Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

@Helplessandheartbroke how are you do you have support too? X

@4658Lou I wouldn't be far from the truth if I said I'd had a mental breakdown last month after losing ddog. It was the tip of a large iceberg for me. I felt I could have and should have done more for him and the ladies on here gave me so much reassurance and advice, more than I received in RL. Please keep talking on here x

@Ineedwinenow I'm sorry your going through this too. My boy was diagnosed 2020 and although it was a battle learning how to inject and getting him to accept it we got in a routine and we were doing well. I was told once he was stable everything would be ok, but the statistics give you about 18 months to two years once diagnosed.

He was doing well but started losing weight just before Christmas 2022 but was absolutely fine in himself and was just a little thinner and vet wasn't concerned and we didn't need to adjust his dose.

But same as your dog it was so sudden and we were told he had internal bleeding but they did t know from where. He had been through so much and I'd fought so hard for him but I didn't want to put him through any more treatment when he would have hated being separated from me and with such slim chances that it would work.

My heart broke that day he was so loved and so special, i know deep down it was out of love that I let him go and I held him as he went and talked to him but God I miss him and beat myself up with what ifs

@4658Lou sorry just seen your second message. I've got some support with dh but he doesn't understand my thoughts as I've got ocd and it's been quite severe after losing ddog. Blaming myself and torturing myself for not getting round to doing things for him before he passed away. It's consumed me but dh thinks he was well looked after and loved and doesn't understand my worries. @ErrolTheDragon @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau @capabilityfrowns were all really supportive to me with these things and I can't say how much I appreciated it x

@Tara336 I'm sorry to read your post you clearly did all you could for ddog x

@Tara336 what was wrong with beloved dog? I can tell you loved your pet so much x
i requested my dog medical history I don’t know why I just wanted to read it it’s been 1 weeks since my beloved little one was PTS at home, apparently a few months ago his glucose was raised slightly and his kidney function was not great but not that much that they were concerned maybe that was the beginning of it they never explained it to me exactly like that in person I was told the blood tests were ok so I felt like I didn’t need to go back the vet again for yet another blood test, so along with the spinal issue and seizures I think he had kidney disease / failure as it says on his blood test was indicating that but it wasn’t enough for them to think something was really wrong and then diabetes because of the glucose slightly high again must of been the beginning of things :(
how long do dogs survive even with treatment for diabetes/ kidney failure and or kidney disease disease I don’t think it’s very long anyway? Aw if he did have that with all the piano issues that stopped him pooping I feel terrible for him :( x

Sorry that’s was auto correct I meant to say spinal issues that stopped him pooping I feel terrible for him :( x *

@4658Lou this is why I never asked for ddogs I couldn't bear to read all the suffering and chances to see a specialist we missed as we didn't think he needed it at the time. Also they recommended I bathed his cysts in Epsom salts and I never got round to it (dh and ddog would clean them and he didn't appear in any pain).

As they can't speak to us we never really know how much they're suffering unfortunately and a lot is a guessing game making things much more difficult.

I had a tough therapy session this morning where I explained how I was still blaming myself and got very upset again. It's drained me for the rest of thr day 😓counting down until bed time x

@Helplessandheartbroke I’m same I’m thinking if I had gone to the neurologist etc for my one. I didn’t think so either because at that time a few months Ah o I said to bet let’s see how he goes with the laxatives etc and in my mind aslong as he was pooing something then we was ok but really that was just for me in reality he was straining all the time and the spinal condition wasn’t going away so of course over time it’s going to happen yet again…

Please don’t beat yourself up for not bathing them that’s not lack of care at all he will have been grooming etc. my little one had not had a bath or cleaned his nose because he hated it haha so before he went to sleep he had not had a bath and I feel guilty about it but he hated it and hated when I cleaned his crate out every few days because it got rid of his scent so I didn’t do it for a week to give him comfort with his own scent.

it is a guessing game definitely they could of been in discomfort but not show because they were just so happy being near us

I can imagine the therapy session was draining but in the long term it may do you good to really talk it out to process it all x

@4658Lou It was diabetes initially, I was told I'd have a couple years longer with him which I got. But the internal bleeding was caused by his red blood cells disappearing so he would clot they said it may have been cancer. I'm sorry for your loss too

@4658Lou thank you and thank you for sharing. My boy was due his Xmas bath the day he passed so I felt bad for that too. Hindsight is wonderful isn't it and we need to be kinder to ourselves x

@Tara336 ah I thought it sounded like diabetes…bless your dog xx
I never got told my dog had it but when I look back on his medical notes a few months ago his glucose blood test was off abit but not enough to warrant further just to recheck next time and I never really got explained to about that it’s only when I have read it afterwards when I have requested his notes (he had yearly blood tests with vets maybe if he had lived I would of found out in couple months or something anyway) I think my dog had it and that was the start of it a few months ago and i think he had kidney disease and diabetes along with the confirmed spinal issues confirmed by x ray but those blood tests records now has me now convinced because the lovely vet who have helped to PTS asked did he have diabetes and or kidney disease I said no because I was never told this but after reading his medical record looks like it was going that way with kidney function off and glucose abit raised. How did you find out your little one had diabetes? Was his blood test? I’m sorry for your loss aswell. I’m only a week today when I lost my one so I’m at the why ifs and buts part of my grief x

@Helplessandheartbroke and really in reality does it matter they were not bathed before hand? All the times they were and looked after we tend to forget those and concentrate example one time they were due for a bath and we didn’t. If my boy could of talked he would of said no way I’m having a bath on my final week but I will have that cheese your offering- I gave him cheese for first time 🥹
hindsight and thought after are like a plague of the mind x

@4658Lou you're 100 percent right! I was torturing myself for giving him an odd chocolate digestive, it didn't kill him and he loved them! All the negative thoughts come out during grief don't they! How are you and baby doing? X

Is anyone on tonight?

@Helplessandheartbroke my baby is a good distraction as I get so busy with him x

They really do all of it comes out during grief all negatives no matter which way there will always be something we pick on that ‘we did wrong’ or ‘should of done’ I think that’s grief stage because we love them so much x

I'm always up silly hours, don't sleep well at all.

Feeling a bit anxious too tonight, missing my little pal being here.

Mine liked a bit of digestive biscuit too, in fact there's a lot I had to share, it's the little things that make life good for them, I wouldn't have changed a thing there.

A card arrived off the vet with his paw print in and a packet of forget me not seeds , made my eyes leak !

Hope everyone's doing ok

@Helplessandheartbroke im on now but was not earlier hope you are ok x

@4658Lou I noticed him begin to drink more and it just started getting worse and worse to the point the bowl was dry. It was lockdown and hard to see anyone initially. I was about to see vets when I had a feeling he was blind, my husband said I was imagining it but I was convinced so I rang my vet insurance helpline spoke to a vetinary nurse who got me to do a few tests o er the phone then said get him straight to the vets I call ahead and tell them your coming,

I wasn't even allowed in with him had to sit in the car. The vet came and spo,e to us in the car park said his glucose was so high the reading went off the scale, he had cataracts because of the diabetes and was blind. They kept him in overnight to bring his levels down and the following day I collected him went to my own vet was shown how to inject and sent on my way.

We spent a lot of money having the cataracts removed about 2 months later and his eyesight was back, that was wonderful to see when he realised he could see me.

He was a beautiful dog and loved so much I did all I could to make his world happy. Life is not quite the same now there an ache I don't think will ever go away. I have my new little scruffy pup she helps a lot, I like to show her where I walked with my boy, I'm sure she senses my sadness

Hi ladies sorry I finally fell asleep about midnight so missed these. I'm not sleeping well either. I've tried to stop beating myself up over feeding him wrong foods and not bathing his paws etc but god I still miss him soooo much. I'm sorry were all in this boat. Hand hold to everyone, I feel your pain 💔

@Tara336 it's great you got his sight back! I wish I could have for my boy and he would still be here but his was a painful glaucoma x

I think there's also a significant difference between how something like cataracts would affect a dog vs acute glaucoma. The former is a gradual loss, they can adjust and adapt to use their other senses. The latter would have been sudden and bewildering as well as painful.

@ErrolTheDragon you're right thank you again x how are you getting on? X

@Zandra123 im missing mine too. I also got a sympathy card from the vet made me cry :( just when I read it really hits home I also got a lovely and from the at home PTS vet she was lovely x

Sorry meant to say I also got one from the at home PTS vet she was lovely. I always wondered how they can do that job :( we said to her do you do this thing common she said the must common is old age dogs with cancer etc and younger dogs that are what she calls ‘brac dogs’ Brachycephalic type breeds like Boston terriers like mine and pugs, frenchies and bull dogs etc she said they are often go younger because they are plagued with problems :( i loved my Boston he was the gentlest loving soul ever it was not my choice of breed he just happened to come in my life as a puppy and I raised him for nearly 6 years and they were lovely but he was so young to be plagued with so many issues that it’s completely put me off any sort of Brac dogs it’s ashame for them…I think England want to ban them Boston’s and pugs/frenchies etc x

My boy was a bulldog @4658Lou average life expectancy is 7.5 for them x

@ErrolTheDragon the diabetic cataracts formed very quickly his eyes improved a little once his glucose came down. When we took him to the specialist vet for the op she said he also had a torn lense which may have been from when he was attacked by a greyhound as a puppy or nay have been caused by the speed the cataract formed. I'm so glad we were in a position to give him his sight back, the aftercare was a huge undertaking but worth it to see the joy on his face as his vision cleared. But financially it was an awful lot of money.