DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

[LostitwithMax]

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

You may have some fantasy about having a dog, but you are not a good dog owner and should not have a dog.

OP
It can be done. I have a young rescue dog who would like to chase the cat.

The dog is not allowed upstairs, and we have stair gates positioned so that the cat has safe access to the cat flap outside. The cat is fed on the stairs.
We are rewarding calm behaviour, and are making progress, but our priority is keeping the cat safe.

It will resolve itself when the dog kills the cat. My friend had a small terrier that would kill any cat it could get hold of. She didn't own any cats obviously, but if a cat jumped into her garden the dog would go for it. And it was so fast.

I get where you are coming from OP, my whole life I wanted a dog. I chose my career mainly because it put me in a position that I could have one. It took me a while to earn enough to get a suitable place and afford to own a dog, but I got there in the end.

For me also I am one of those people (strange on mumsnet) who would leave a partner before give up my dog. He not only is my best friend, but having a dog is part of my lifestyle- walks everyday, training classes are my hobby, and he is what I have worked for.

I also think the “rehome it” brigade on mumsnet are a bit gung-ho. They say it as if 1)it isn’t emotionally wrenching for the owner; but 2) as if there’s thousands of lovely homes queuing up and your dog will get another new family. Your dog will be going to kennels, and spend an indeterminate amount of time there. There is a shortage of people looking to adopt in the UK as you have said.

I think both you and your partner need to step back. Him suggesting that the dog needs to go is a total overreaction, but you need to train the dog- at this age it’s probably testing boundaries, combined with a behavioural change due to the neutering.

as others have said, use a house line for now, have a room where the cat isn’t allowed. Keep them separate when one is being fed or has food out. And don’t be afraid to get a behaviourist in to look at their dynamic and your house set up to see if they can come up with some bespoke suggestions.

good luck and ignore the hysterical mumsnet “just give it away” brigade. As you have said, it’s a sentient being that you have responsibility for. You work through these things, don’t just pass the buck

Yes you need a 1-1 behaviourist who will come into your home, if it's a podenco I don't think you've got a hope of training the prey drive out, they are sight hounds. My uncle had a rescue one (lives in Spain) and it would try and kill anything small. They are bred for that and often very mistreated by those who breed and keep them for work/hunting.
My uncle was retired no children, no cats and only walked it on lead or in his friend's fenced paddock. He invested a lot of time and money in training etc, but that dog would never have been suitable to live with a cat.

So many things wrong with this.

You need to go and research what a terrier is, it has a high pray drive, it is literally bred for ratting with is chasing and killing small animals.

Why are you not understanding that it’s not ok for the dog to be attacking and chasing the cat, a cat that was there first? If there’s nothing you can do about it and aren’t willing to put the dog on a lead or pay for a trainer to sort this out then there is simply no option but to rehome it or move out. What is your plan, to just let it continue attacking the cat, because “dogs, eh?” It’s not alright to put your dog’s needs above that of everyone else in the house.

OP your dogs breed is irrelevant. You know he's displaying prey drive now he's starting to mature. That's all that matters. And allowing a dog that has zero recall to be unleashed around 'prey' is irresponsible dog owner behaviour.

Each time you allow your dog to chase your DPs cat you are reinforcing and rewarding his prey drive. So you should keep your dog on a lead while it's around the cat in order to put an immediate stop to the prey chasing. No good getting his attention after the chase, you need to prevent the chase before it happens.

I think you need to take some lessons to learn how to redirect your dogs attention from the prey to you. You may have to find a specialist class.

Examples of redirecting - (with the dog on a short lead) once you see the cat you walk the other way and reward him when he follows, or if you have to pass the cat (with the dog on a short lead) use a squeaky toy to distract him and reward him when he passes the cat without reacting. Get him to immediately fix on you not the cat. No rewards for reacting.

If your dog is chasing the cat and pulling out fur, he's already been allowed to engage in attack behaviours. You need to prevent this behaviour at the moment he sees the cat. If you don't, your DPs cat will live in fear and your dog will eventually kill the cat. The purpose of cat trees, btw, is not for escaping dog attacks.

You're right about one thing OP - prey drive is a natural behaviour. But ultimately dogs with prey drive shouldn't be homed with cats or small furries.

Pack theory has been thoroughly debunked

A bit of a different issues but my dog is a barker. All the time. At everything. I got a little spray thing called “pet corrector” which just sprays a little scoot of air and makes a hiss sound. The dog hates it. When I spray it it breaks his attention immediately from what he’s barking at and I say “no barking”. Within literally 2 days I no longer need to spray, I just say the phrase.
it might be worth a try! And it’s less than a tenner. The cat will probably hate it as well but the dog will learn quickly and it’s better than what the cat is currently dealing with.

For me also I am one of those people (strange on mumsnet) who would leave a partner before give up my dog. He not only is my best friend, but having a dog is part of my lifestyle- walks everyday, training classes are my hobby, and he is what I have worked for.

And OP’s partner obviously feels the same about his cat, on the scene before she was. Why is he not allowed to feel that way, is it only dogs that people can prioritise?

This shows some of the podenco types, of course yours being mix might not have all of the features

Using aversive methods is not good dog training

Try crate training. Every time the dog goes for the cat put him in the crate. He will soon learn to leave the cat alone.

I understand it would prevent the cat chase, but that’s massively then limiting his life

Meanwhile the current behaviour is massively limiting the cat's life as it is hiding all the time!

Employ an expert in dog behaviour and address the issue. Ultimately that may mean either the dog or the cat has to move out.

I've only read the OP posts, but I'm puzzled about why the dog changed after being friendly to the cat. Can you think of anything that changed then OP? Anything that made the cat smell different (ie different flea treatment), different diet or medication?

Based on your replies here I think you're lucky if your DP is letting you make the choice because if this was me I would have left you already. You are letting your dog terrorise and hurt a cat in its own home. I'd have left with my car there first time that happened. It doesn't sound to me like you know what you're doing with a dog, or that the dog is trainable to live with a cat (based on what people have said on the thread). If you genuinely prefer your dog to your DP then crack on, but otherwise I think you need to re-home the dog.

The rescue should have assessed the dog for suitability with cats but now that it's here you have to train it not to chase the cat. Until then I'd get a large puppy pen and absolutely keep it on the lead when out of it, have a reward like pieces of chicken or little bits of cocktail sausages cut up. Every time the dog ignores the cat he gets a reward. It's not the dog's fault so it's worth giving it a really good shot but ultimately the cat was there first and if you really can't manage to train it then it might be kinder all round to return to the rescue.

Get a dog from a dodgy rescue in Spain because you didn't fit the criteria to home a dog in the UK, no idea of its background and expect it to go well. I wouldn't live with that dog either.

That’s not crate training.

If the dog jumps up on strangers or bites them, do you dismiss that as 'natural behaviour' too?

No it's not weird to plan your life around wanting a dog. My dog is now 7, I planned my life around having him. Got a job that meant he wasn't on his own for too long, bought our own home so that we wouldn't even have to worry about whether landlords would allow us to have him. I've dreamt of having a German Shepherd since the age of 8, and I finally got him at 20. I also have a dd who is one, and I still say he was my first baby. It's not weird to love your animal like a family member, in fact they should be loved unconditionally.
What is strange, is that you would choose to end your relationship before rehoming your dog. This suggests to me that your relationship probably isn't the right relationship to be in. If that's a no brainer for you. I love my boy, but I'm under no illusion who my life partner is.

I also do think, that as wonderful as it is to rescue a dog. You should've rescued locally and did some research on breeds that are most compatible with other animals. As other commenters have said if it has any terrier in it, then the prey drive is something you'll never be able to squash.

I want, I want... You sound like a spoilt child. It's not about what you want. It's about the welfare and safety of the animals you've taken responsibility for. Grow up.

its amazing what fantasy people make in their head. How on earth don’t I don’t adopting in the UK? He was adopted from the UK! He just originated in Spain, he was in a UK foster WITH cats. I fit the criteria just fine for adopting from the local dogs trust ffs. WFH, good sized dog proof garden and good location. Baffling

The cat was there first and is now being attacked daily in its own home.. No wonder it hides It's traumatised
You can't put a dog in time out!
The reason it's new a problem in the last month is because the dog is now going into adolescence!
They don't stay sweet fluffy fur balls
I would keep dog on a long lead and make sure they are separated as much as possible so they each have their own space
Exercise the dog as much as possible and call in a dog trainer which might be expensive but as a first time owner of an unknown breed( why would you do this?!) you need to do this
If this doesn't work then you need to move out
Animals will sense the tension in the home as well
Dog owner who gets on with cats