DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

[LostitwithMax]

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

That's devastating 😢 💔

I have a rescue from abroad and she's the sweetest little thing but I was really lucky. I'm sure the majority of people who rescue from abroad are, however I've heard a few horror stories and I'd not risk it now I've small kiddos.
It was significantly more difficult to stop my pooch from chasing pigeons for the first few months, but she did settle very quickly.
My oldest DC dad has a rescue from abroad also and she's absolutely gorgeous, DStepmum does so much with her and I was going to suggest we'd mind her when they go on holidays, however my oldest DC said that she would be too unsafe around the wee DC. So I do think it's luck, sadly 😥 no matter how much you put into some, the food aggression etc will always be there for these dogs that have survived living on the streets.

You are being unreasonable.

Yes it's perfectly natural behaviour. He's a dog, they're predatory hunting pack animals - and as the owner you have an absolute duty to train him in acceptable behaviour around people and other animals. That doesn't come naturally - it's something you have to stop shrugging over and DO.

At 10 months he's also an adolescent dog. Full of hormones, testing the boundaries, playing up. Only thing is this adolescent has claws and teeth.

Get some decent training classes - not for him, for you.

The poor cat will be traumatised and terrified by this and I'm with your husband.

Would love to fix the issue and keep dog and cat. I genuinely do love the cat. She sleeps on me all night lol

Yeah he's clearly a terrier with a high prey drive that has just kicked in with adolescence which makes him a danger to your cat. This is where this ends up - with a seriously injured cat.

I don't understand your aversion to training leads to be honest. A dog doesn't need to run in the house and when you're actively playing with him surely you can close the door? You basically need to zone the house so the cat doesn't need to navigate the dog to get out, get to their tree or to eat. If that means your dog is essentially shut into one or two rooms then that's what it means, you'll need to then up the brain games and play to keep them happy.

I'd encourage crating for sleep during the day too, have you got a downstairs crate and an upstairs one?

you could also try putting a bell on the cat so you have a warning when they're moving around. But that might end up signalling 'dinner' to the dog.. .

I understand. I would choose the dog over living with your partner. You could still be in relationship with your partner if you both wanted to. Current situation is untenable with both animals so personally I would look to live separately rather than rehoming your dog.

We have done obedience school and classes which really doesn’t address this. People are really assuming I’ve just bought this mixed breed dog that I should know mum and dads breed and just let it live its life with 0 training. As I say, I’ve wanted a dog my whole life and part of that desire is to literally engage in all the training that comes with it

Then the relationship is doomed isn’t it ? Because if you do nothing, either the cat will leave home, or one day the dog will either kill or badly injure it. But hey, sod the welfare of the animals involved, or what your partner wants - it’s all about you.

I don't think you should limit yourself like this - don't think of it as you rehoming him and failing at owning a dog / rescuing a dog. It's not all dogs you're responsible for and this singular dog you've tried to re-home that isn't working out, doesn't mean that no dog will be right for you.

If you need to go down the rehoming route (which from reading the whole thread I personally think would be a good idea) you need to think of it as being the best thing ever for that particular dog, the dog you've adopted has a perfect cat and stress free home out there waiting for him, that you can help him get to by realising perhaps this situation currently isn't the best one for him.

You've likely also got the perfect dog out there waiting to be rehomed by you, potentially a bit older and already cat proofed, that will fit into your life better.

Think about it from the dogs point of view - not yours, what's best for him should be the outcome (imo it would be a new home) not basing your entire life's dream of having a dog on this one unsuitable dog.

It’d more than likely have happened if you’d bought a dog.

Sometimes people luck out and can just throw a cat and puppy together and there’s no issues.

But usually you have to train the dog - even if they don’t chase, dogs and cats have different ways of interacting and a dog being friendly to a cat can stress the cat out.

Stop the dog doing it, get some 1-1 training sessions and chances are it’s completely resolvable.

I agree with posters above who have pointed out that the cat was there first so should be prioritised. Formal training for your dog may work but you really need to put the health of the cat (thinking in terms of stress as much as physical injury) before the dog.
I do find it very odd though that you have made major decisions in terms of buying a house together with your partner, which you would apparently drop as the result of a poor choice over buying another pet. I'd be much more worried about the long term relationship with your partner were I in your position.

Sounds like a terrier of some sort to me, not for the faint hearted. I think I would probably limit the puppies access in the house for now. Stair gate to keep him in the kitchen/ utility if you have one and then the cat has free rein of the living area. Some one to one training for the puppy as well. Does the puppy get plenty of walks/ stimulation? Longer or more frequent walks to tire him out may help. It could well be that they will never live harmoniously.

Adding to my post above, if sucessful retraining with a beahviourist is possible, then obviously that's the best of all worlds. I just wanted to post in support of your not rehoming but also not distressing the poor cat any further.

Your DH is right. You need to have a lead, and I'll explain why, which might help.

Every time your dog chases the cat and the cat runs, it reinforces him that it's fun. Every time you dog chases your cat and catches him, it reinforces him even more to chase the next time. By not preventing the behaviour, he is being given the opportunity to rehearse it. Rehearsal leads to perfection. If you don't break this cycle now, you never will.

So, for a while, you need to have him on a lead any time the cat could appear. Then you ideally need to see the cat before he does. Make sure you have the lead so he can't chase the cat. Use a clicker, click and treat when the cat appears.

The most important thing is your cat's safety. Frankly, a terrier mix of unknown parentage was not ideal for a cat owner.

Honestly it's not that hard to keep a cat and a dog separated if you need to.

We have a very boisterous 18 month old dog, he wouldn't hurt our 4 cats but he would love to play with them. The cats are scared of him so we don't let them mix. They own the upstairs of the house and if they want to be in the living room we just put the dog in the kitchen. We manage it with with 3 children who struggle to remember doors need shut. The cats have their safe space, the dog has his space. Everyone happy and no animals traumatised!

I mean you bought a terrier mix into a house with a cat I’m not sure what you was expected to happen. Terriers are breed for this kinda thing, also ex street dog / puppy so used to having to find its own food or been given food by mum which will have been other dead animals most likely.

The fact the cat still has to take its chances to even eat just shows you’ve still not thought about the effect on the car only on how much you wanted a dog.

I’ve owned dogs and got cats and had both together it’s possible but not very likely with a terrier and a novice owner. Also I hate those abroad rescuers often no help really once homed and honestly it’s just shipping often problem dogs to new countries and they end up in ours rescues again too anyway.

I saw where someone installed a kind of elevated wooden shelf all along the wall of their house for their cat, could you hire a carpenter to do something like that to give the cat an elevated highway in and out of the house?

See, I can't believe anyone would prioritise a boyfriend over a pet you have taken on and promised to look after for the span of its life. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Especially a dog. We're all different.

OP as setyoufree says this is fixable though. Keep them apart when you can't supervise, and otherwise keep the dog under control and train the dog not to chase the feline by distance, distraction/diversion and reward.... arduous but it works. Dogs are a fair bit cleverer than cats and also trainable. You can't rely on a cat to have the nous to stick to safe areas.

Always pick the dog!

OP, I've been in a similar situation, we got a rescue cross breed that the rescue centre said was safe with cats. For the first week it showed little interest in our cat, then it suddenly started to chase her. We booked a behaviourist but before he could even visit us, it chased the cat up a tree and attacked me when I tried to move him away. The dog was absolutely not safe to be around cats and in the end he was taken on by a family member with no pets or kids.
We were also advised that the cat could stay upstairs but I know in my heart that he'd have got her one day, he could jump 5 foot fences let alone a stair gate. The chances of one of the DC leaving a door open was just too high.
Our DC were distraught to see the dog go but
In the end we got a little lhasa apso dog with zero prey drive who absolutely loves the cat and they often sleep snuggled up together. They've been together 15 years.
I hope you find a resolution, it's a horrible situation to be in but IMO you can't train the prey drive out of a terrier.

Poor cat. And I'm not even a cat person.

Like this but all the way along the wall:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hammock-Climbing-Scratching-Activity-Furniture/dp/B0BNQG42FW/ref=asc_df_B0BNQG42FW/

I’ve got 2 rescues, their behaviour changes as they settle in so I think it’s not surprising he’s been ok with the cat until recently. As they get more confident in their new home often some more of the naughty behaviour comes out! I would definitely recommend getting a trainer in for some sessions, you will be able to stop it but if you don’t do it now and leave it will become more ingrained. I would also recommend watching some YouTube videos/getting some training books especially dedicated to the chasing cat problem. I would probably have the puppy in a harness in the house so you can grab him easier once the cat is in view but you definitely need to actively train this. It isn’t enough to just use verbal commands when the cat is near as the pup doesn’t have the impulse control and also everytime he chases will be enforcing the bad behaviour you don’t want. I would start with DP holding the cat on the one side of the baby gate and you have the puppy on the lead on the other side. Start quite far apart, reward dog for ignoring cat and as you have him on a lead he can’t chase even if he wants to. Slowly (over weeks not days) move closer and then eventually have the cat on the ground. Reward the good behaviour, correct the bad but be consistent. Do this for 20 mins every single day and at all other times keep the cat and dog fully separate. It’s temporary and will be hard work but this way the dog learns the rules and in a couple of months you will have a dog who can live happily with the cat. Good luck OP, training can be hard and well done for not just getting rid. With patience and consistency you will get there.

As for always wanting a dog I would love a dog. I don’t have one because I’m not convinced I’d be able to meet its needs properly. Hence I don’t have one. They are living creatures and their needs come over their owners wants.

You got the wrong dog for your household. You did that, because you wanted a dog. Terriers are not good first dogs.

Now the cat, your dp AND the dog all have to suffer because of your wrong choice, and your absolute refusal to rectify it, because you "always wanted a dog".

Have you even considered that you might not the best owner for this dog? That it's actually unfair to the dog too?

They would all be better off if the dog was in a more suitable home with no cats and an experienced owner who understands terriers. A responsible animal owner puts what is best for the animals (both of them) ahead of their own wants.

Rehoming isn't what YOU want, but what about doing what is right for the animals?