DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

[LostitwithMax]

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

That was more recently. He was only neutered a few weeks ago

I have two dogs and a cat. One dog gets along with the cat beautifully. The other chases her. So we’ve solved it by confining the dogs to downstairs by a stair gate and the cat has free roam. She can choose to go downstairs if she wishes but she has upstairs to escape to if she wants to too. She spends most of her time upstairs where she’s safe.

One of my rescues is also from abroad, you have to remember that a street dog will have hunted all sorts of creatures for food. Mine took a while to stop chasing birds etc. I love cats but wouldn't have one with my rescues even if I suspect they'd not be arsed now they're old.

I got my rescue when I was convinced I wasn't able to have more children after trying for a very long time, anyway she was here a few weeks and I fell pregnant.
So I got her used to a crate and bought a muzzle I've never needed to use but on the off chance, we had one if she ever showed signs of aggression. But I made sure there were areas she wasn't allowed to access, I went for locks on doors (she can open them) as opposed to baby gates because my older DC was forever confused by baby gates.

If the crate, locked rooms, muzzle, training etc don't work then your DP sadly will need to take his cat and go, or you take pooch and leave?

Sad situation for all but keep the cat safe from being terrorised is your priority here.

YABU are you unable to comprehend that the dig is hurting the cat? The dog only being 6 kh means fuck all. One of these times it could kill the cat. You really don't sound like you should have a dog and you certainly shouldn't have that one in tbe same house as a cat.
You say you let it off lead to run, and it chases birds etc. That's not really acceptable either. Maybe pet ownership isn't for you.

Well this is turning into how to ruin relationship 101 with "I would rather lose relationship than a dog I can't get handle of"

Give your cat the whole upstairs. Baby gate the bottom of the stairs, not just your bedroom. Then the cat can come out and observe from on the stairs, and you will have a better chance of training the dog to ignore the cat’s presence. Feed her upstairs. Start in the bedroom or bathroom (where is her litter tray?) and then you can gradually move the food towards the stairs if training is going well.

Unfortunately terriers have a high prey drive. They wouldn’t be a first choice to live with a cat, and I’m sorry the rescue advised you badly. But you are where you are now, and you have to put in some hard yards with the cat’s welfare as the highest priority, over and above the dog. Both for the cat’s sake and your relationship.

Preventing a dog practising behaviour that’s unwanted is the basis of most dog training. You prevent them practising the behaviour, and train them an alternative behaviour (look at me, etc) to substitute.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a dog, or even getting a dog with a cat.

The point you are missing is YOU GOT THE ABSOLUTE WORST TYPE OF DOG TO HAVE WITH A CAT.

Terrier breeds aren't cute and small - they're small, absolutely prey driven, killing machines. They were bred and kept FOR that.

And you moved one in with a CAT.

I don't doubt this was absolute ignorance on your part - but even a little research into what types of dogs live best with cats would have taken THIS dog off the list.

You haven't just been unfair to the cat, you're being hugely unfair to your pup.

Always wanting a dog is great, but you had a responsibility to both animals to get the right type of dog for your household - including the cat.

Instead you got a terrier - who is instinctively driven to chase and kill small animals.

You're irresponsible.

But this doesn't mean you can't have A dog, it's just that this dog may be incompatible to you.
Dogs are meant to enhance your family not make or break them.
Dogs and cats can live harmoniously and often do, but certain breeds find it harder due to prey instincts. Also it has to be trained from the get go, even if they seem okay. You still need to train and fine tune their interactions. Also as a self professed novice at dogs, you may have thought the dog was fine with the cat but missed lots of sign and body language that would suggest otherwise before this behavioural issue (likely that you did).

How big is your home OP? You mention a gate that cuts off kitchen and bedroom, is it a one bed flat? Do you have enough space to give both animals separate areas?

I think this post demonstrates your lack of understanding. The cat can get away, jump the gate, and has trees to escape to. The issue is, why should she have to ? The cat was with your partner for four years, it’s her home, and suddenly she has no peace in it because of the dog, and is being hurt in the process, having lumps of fur pulled out.

You accepted a foreign rescue dog with no idea if it would be compatible with the cat and now you’re wringing your hands and trying to convince yourself the dog’s behaviour is natural. It’s not. And if you don’t do something quick I can tell you that the cat will up and leave and find somewhere else to live. She will go out one day and just not come back. And your partner will rightly blame you. You need to either re-home the dog or engage a good trainer to teach the dog not to chase the cat. Doing nothing is not an option. You sound selfish and entitled.

You can't leave a dog untrained that chases cats.

You need to take the puppy to obedience school for months, until it has learnt to behave and until you have complete control of him.

It is cruel to allow it where it will chase the cat and injure it.

You would have been better off to have chosen an older dog that was trustworthy around cats.
If you can not teach the dog to stop hunting the cat you will need to rehome him. It could take up to two years to re-educate so your other choice is to rehome now.

In the meantime, always have the dog on a lead inside.
Set up an outside caged run or lead.
Take the dog for many walks and do all your homework from the obedience course.

Of all the ignorant, aggressive rubbish that's been written on this thread - that one has to be the best.

It's not a designer crossbreed. It's a street mutt from Spain, probably from a long line of mixed breeds. Even a DNA test won't reveal a majority breed - knowing it's 27% chihuahua, 18% French bulldog, 14% Pomeranian, etc, will offer little clue as to training and behaviour.

Mutts make great pets - often healthier and saner than breeds.

OP, hire a good trainer who can come to your home and get this behaviour under strict control. The cat needs to be safe and feel safe; your teenaged dog needs to learn not to be driven by prey-chase.

That's doable. Prioritise the cat's safety while you train your pup.

It’s not realistic to keep the dog on a lead all the time at home. But Moroccan you expect the poor cat to have to put up with being chased all the time.

The cat was there first so unfortunately I would be exploring the idea of rehoming the dog to a cat free home. It’s no one’s fault.

Baby gates
on a long lead when cat is in the room, treats/clicker etc

Sounds like you’re doing too much with him though and increasing his energy-you state you take him on several 45minute runs a day? At 10 months? That’s too much. 2 trips is enough. Plus some brain games. But I think you also need to teach him how to chill out as it seems like he doesn’t know how to do that-I’d be popping him back in the crate after a walk/training for a nap to calm down.

I really can’t rehome him. If I ever rehomed a pet, I’d never own one again and you can all cheer at the idea of that but as I say, I genuinely planned my whole career around having one. My bad for wanting to rescue and not buy as well I suppose… was trying to do the right thing.

we live in a 2 bed house but the second bedroom is walk in closet size and is my office with just a desk fitting

I cannot believe you would let your relationship fail before rehoming a dog. Jesus what does that say about your relationship?
Just retrain or rehome the dog. If you really think the dog comes first maybe your DP and the poor cat are better off without you.

Why was the dog neutered so late? You got him done a few weeks ago but he's now 10 months?

OP I think people get the impression from your posts that you don’t really like the cat and that’s why you’re getting some of the replies you have had.
I think you do really like the cat and would love for them to be friends with each other if possible.

1 to 1 training sounds like the next thing to try, make sure you tell the potential trainers what you are looking to achieve (with the cat) to make sure it’s something they can help with and look at reviews etc.

I think you need to get to a point where the cat is the boss, you will get there - don’t give up!

What @Azandme said. It is entirely possible you will never train the prey drive out of your dog. The fact that it is “natural” behaviour for the breed doesn’t mean you can just let it continue though! Just as I imagine you wouldn’t have much sympathy for the argument that an off-lead XL bully was just following its fighting dog tendencies if it ripped your dog to pieces in the park. This is the exact same thing. Your dog will kill the cat if it has the chance.

Honestly, I’d move out. This is unfair to both animals, and you don’t seem particularly invested in this relationship.

You obviously love your dog and sound lovely and don't like the thought of rehoming or lead all the time. Imagine a bigger dog was moved in, chased your dog regularly and you could see your dog scared/not relaxed at home. That is how your partner feels about cat.

By all means try, but if the dog can't be trained soon seperating the animals by rehoming or splitting is the only option. Even with dog on lead I am not sure cat could relax unless it somehow learns the dog cant get near.

Why couldn’t you have another pet? Not all rescues work out. It’s nothing to be ashamed of for goodness sake. You are being ridiculous. Your home is just not the right place for this particular dog.

You seem to be ignoring the fact that your dog is going to kill the cat sooner or later. That’s what it’s aiming to do. All this business about the dog being a puppy. . . It’s going to get worse once it’s older, not better. That poor cat!

I’ve had a terrier breed with cats before. He was an Irish rescue…but he was also thick as mince. The cats could go upstairs and escape the dog…cos he couldn’t work out how to do stairs

I feel like this is all a bit of a pile on OP. This is definitely fixable, it you're willing to put in time with a good trainer 1:1 and invest the effort outside of sessions. You do have to see it as your problem to fix though. Surely it's worth it? You and your partner have just bought a house together - is it that there's wider issues other than the cat and dog going on anyway?

Put dog on lead and teach it that it's not allowed the cat. Gradually let off lead. Put back on lead if it chases the cat. Dog must learn not allowed cat.