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Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

985 replies

Helplessandheartbroke · 03/01/2024 18:40

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

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Helplessandheartbroke · 31/01/2024 09:41

@miamiamia869 it was 3 days after we departed I believe. I was driving home after dropping ds off at nursery and I saw the strangest rainbow I've ever seen. It was like a backwards c or horseshoe, way up high in the sky and in the centre of it was a big fluffy white cloud.

To me it was ddog. To some its a strange rainbow but I like to believe. I miss him so much! Crying now thinking about all this. Hope you're ok

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miamiamia869 · 31/01/2024 16:05

Oh sorry didn't meant to start the tears for you.

It was deffinstky your dog. As you say, some don't believe. I do. I think taking little signs and letting them heal is a beautiful thing.

I 100% believe in after life......I know some don't believe but I actually had a dog come through on a reading before. Not my dog. My aunts dog.

She told me about my grandad, his name, how he died, what went In his coffin, everything. She said he had a little dog with him named kitty (my aunts dog, he lived with my aunt for some time). She also said he had a little blonde boy about 4 years old. I disagreed with her and said no it can't be. She told me it deffinstly is and to ask my nan. Turns out his nephew died at 4 of a brain tumor.

As said I know some don't believe in that stuff, and that's fair enough but I certainly do and think if you have a sign you believe than it probably is and if it helps heal that lap it up xx

Helplessandheartbroke · 31/01/2024 17:11

@miamiamia869 no I actually feel guilty when I don't cry.

Wow thank you for sharing that what an amazing reading! I was hoping to go for one next week but dh is on nights and I've no childcare.

I definitely believe. My mum visited one after I had a late miscarriage and the baby came through but again the details they couldn't possibly have known as nothing on social media etc regarding the details she gave.

I hope I'll be reunited with him one day.

How are you getting on? Hope everyone else is OK too?

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miamiamia869 · 31/01/2024 18:44

Ah so sorry to hear of your misscarriage!. I had one in november at which is why I was on the website in the first place.

Ah she was fantastic, no advertisement or anything. She stopped doing it and I've been looking for a medium myself. I haven't been in years and years. I know there are alot of fakes out there and after how amazing she was I'm not sure I could trust or believe anyone else. Hopefully I pluck up the courage to try soon.

I am sure u will be reunited some day! I fully 1 million percent believe.

I'm doing okay, getting better. How about you?. I even managed to watch a "dog" film today. X

Helplessandheartbroke · 31/01/2024 19:49

@miamiamia869 thank you and I'm so sorry to hear about yours too. If you'd like to talk about anything let me know.

That is a Shame she stopped. Can you ask for a recommendation?

I thought I was starting to pick up but I feel really sad and deflated tonight. It's heartbreaking 💔 😢 I just can't get used to him not being here x

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Helplessandheartbroke · 31/01/2024 20:39

Is anyone on tonight? Wondering how a few are doing that haven't been on for a while too. Hope everyone's OK x

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ErrolTheDragon · 31/01/2024 20:40

There will be ups and downs, the fact you've had some better days is good @Helplessandheartbroke . There will be more.

I'm a totally non-woo atheist but I still find hope and joy in a rainbow - for me they're a reminder that the natural world is full of beauty.

Helplessandheartbroke · 31/01/2024 20:53

@ErrolTheDragon thank you for replying. How are you this week? Is dh back home?

I feel guilty for the good days but I do miss him everyday. I honestly don't think I could ever own a pet again!

I understand why people don't believe as I'm not religious but I guess I'm spiritual x

Wondering how our friends @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau and @capabilityfrowns are doing x

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ErrolTheDragon · 31/01/2024 21:40

We're both away tonight instead - hopefully the thing he's been dealing with will be done by the weekend!Smile

Helplessandheartbroke · 31/01/2024 22:12

Away together? Enjoy!

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Zandra123 · 01/02/2024 01:10

I am so glad I've found you people, so wish it was in happier circumstances tho. My husband is very much life goes on, he had a good life...
it was the first day today that I've not had anything to do, no vet or meds to prepare, nowhere to go, the house felt so quiet and empty and I was frozen for a while just so I made myself to do some cleaning, we'd had a lot of wee and diarrhoea in the days previous so I did want to give everywhere a good clean.

I've still his got bed in its place with his ashes in, but I've made small steps in organising some things. We've decided to make a memory book and print some photos off, we have hundreds of photos, everywhere we went my son loved taking them.

I hope everyone is doing ok,

Helplessandheartbroke · 01/02/2024 10:03

@Zandra123 glad we've found you too but agreed not glad about the circumstances.

Well done for having the motivation to do your cleaning! It's so hard isn't it. I'm still weeks later finding bits of my boys fur, in my car, under the fridge etc. It used to drive me mad but now I miss it so much!

I'm not having a good day but lack of sleep doesn't help.

A memory book is a lovely idea! I've been looking at memory boxes on etsy to put his blankets and collar in.

Hope you're ok today x

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Helplessandheartbroke · 01/02/2024 19:28

Is anyone on tonight? X

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Tara336 · 01/02/2024 19:48

I threw some old collers today, couldn't bear to throw the tags with his name on. I got rid of a coat he wore a couple times. I keep telling myself it's not him I'm throwing just things he hardly used. He's still here with me really.

Helplessandheartbroke · 01/02/2024 19:55

@Tara336 it's so hard getting rid of things isn't it. How are you? X

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Helplessandheartbroke · 01/02/2024 20:51

I'm really struggling again 😪

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Ineedwinenow · 01/02/2024 21:36

I’ve put all of Daisy’s collars, coats, leads and other bits and bobs in a cupboard I never go in, the house is so empty without all of her belongings, it feels like I have stripped all of Daisy from our lives but I can’t bear having it all around either so I just don’t know what’s right or wrong ☹️

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/02/2024 02:11

Hello @Helplessandheartbroke and all you lovely people.
I started catching up having got back from hospital today but got to the part about the dog with no eyes. I want you to know that although some animals can cope really well with one eye, both is a completely different of fish. My grandparents’ cat was saved after being bitten in the head by a badger and once home, having lost an eye and an ear, she crawled under the sofa and didn’t come out for weeks, a previously happy, lazy lap cat basically shaking with fear and hiding. Physically the rest of her was fine and viable but she was suffering the whole time. They don’t need to even be terminal or in physical pain for it to be the kindest thing to put them to sleep.

Back to being the cat person interloper… fairly unpleasant stay in hospital for a week where they patched me up as best they could, which wasn’t very well as my legs gave way at the top of the stairs and I slid down on my back, which hurt horribly. I was missing Velvet the whole time and feel very lucky to have her around. However, my mother isn’t really warming to her even now and is always comparing her to our late old cat who has been gone for a year.

Speaking of which, the catching them out of the corner of your eye, not wanting to put their stuff away, activities and places reminding you of them, it’s all part of the denial stage of grief and with pets it’s almost always extra difficult because the last time you see them they could almost be sleeping. It does pass but it’s so difficult, your brain takes a while to adjust to the gap in your life and it’s totally normal, though really painful, for it to last ages.

Zandra123 · 02/02/2024 02:15

Hope you're all doing ok, nearly weekend.

A bit of a dilemma, when we came home with his ashes on Tuesday we placed them in his bed which was still in its place in the living room. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. Now trying to think is moving the bed less upsetting for my son who's coming home tomorrow. I know once the bed has gone I won't put it back.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/02/2024 04:43

You will know best - I would probably keep the ashes in the bed but put the bed out of sight, it will keep the spirit of his ashes being on his favourite place but not be a constant visual reminder that he won’t be there again. You know your son best though.

Helplessandheartbroke · 02/02/2024 09:22

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau you've been missed! I'm sorry to hear about your fall, how are you? Did you manage to get any MH support I'm hospital? Hope you're having lots of cuddles with velvet now.

Thank you for your advice and sharing about your grandparents cat the poor thing!

I was back at the gp last night who has increased my meds. I can't shift the blame from myself. I know it's my ocd taking over with the intrusive thoughts but I'm consumed by it. Should we have seen a specialist sooner? Did I catch his eye the day before when he caughted his head in the door? It's like I have to blame myself for losing him and that's the second hardest part after actually losing him.

@Zandra123 that's a tough one. When we got back from the vets that day my dh began clearing everything away as he couldn't bare to look at it. I begged him to stop as I weren't ready. Everyone is different but I would probably say to move them if last time he was home ddog was there.

Hope everyone's OK today. Still missing @capabilityfrowns and hope you're ok.

@Memba @Iheartmysmart @ErrolTheDragon @miamiamia869 not heard off you all for a few days Hope you're all ok too x

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Helplessandheartbroke · 02/02/2024 09:38

@Ineedwinenow sorry I missed your post. Why don't you look at a nice memory box? I've been looking at some on etsy I've just not decided what wording to have yet. You've got to do what's right for you x

Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread
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ErrolTheDragon · 02/02/2024 09:39

On the clearing your dog's (or other beloved pets', grief isn't speciesist) belongings - it's a personal thing. My response when my second old boy died was that I needed to get everything cleared away asap. Not thrown away, apart from open food, but out of sight. Whereas the previous dog I was in limbo... didn't want to do that but upset and paralysed by what to do with an open box of Markies. That eased once we'd decided we would be getting another dog at some point

Helplessandheartbroke · 02/02/2024 09:46

@ErrolTheDragon how are you doing? How was your night away?

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Iheartmysmart · 02/02/2024 10:05

Sorry for not catching up with everyone sooner. Where is time going at the moment!

I’m sorry you’ve had to go back to your GP @Helplessandheartbroke I hope the increase in meds helps you. It really wasn’t your fault 💐

I’ve got my boy’s ashes in a box by the window where he used to sunbathe. His favourite toy is still in exactly the same place he left it. I pick it up to vacuum then it goes straight back again.

Had a few tears yesterday. I’m getting rid of my car and had to clean it out. His harness and lead are still in the boot from our last trip to the vet. Can’t bring myself to do anything with them yet.