Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

@capabilityfrowns my dad had a shepherd before I was born. Still talks about that dog today. They do have a huge emotional intelligence and fiercely protective. It seems people who have this breed and deeply connected.

As are we all with our babies whatever breed they are.

Hope we are all feeling okay today. Hubby is going to take me out tomorow to try and cheer me up take my mind of loosing my boy. I feel a bit better today then I feel guilty for feeling better. Grief is hard but we will all get through this.

@Helplessandheartbroke sorry to hear you're having a shit day. I hope it has improved a bit this afternoon?!

@miamiamia869 going out tomorrow sounds like a lovely idea. And I completely understand the guilt at feeling a bit better. Sometimes I catch myself laughing at something, then I think 'no, I shouldn't be laughing or smiling at the moment'. But we should, our precious dogs wouldn't want us to be sad.

I am having a heavy day thinking of ddog, for reasons I won't go into. But today has been tough. I'm hopeful for a nice weekend.

@miamiamia869 I hope tomorrow helps cheer you up! Try and enjoy x

@Work2live afraid not. I can't shift my guilt and I'm at my wits end with trying to get help with ds.

How are you x

@Work2live sorry I missed the end of your post. If you want to private message please feel free x

Is anyone on tonight x

I’m here! Happy to listen though bit exhausted and upset so I might only be able to read and send hugs but I am around. Post it anyway - it can help just to get it out of your system. Sorry if you’re having a really bad night.

I’m off to bed soon as absolutely exhausted after today. It suddenly seems to have hit DH very hard recently.

Really sorry to hear your day hasn’t been good @Helplessandheartbroke, I hope you’re able to rest a little over these next few days. It’s such a hard time.

Also if you are still around OP, if it helps cheer you up I’m staying awake so I can sing Bill Nighy’s opening tirade from Love Actually to the tune of Silent Night, at which point he’ll be incredibly drunk. I hope that cheers you up a tiny little bit. Sending hugs anyway.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau it did cheer me up I love that movie!!! How did your check up go?

@Work2live hope you and dh are doing ok. I didn't expect things to still be this raw now.

I keep thinking about his paws and not bathing them and feel soooo guilty noone understands it. Everyone sees him as a very well looked after dog that I loved dearly and this 1 thing shouldn't be bothering me. Honestly... do you both think I should be feeling this way? X

I'm here

Taxing day . Watching sky movies with the little fella

I had a terrible fall yesterday and my big bear would have been all over me

I'm being investigated for MS which with every passing day seems more likely

He'd have been urging me to get up . I couldn't get up ! I've done myself a damage I think - hit my face on a patio chair and really hurt my already buggered knees and wrist .

OK, this is probably going to be super annoying OP but the first thing I’m going to say is “there is no should” or if you prefer “don’t should yourself”. Both mean please don’t judge yourself. You’re feeling crap already and it literally helps nobody for you to blame and judge yourself for things like some harmless cysts, and you don’t deserve it, and I doubt your boy would have wanted it. Would it be helpful for you to mention this anxiety to a GP as well? I know I’ve already mentioned propanolol but there are loads of self-referral services at least in the UK for stuff like anxiety. I hope this isn’t offensive but I really don’t want you to be spiralling without at least help on the way and you’ll be on the wait list which can be LONG.

I know it sounds cliché but nobody is perfect. If you want a fellow guilty animal owner story my beloved horse went absolutely years suffering horrible pain in her hocks and performing awe-inspiring acrobatics (in retrospect, now we know she had very inflamed joints the bucks and rears were probably her going towards a jump with huge pain still thinking YES THIS IS AMAZING FUN) and then afterwards going GOOD LORD THAT HURT. We checked with three to four vets and she never displayed a single sign of pain that was detected by them. When she finally broke down at 9 (young for a horse) I realised I’d been causing an animal which is depending on your perspective equal or more dependent on their carers excruciating pain and she hadn’t been showing it at all and had maintained her trust in me. The inflamed joints were only discovered after death.

@capabilityfrowns really sorry to hear that. Really really sorry, there aren’t better words. If it helps, and @Helplessandheartbroke this answers your question a bit I’m currently so infirm I had to have a rest between the weight and height parts of my physical because I was so out of breath just standing up. I also tapped my thigh softly getting out of the car and knew it would bruise but it was a soft tap and it’s formed into a huge bruise in under an hour with a massive hard lump in it.

Also @capabilityfrowns if your GP does Saturday mornings probably worth a call? If there aren’t medical resources otherwise please do go to A&E because most of them will have a unit next door just to deal with physical injury and you might be able to see a GP quickly?

Thanks - I think I'm ok . My left knee is entirely numb and swollen , my right hurts . I'm taking ibuprofen.

I've got loads of medical appointments coming up.

Tuesday I have musculoskeletal so I'll tell them then Saturday ive an MRI on head and thoracic spine . Hopefully I'll get answers.

I'm so sick of doctors and hospitals I just can't bring myself to go again ! I'm curled up with my
Little fella watching John wick films .

I know the feeling! At the moment I’m probably sick enough I could be admitted and treated if I went but I’m too sick to face the huge wait and shame of someone who needs the bed more being deprived of it. Glad it’s going to be checked.

@Helplessandheartbroke are you feeling a little calmer?

I’ve just found this thread and it would have been such a huge support for me when I lost my girl in May. I still miss her every day but wanted to give hope that it does get easier and it does hurt less to think of them as time passes.
We've got a new puppy now and she is perfect, similar to our last girl but with a whole new personality. She’s helped us move on and I appreciate every single
cuddle with her without her being a replacement.

@capabilityfrowns I'm sorry youve gone through that!!! How are you feeling now?? Do you think my guilt is daft?

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau thank you!!! Again your sharing does make me feel better! I know its irrational but my ocd takes over. How did today go? X

@RudolfsLeftToe thanks for joining and I hope you can take something from the thread still. Glad you've found a new furry friend x

No huge progress on the major hospital treatment (the planned stuff) but some minor progress and no massive crises. A bit downhearted because my mother chose to pull massive rank over the cat sleeping in her bed not mine but I almost feel awkward to mention that on a bereavement thread. Nothing awful happened apart from what should have been a minor tap becoming a massive haematoma.

Thanks @Helplessandheartbroke 100% I will. I can honestly say I’ve not been the same since losing my pup but the raw pain does heal.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau why has your mum done that with the cat? Do you not think you will need to go into hospital now?

@RudolfsLeftToe please tell us about your friend. As you may have read I've been really struggling and helping each other gets us through x

It’s basically because she’s jealous. Our earlier cat preferred her, Velvet prefers her when she can get her partly because she overfeeds Velvet massively but otherwise she was my cat at least straight after the opening month and my mother pretty much sucks up to her (also some other reasons like my mother has a double bed and a fluffy duvet and generates heat whereas I have a narrow single bed and live in a cold converted garage with anorexia). It is definitely something I don’t want to bring onto your thread! But it’s basically a hierarchy and abuse thing - my mother HATED velvet liking me more when she first arrived.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau the point of this thread was for people to share their grief and support one another. You offload whatever and whenever you need to. Have you seen your bf tonight? Can you sneak velvet back into your room x

@capabilityfrowns sorry just read about suspected ms too! My uncle has ms and I know a fair bit about it. Please keep sharing on here and hope you're ok.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau do you need to get the leg checked out? You sound worried about it enough to. Hope youre OK x

Definitely not if she’s sleeping on my mother’s bed, lol, I’ll just keep the faith she’ll be back in the morning. I haven’t seen my bf but he’s been recovering from laryngitis so hasn’t been speaking (singer) and as we’re both off sick we had a long call for the first time in ages. He was sadly unimpressed by my rendition of “fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole” to the tune of Silent Night more recently though. If there’s a way to send sound files on here you are more than welcome to it or your own bespoke version of someone who sounds like a choirboy swearing while singing something absolutely choirboy-esque. Absolutely not his fault but also especially as he’s young I feel like I ought to stay up to make sure he gets home.