Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

Ineedwinwnow

She is utterly beautiful. Is she a shih tzu?

I've got this to come again in abut 10
Years with my little odd bi polar man . I wish I didn't . It's scared me . Losing my big bear has made me dread losing little bear .

My little bear . Odd bod . Eccentric. But so loved by me .

She’s a Lhasa Apso, she was 11.5 she never made it to 12, she had so much medication to keep her alive, I think her little body just couldn’t take it anymore, I don’t know how to start tidying my house up so it’s not full of her belongings, she’s everywhere, she was absolutely fine on Tuesday but yesterday she went downhill so quickly, we can’t process how quick she went

@Ineedwinenow it's 5.5 weeks for me and I'm still utterly floored. I've taken today off work to try and sleep as I still can't. @Wantmyangelback I completely resonate with your post. I'm literally torturing myself for all the mistakes I made throughout his life. Instead of being a peace with us giving him a happy life and a loving home, I keep thinking about times I've not walked him long enough or he'd gag himself on his lead because he would pull one way or jump up at people and its our fault for not training him properly. We tried and we paid a dog walker/trainer for 2.5 years. When he was here I didn't think much of these things but not I'm in bits over them. I'm crying now typing out this post. I can't stop the dark thoughts. Should have seen a specialist etc etc.

Hello all. I hope you're all ok today. Sorry to hear that people are struggling, and dealing with so much else on top of grieving for your beloved dogs.

@Ineedwinenow I only lost my boy last week but I found the sight of his things too painful. I literally cleared everything away the night we came home from the vet without him. But that was because so many of his 'things' crates/stair gates/muzzle had such negative associations - we only needed them because his mental health and behaviour deteriorated so much. I need to try to remember the happy boy he was before.

Yesterday our other dog (who Ill call SpottyNose) woke up lame 😒 I didn't think I could face going back to vets so DH took him, and by rotten luck he was seen in the same consulting room wher DDog was pts and SpottyNose just KNEW ddog had been in there, sniffling around where he passed away. To make matters worse, when DH went to pay, the vet said 'ooooh I've got something for you' and handed him ddogs ashes with no warning. DH was in bits when he got home. Very very grateful to him for taking that one for the team 😢

I had the misery of phoning insurers. The young man who took my call was soo insensitive you'd think I was calling my bank. When he said in a bored tone 'so which dog is dead?' I completely lost my shit with him...

It's just so hard. I keep thinking I see him out the corner of my eye and then the wave of grief comes again because he isn't there and he never will be.

its our fault for not training him properly. We tried and we paid a dog walker/trainer for 2.5 years.

Read that as if someone else had written it, @Helplessandheartbroke . You know you'd be telling them to stop beating themselves up, they had tried hard!
Our first dog used to gag himself by pulling, come to think of it- it has never occurred to me since he died, if it had caused him real pain I'm sure he'd have stopped it!

I'm sorry you and your DH had to deal with insensitivity from people who should have known better, @Memba

@Memba I'm so sorry to read your post. It's absolutely agonising isn't it! I'm just getting out of bed (took ds to nursery this morning) because I've not had a good night's sleep for 6 weeks.

@ErrolTheDragon thank you. Good to know its normal I guess. My brother said the same yesterday that his ddog does the same. I've just convinced myself I'm a neglectful horrible person and can't shake it.

We tried a harness with that dog, he hated it - preferred throttling himself!
Yesterday's walk featured an enthusiastic lab taking his owner for a walk, the latter battling to stop the former jumping up at me ... they've been this way for years, and I'm 100% sure that's a loved and well cared for dog!

Also convinced myself if I had just let him sniff everything he wouldn't have pulled so again my fault! I'm literally going through everything in my mind. Not finishing drops, not bathing his paws, walks, food etc instead of all the good times and nice things I did for him and I don't know how to stop

@ErrolTheDragon we had a harness but the dog walker asked us to swap for training. My ddog wouldn't jump at strangers unless they fussed him just people we knew mainly

I've been so impacted by losing my two (five years ago and seven years ago) that I couldn't open this thread. It sounds so so pathetic, but every time something reminds me it reopens their last days for me...

Have currently got incredibly loved (but very annoying) terrier and I often look at her and hope I won't have to make that decision for her too. It is honestly a trauma and I think I have a form of PTSD from having to make those decisions and then carry them out.

Lots of love to everyone struggling. They make such a hole in our hearts, don't they?

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat it doesn't sound pathetic we all deal with things differently. People who have never owned a ddog don't understand the impact. I had a very late miscarriage once and this has effected me more than that did!

.... instead of all the good times and nice things I did for him and I don't know how to stop

Ok so I've got an idea, I don't know if it will help or not so take it or leave it.
Tell us about one of those good times or nice things. First of those that comes into your head even if it's daft maybe.

Camping with him, nice long walks, massages lots more before ds was born x

Oh my, lucky dog!

Just had my friend round for a brew. She's really helped she basically laughed at all my worries and said they were all normal things people do and don't do with dogs. She couldn't understand my guilt well she could but said it wasn't justified
... how are you doing @ErrolTheDragon ? Are you getting some quality time with dh? @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I hope everythings ok with you too...

That's good!

And yes, but I'm working at the moment.

Then I just cried in tesco as the washing tabs are on the pet food Isle! Omg I need to snap out of this!

Do any of you feel your beautiful babies presence? I’m not into wooo but I just hoped her spirit would be still with us but it’s just quiet and empty, I don’t feel her nor can I see or hear her anymore and it’s just breaking my heart even more, she’s gone and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to make my heart heal ☹️💔

Do any of you feel your beautiful babies presence?

Well, no - I'm not remotely into 'woo'. But what I have is so many memories, some shared with DH and DD, and we do talk about our old dogs.

@Ineedwinenow I did. I thought I heard him twice too. A couple of weeks after I drove to the gp and felt him in the car with me and the radio wouldn't come on it was just static... not told anyone that incase they thought I was mad. I also saw a very strange rainbow 3 days after. Prob my subconscious but i like to think he visits and I talk to him often. How are you today?

I’m not doing well, we said goodbye last night at 10:10pm, I’ve not slept and just spent the day in tears, she was with us 24/7 and now I can’t cope with being in our house or office , when does the pain get easier

@Ineedwinenow it hasn't yet for me im afraid. I've cried every day apart from 2 days in almost 6 weeks. I hope you find a way soon because its torture. Did ddog pass on her own accord?