Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

Sorry everyone it's been one of them days!

@Tara336 please reach out and ring your vet and ask the questions you need to ask, you need to do this for closure. Dont be worried about doing so, I did it twice and cried down the phone to them.

@Zandra123 love the new car. We have got to be kinder to ourselves but it's so difficult isn't it. And how it would be easier if they could speak to us.

@Ineedwinenow how you doing? It's traumatising isn't it.

@4658Lou hello lovely and welcome. Sorry to meet like this but thank you for joining. I hope this thread can bring some comfort to you. I guess you'll never get all the answers but try and take some comfort in the fact ddog is no longer suffering.

I can't stop blaming myself and feeling the guilt. A friend of ours came round today and we spoke about our boy a lot. He's had a hand painted portrait done for us we will get it in a few weeks. He reminded me how much we loved and cared for him from the start to the very end and this is what I have to keep reminding myself. As hard as it is. Hope you're all ok x

@4658Lou

Goodness you've been through a lot, I don't think we should underestimate the toll on us with all the worry and the trying to do our best and make the right decisions. It's so very hard.

My boy had been poorly in heart failure since August, but something else happened in the days before he died, his last blood test showed low platelets, kidney and liver were struggling, but there was something else I'm sure that lead to his final rush to the vets. I guess maybe an internal bleed, we've gone over what we may have missed many times. But I guess it comes down to their little bodies having had enough.

@Helplessandheartbroke i know unfortunate to be speaking under such circumstances for both of us

I’m the same I have so much guilt too what if I had more money or more Insurance to treat my little one I’m having difficulty over that because of his age too being so young he didn’t live a long old life. I feel so helpless x

@Zandra123 im sorry about your loss it sounded like your dog was very ill :(

you’re right about the toll it takes on someone I keep thinking because he was only 5 years 10 months could I have kept going but as my other post indicates what his symptoms were it was few things going on with my little one and plus I didn’t have the money to keep going the insurance wouldn’t cover all this neurology stuff and mri I’m not sure what everyone’s pet insurance was like but mine was you could claim twice in the same year for the condition and was limited up to a few thousand it was already £700+ just for an poo removal under general and I had to pay that upfront before insurance was then claimed I just don’t have that sort cash to keep going :( I feel like if I did maybe I could of got him seen to more it’s just guilt about everything

@4658Lou we ended up cancelling our insurance as our boys issues were always his eyes and we could no longer get insurance to cover his eyes but they wanted 50 quid a month! So we cancelled as we were paying for everything ourselves anyway. Sadly our boy on had 1 eye and that eye went on 17th Dec. We made the decision to pts rather than him suffer with no eyes. He would have been 7 in March so also not very old x

@Helplessandheartbroke thats sounds awful but it was right thing for your poor little one with no eyes would be terrible ❤️ aw was same as my dog not very old then x
I found these insurances won’t repeatedly cover the same issue mine was you can’t claim twice in one year for same thing but my little one repeatedly had the same issues the none pooing was everyday I just tried to manage it but he strained everyday it stemmed from the spinal issue…the seizures he had in clusters if I went get every single time to claim investigations it was a repeated issue within the same year therefore no claim and mine only covered a few thousand at a time :( them vet bills sure add up esp with referrals etc x

@4658Lou it's not even about the money it's about their suffering and quality of life. My guilt has consumed me. Was it my fault he went blind, should have seen a specialist, should have seen how he coped with no eyes.... but the reality is, we had to make the worse decision of our lives to do what we think is best for them. That's all we can do out of love. I'm sat here crying now as I miss him so much it hurts 😢 it's overwhelming. Someone told me recently our pets are here for a good Time, not a long time. So sad but so true x

I never had insurance, I never wanted a dog and I inherited him when my mum died, he was four then , so I knew him and he knew us. He soon taught us all things dog and trained us well, and we ended up just obsessed with how can something be so cute and clever.

When I got him and took him first his first vaccines I was told he had a grade 1 heart murmur, nothing to worry about , but I knew then that his heart wouldn't be covered if I got insurance as it would be on his records .

I did get some inheritance and had £7000 kept for him £800 which had gone on dental previous. When we took him at 5am to the vet hospital I had to pay £500 immediately, after three days the bill was £3500, oxygen was like £425 per day etc. it was frightening the rate it went up, In total since august it's £5500 on meds and vet fees. I'm just glad it was enough but scary . It is putting me off getting another dog, as I couldn't do it again.

@Zandra123 it's a good thing you had that money aside! We're fortunate that dh is a good earner and saver but worst case I always have an emergency credit card. That's why we cancelled paying 50 a month when we paid out for all his eye treatment in the last few years anyway

@Helplessandheartbroke yeah of course the suffering comes first seeing my one strain to go toilet every day or seizures now and then was awful :( but I mean that because I didn’t have the money I didnt have the choice with money to make a referral or get him more assistance with his spinal condition and seizures etc I feel guilty I couldn’t help more I really did try everything I could financially too I remember that first time and vet wanted hundreds upfront I had to borrow it to give him a chance to see if it would get better what about if I had been rich would he had a better quality of life what if I had done more this is we’re my guilt is setting in x
i am too sat here crying and getting upset I wish things could be different for us both and our dogs lived to a good age :( x

If I had the money for spinal surgery and visits to the vets for the not drinking the seizures and a bunch of weight loss maybe I could of relieved him or managed him it’s all the if onlys :(

@Zandra123 thats frightening how quickly the vet bill goes up. Some are not fortunate to have access to that kind of money :( imagine if you had not had that that’s the situation some people are in :( can somehow round up a few hundred but if it’s extensive and needs multiple care then that’s going into thousands, it shouldn’t be about money but it is for vets my vets would not treat without money up front regardless of insurance so what’s point of insurance if I have to pay a few hundred or a few thousand up front what if it’s not there to pay? You don’t expect the little ones (pets) to cost multiple thousands I have one dog left who is 12 and I have moved her straight away from that vets and into another that doesn’t seem as money orientated and also will check with the insurance before any treatment begins to make sure it’s covered but regardless it’s an awful situation to be in. I said to a vet if I can’t find the money what would happen she had no problem telling me then it would be euthanasia if no money it’s horrible. I even found £450 + from somewhere I just really pulled it from nothing to pay for my little one to have a dignified at home PTS by another private vet, there was no way I was taking him into that vets he was registered with …grief really is a process I’m feeling anger upset hurt guilt just all at the same time :(

@4658Lou it's exactly the same with humans. If you're rich you can afford the best medical care, mental health care, relaxing holidays etc. It's part of life unfortunately. Please don't beat yourself up over that. You did what you could x

There certainly shouldn't be vat added on, and there needs to be more regulation. I do know the vets train a long time and all the equipment must cost a fortune but I'm sure there could be something more to help, some sort of an interest free loan system, pets aren't just a luxury they are companions and help with mental health for many.

It's heartbreaking to think pets are suffering more since cost of living etc. when I win the big lottery I'm setting up a vet fee foundation.

I'm lucky also I don't have young children and my adult kids aren't financially dependent. All that said there's only so much you can put their little bodies through isn't there.

@Helplessandheartbroke i know :( I wish dogs and had a sort of nhs I know it’s just what is is some kind afford it some can’t I’m trying not to beat myself he passed Monday and it’s still so raw and all the what’s ifs are being thought x

Dogs and animals* had a sort of a nhs
I meant to say

Agree with you both and love @Zandra123 enthusiasm of when you win the lottery haha! Wayyyy past my bedtime ladies. Try and get a good night's sleep and I'll speak to yous soon x

@Zandra123 I agree what is that VAT I got one of the bills that said £125.65 added VAT, there needs to be more regulation you’re right. I respect to be a vet must be expensive for the training etc but something surely could be done as I think more animals suffer because of this if you don’t have money they don’t get the testament they won’t do it for free. I asked my previous vet do you offer payment plans and it was a straight out no.

Yeah it is heartbreaking to think pets are suffering more since cost of living etc. people can’t even afford their own food and it’s hit hard. I wish that too if I was a millionaire I have always said I would set up some sort of refuge for sick animals or dogs etc without a home to have a room with a bed and warm fire/heater to curl up to next and blankets I would do this if I was a multiple millionaire vet care for needed animals xx
i have a teenage child and just had a baby 12 weeks ago so you can imagine all this happening with my beloved little one when we just had a baby
You’re right there's only so much you can put their little bodies through someone said to me the other day just because there is treatment is it right? I know for a fact if there was endless money there my vet would have kept going doing referrals hospital days in and tests and treatments to all try but if no money they advise euthanasia, but that should of been advised from the get to that doesn’t relieve the pets suffering that’s prolonging it :(

@Helplessandheartbroke goodnight xx try to get some sleep

@4658Lou terrible sleep again dreamt about my boy.

Hope everyone's OK x

@Helplessandheartbroke same just can’t seem to switch off x

@4658Lou it's torture isn't it. Congrats on the baby though. Must be difficult trying to navigate your way through grief with a new born x

@Helplessandheartbroke its super tough because I’m needing to everything as a new mum that can’t stop but I’m in such a grief that at night that’s when it hits me again I allow myself to then be upset and cry etc. it’s really difficult I can’t stop thinking about my little one I keep going to ‘let him out for a wee’ or to feed or just going to were he slept I can’t stop myself it’s really upsetting im still doing it x

@4658Lou I can imagine love ❤ must be tough. Hopefully the baby will be a bit of a distraction for you. How's your partner? Do you have support? X

@Helplessandheartbroke i do have support husband is great and friends but he was my dog beforehand so I’m extra feeling it because I treat my dogs like family I don’t want to go on to much in fear I’m really worrying people of my grief over my pet