bleed inside. But now they are gone and I'm lonely and house is empty and all I can think about is missing my little friend.

It's early days, only 16 days , hoping it gets better and I find ways to cope. Need to start with sleep tho, nights are worse.

Hope everyone is doing ok, we will be ok I'm sure, we will get through these times and be able to look back with happy memories and even laugh at the funny things they did and their unique little ways.

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/02/2024 02:01

@Zandra123 yes to the sleep! It's so hard. Sorry you're feeling when dc go back 😔 do you live alone?

It's just over 8 weeks for me and it's still rough but I no longer feel like I'm having a breakdown x

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Danascully2 · 13/02/2024 12:46

Hi everyone, work is busy at the moment so haven't been keeping up but just wanted to share that although still really missing my old boy I've got to the point of thinking about another pet. It will be a while before we actually have one by which time I will be ready but I have taken the first step and am feeling quite excited if also a bit nervous :)

So sorry to hear everyone's stories who have joined more recently, I do know how hard it is but it's good to talk about it.

Helpless and heart broke, I'm really pleased to hear about your son's school and that you are feeling a little better. I was a bit of a mess even without any OCD or other complicating factors so it must have been so tough for you.

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/02/2024 14:11

@Danascully2 thank you so much! My ocd did consume me with things I wish I'd have done and blaming myself. Getting ds in the school has finally brought me some comfort. I'm so glad you're doing better!

I'd love another pet but with ds it's not the right time to train a puppy or rescue. When do you think you will look for? X

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Danascully2 · 13/02/2024 14:29

Hi,

You do sound like you have a better perspective on why you have been struggling so much. I can't discuss the specifics as it's a bit outing but it will be another cat (hope I'm allowed to say that in the doghouse - I did actually strongly consider a dog...).
It's really important not to rush into anything and if I'd still had preschoolers I would have left it longer. They're old enough now to follow instructions/give a new cat space when needed/keep doors closed etc.

Am still a bit nervous of going back to the work of litter trays, scratched sofas etc on top of general hectic family life but am sure it will be worth it!

Danascully2 · 13/02/2024 16:13

It will be a rescue cat.

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/02/2024 16:37

@Danascully2 everyone's welcome here you know that :) there's so many cats that need to be rescued I think your old cat would be proud of you! I've been very outing don't worry about that lol

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Danascully2 · 13/02/2024 19:44

That's a lovely thing to say thank you.

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/02/2024 20:11

Of course and I mean it.

How is everyone this evening? I'm just back from 3.5 hours in a&e with ds x

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Iheartmysmart · 13/02/2024 20:32

Hello @Helplessandheartbroke Oh no, what happened to your poor DS? I hope you’re all okay.

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/02/2024 20:38

@Iheartmysmart croup! Again.... how are you? Thank you for your well wishes x

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Iheartmysmart · 13/02/2024 20:46

Poor DS, croup is horrible isn’t it. For them and you. I remember spending many hours sitting up with my DS when he had it. I hope your DS feels better soon.

I’m okay thank you. Work has been busy so I’ve not had the chance to get out much over the last couple of days. Although it’s been raining here all day today so wouldn’t have been much fun anyway!

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/02/2024 20:56

@Iheartmysmart thank you. Hes had steroids so hoping he wakes up feeling better tomorrow.

It's rained all day here too! Are you north? X

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