Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

OK this is going to sound heartless but maybe trying a bit less judgment? So it’s not a good or bad day, it’s a day when you’ve let some emotions out or managed to vent or processed some memories, or maybe it’s one when you’ve found everything impossible and missing your little friend makes it hurt to breathe or you’ve just had to cuddle SOMETHING toget through one more day or one more hour. All are OK. All will pass but all can feel unbearable while present. Don’t put labels on when you’re struggling.

Youre right but some days are definitely worse than others like Wednesday for me was so raw but today and yesterday have been better. How are you getting on?

I don’t know if this will make you laugh or cry but velvet (who is a GORGEOUS lady, think Kate Moss in the nineties level but she’s a cat and can’t communicate very coherently) has been very lovely today but regrettably smelled incredibly strongly of poop. My blanket and I were just hanging out and chilling then she arrived and then we were both going JFC let’s get the window open why hasn’t she wiped her bottom? Oh my Lord and remember I’ve vomited two times just cleaning her tray.

Glad you’ve had a better couple of days btw. Velvet sends the less stinky hugs. The stinky ones you don’t have to go through thank your LUCKY STARS

That's good. You will find you have more better days as time goes on though obviously there may be ups and downs

My lovely dog died unexpectedly aged two from an accident and it was 18 months ago and I miss her so much

i think I proper cried every day a few times for about 6 months and then every so often for the next year

i miss her so much but now the sadness is not so raw but will never go ( have her mum so helped her be born and raised and I think that was such a strong bond)

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau what a nightmare! Also forgot to tell you, after me telling you not to be up at 4am... ds had me up at 4.20am and that was that... no more sleep for me!

@ErrolTheDragon thank you. It is true though like work2live said there's an element of guilt that comes with having better days... dh said it earlier too that if he's not thought about him for a couple of hours he feels guilty... how are you this evening?

@Pootlepattle I'm so sorry to hear that! It must have been so difficult. At just 2 bless her! How lovely though that you have the memory of helping her come into the world and then helping to raise her ❤

I know this is easier to say than do but tbh if there is any spiritual afterlife a late cat or dog is probably like “mum and dad don’t have to fuss and treat me any more, now they can give everyone in the neighbourhood attention!” In dog heaven that’s probably said with huge enthusiasm as they envisage you walking ten dogs at a time with queues for fuss and roughhousing after with some vicarious enjoyment. In cat heaven it’s probably said with huge superiority and a built in feature of the heaven is automatic praise and borderline deification while meanwhile they’ll only be happy if you strew out Dreamies while intoning a death chant in the name of Tibbles.

@Pootlepattle I’m so sorry, that must’ve been awful to go through. How lovely that you have her mum.

We had a few quiet tears today. Went on a walk we used to go on often with our boy, and one area in particular really got us. He wouldn’t want us not to go on that walk though. We somehow felt quite close to him.

All these firsts @Work2live it's rough isn't it. Hope everyone's had a decent day today. 1 cry for me so it's getting a little easier x

I have been able to look at some photos of DDog today. I found them comforting although it was sad to see how much she'd deteriorated/aged in the last year. We were so lucky to have had her; I'd give everything for one last cuddle if it didn't mean she was in pain or feeling unwell.

I genuinely don't know how I'd have got through the week with DDog2.

We've booked to go out for Sunday lunch tomorrow so that we're not at home thinking "this time last week..." tomorrow.

@BlackBean2023 I really don't know how I'd have got through without my ds. Its so shit and not what you think about when you bring them into your home for the first time. Good idea about Sunday lunch. 4 weeks tomorrow for us. I did a slow cooked beef on the day it happened (already put in in the morning) and my sister and niece asked me to make it tomorrow and I said no at first as not made it since, and was overwhelmed thinking about it but then I had a word with myself that it's only a joint of beef and I'm gonna do it.

I hope tomorrow is a nice day for you with happy memories x

Gosh that all sounds familiar, we put the fire on for the first time today and he loved the fire so that was a bit of a moment. Have also been able to look through photos more easily though.

Keep going. Even a baby step is a step forward. You’re being strong. Hugs.

@Danascully2 you don't realise how much everything in day to day life reminds you of them do you.

How's everyone's day been? My first day with no tears. I've been keeping myself occupied by helping my great aunt its really helped take my mind off how depressed I was and put my energy into something useful x

That's good, @Helplessandheartbroke

OP well done you and I’m glad. It really can be by tiny steps but some day you’ll wake up and realise you’ve got through the worst. Not quickly, not without difficulty but through the worst.

@ErrolTheDragon thank you. How have you been?

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau thank you too. How's everything your end?

Not just you two lovely ladies a few others too but have been real constant support and I'm really enjoying speaking to yous so thank you x

Glad to hear @Helplessandheartbroke - I thought of you earlier.

We had a lovely roast dinner this afternoon.

Had a little cry tonight because I miss her and I'm so sad our adventure is over. It feels like a new chapter - a bit like when a baby is born and you can't remember life without them; I worry I will forget life with her.

I worry I will forget life with her.

You won't.

I'm knackered from attacking the overgrown ivy on one of our fences, @Helplessandheartbroke ! Ive had a soak and now going to do a YouTube yoga session with lots of stretching - I've only started doing it this week but so far I'm enjoying it.

@BlackBean2023 weirdly I thought of you while I was hoovering! Thinking I hoped you enjoyed your carvery! You won't forget life with her you'll just adapt to a new way of life. Hope you're ok this evening x

@ErrolTheDragon yoga! What a lovely and mindful exercise. Great idea! Well done for tackling the ivy in this cold! X

I’m glad people have managed to have good weekends with lots of wholesome activities!

Similar for us this weekend, we saw some family today and went out so didn’t have too much time to dwell after yesterday which was a more emotional day.

@BlackBean2023 I also worry I will forget life with our boy. I’m already finding that I’m thinking of him a bit less now that it doesn’t all feel so raw. It’s like I’m slowly getting used to it just being me and DH again. I hope it just means I’m slowly starting to heal and the grief is getting a tiny bit lighter.

I'm the same! Wednesday was so raw and horrible but Thursday onwards has been easier. its like I hit rock bottom and started to climb back up and feel guilty for it!

Well I've woke today feeling very deflated again. How's everyone else? X

Sorry to hear you're feeling deflated @Helplessandheartbroke. I feel similar today.

I am definitely at a point where I need to keep myself busy. I'm having a quiet day at work and don't have many plans for the rest of the week - think I need to find some stuff to do.