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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

474 replies

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 05:56

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

OP posts:
Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:52

(Does sometimes run to the cat trees in the living room as well)

OP posts:
laclochette · 24/10/2023 07:53

Unfortunately, any combining of two animals carries significant risk - including two cats, for example. Training can help with dogs, but it's not a given or a magic bullet. And as we all know, you can't train cats, so even if the dog modifies their behaviour, you can't be sure the cat won't act out. It's probably deeply traumatised now. Cats are highly territorial, so it is extremely challenging to introduce any animal into a home with a cat.

You were (both) very naive to get a dog. Doing so carried a high risk that it or the cat would end up needing to be rehomed, as any decent rescue, good vet, or quick Google would tell you.

Now you have to make a difficult decision because of your poor decision, and two innocent animals will (continue to) be affected whatever happens. Makes me sad and angry. People should be properly screened before being allowed to adopt animals.

MoreOfADogPerson · 24/10/2023 07:53

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:47

He started humping the cat and the nurse suggested neutering (I didn’t want to admit this as I now know neutering young isn’t ideal but I took her advice) and cat did cut his ear but not sure that made it bad as he was already starting to be a bit annoying with the humping but before then, they were fine together

Yeah, adolescence and prey drive are a tough combo. Just be aware that humping isn't always a hormone response or anything to do with sex, it's often a response to stress and can persist post neutering.

My dog will hump pillows and cushions when he's stressed or overstimulated, and he's been neutered for 3 years - that's my cue to get out the snuffle mat, do some scatter feeding, stuff to bring down his adrenaline/cortisol levels.

usernother · 24/10/2023 07:53

@Hibiscrubbed I like cats and dogs. This thread isn't cat centric. The OP has asked a question and is being given suggestions. The cat was there first, that's why most of the replies are in favour of the cat.

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 07:53

Move her food to somewhere she can get to to avoid the dog or move the dog for her to get food. This really is very worrying that you've not made arrangements for this.

Boymum2104 · 24/10/2023 07:54

Both unreasonable. Both adults who agreed to get another pet, maybe not really considering the level of training etc a dog takes & now don't want to face the consequences. The dog either needs rehoming or some serious training asap, but that should be a mutual decision it's not all on you. I don't understand the whole 'his cat' 'my dog' you all live under the same roof surely it's just 'our pets'.

Hexeex · 24/10/2023 07:56

Could it be that the puppy is just playing but is too rough and the cat doesn't like it? (Sorry if you've already answered this)

I have a similar problem but with a second cat and not a dog. But the issue is the same, younger cat chasing older cat relentlessly and older cat gets very scared and stressed by this as he is a rescue. We are having to keep them separate atm and hope that once the kitten is older and more chilled it will stop. So perhaps it's just play and he will grow out of it? Of course you should still continue to work on training with him though.

It's a tough situation especially as it's only just changed and you're now attached to the dog. I hope it works out for you

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:56

Well yes they are our pets but obviously if we split, the dog is mine, the cat is his, I pay my dog insurance/classes/etc. him the cat, etc etc. we aren’t married and only relatively recently moved in together, there is a natural divide there

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 07:57

I've just read the cat humping bit, what! Food still.placed where the dog is. Don't think you are up to pet ownership.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 24/10/2023 07:58

This thread is an appalling example of getting a pet because you want one and not because it’s the best thing for the animals involved - including the one that is already your responsibility. You should absolutely be ashamed of yourself.

You seem to be just shrugging your shoulders and going ‘well, I’ve tried that. ANYWAY it’s natural’. Maybe you should have thought of that BEFORE taking on the responsibility of a dog when you already lived with a cat?
horrible.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 24/10/2023 07:59

Hibiscrubbed · 24/10/2023 07:30

That said, I never trust a ‘cat man’.

Why?

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:59

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 07:57

I've just read the cat humping bit, what! Food still.placed where the dog is. Don't think you are up to pet ownership.

Eh no, you obviously can’t read. The food is literally in the kitchen baby gated from the dog. Why are you so shocked at dog humping? I spoke to the vet about that situation and took their advice

OP posts:
Baconking · 24/10/2023 08:00

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 06:47

I can move cat’s stuff into one room, but that also seems unfair? I DO care about the cat

is putting a dog in time out once he’s started chasing (quicker than me) effective anyway? Happy to try but everything I’ve tried seems to be the issue as it’s always after the chase

If you keep him on a long indoor lead while working on this training you'll be able to stop him before he reaches the cat.
You don't necessarily need to keep him on a lead for life but you need to do so while working on this behaviour

HomeBird43 · 24/10/2023 08:00

i know a family who rescued a dog from abroad. I forget where exactly.

it is a horrible animal. One day they came home to a bloodbath. It had finally got hold of the cat (after months of trying) and ripped it limb from limb. This is not a big strong dog either. It’s pretty small and insipid looking.

My kids aren’t allowed to go for play dates there.

wednamenov · 24/10/2023 08:00

I have a friend who has a terrier rescue. It chases anything that moves. She laughs airily and talks about how it's in its nature and nothing can be done. She and dog used to visit all the time. Then I got cats. I told her she could only visit without dog. I had to listen to how if we just introduce them and give the dog time all would be fine (I.e. subject my cats to terror while we use them as a training tool). The answer was a flat no and she doesn't get invited to visit anymore at all. I can't tell you how MASSIVELY the 'it's in its nature' defence infuriated me when it comes to cats being terrorised and hurt. I am totally with your DP. I think the dog has to go, or you both need to move out. What the cat is being subjected too is cruel.

yogasaurus · 24/10/2023 08:01

The cat was there first. You lose the most recent addition causing the problem.

Original poster
LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 08:01

Maybe I should never have got a dog with a cat but that’s why I opted for a younger rescue and took their judgement on that. However I’ve wanted a dog my whole life and planned my whole career around being able to have one and yes, my relationship would fail before rehoming him. Considering he is all I’ve ever wanted, just like people don’t continue relationships for a whole load of incompatibility reasons

OP posts:
Boymum2104 · 24/10/2023 08:01

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:01

How am i supposed to know his breed? He’s a 6kg, small dog. He came in on his own, no idea on mum

Very alarming to not know your dogs breed (or at least have a rough idea) before even bringing it home! Different breeds need different things.

ittakes2 · 24/10/2023 08:03

If dog was OK before and is not now - why not get an animal behaviouralist to work out why? what changed in the dogs world that might have triggered a change in behavoiur?
Sorry I also agree if the cat was there first than last in first out if a pet needs to go!

Itsokay2020 · 24/10/2023 08:04

I have a rescue dog, but would never dream of introducing a dog (from any background) to a home where there was already a cat. It’s cruel, and stressful, and must be very hard for your DP to witness this. As for your lack of empathy, for the cat and your DP, it doesn’t bode well for a healthy, happy relationship. @LostitwithMax your DP is right, this cannot continue and tough decisions need to be made before this ends in tragedy.

laclochette · 24/10/2023 08:04

@LostitwithMax I get it, you've always wanted a dog and that is a totally reasonable and lovely thing to dream of your whole life. It's a deal-breaker for you. We're all allowed to have deal-breakers. But if your partner has a cat then they aren't the right person for you. You have your answer then. You need to choose your dog over your relationship. It isn't your partner making that choice, though. It's you.

Flamingos89 · 24/10/2023 08:04

You sound like you don’t want to do anything tbh. So why ask mumsnet?

Your poor cat!! It’s not nice having to re home a dog, but it really doesn’t sound like you have an option as the pets cant live together - the cat is in danger and you don’t seem to care much?

The dog would be happier in a cat free household

Maddy70 · 24/10/2023 08:05

Your dog is traumatising the cat if they fantastic live together they need to live apart.

However, you need expert training for the dog. Get a trainer to come to the house

The dug needs to be I'm a separate room from the cat. It doesn't need to be on a lead that's daft but get a stair gate and separate it so it's only in one room until it is over the horrible phase

Whattodo112222 · 24/10/2023 08:06

I'm going to say you're highly unreasonable. The cat was there first. You appear rather blasé about the whole thing. You and the dog should be the ones moving out.

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 08:07

LostitwithMax · 24/10/2023 07:59

Eh no, you obviously can’t read. The food is literally in the kitchen baby gated from the dog. Why are you so shocked at dog humping? I spoke to the vet about that situation and took their advice

Show quote history

The cat is having to negotiate the dog twice a day to get her food. The humping, I'm not shocked by it, but you said there were no issues until recently.

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