"I've had dogs all my life"

[hitrewind]

Does this ridiculous statement make anyone else want to scream?

Was walking my dog along a country path this morning and came past a guy who started heading over to introduce his dog to mine (his dog straining on the end of the leash, him leaning back to control it, walking directly towards us).

I wasn't in the mood for early-morning chats and don't ascribe to the belief that every dog HAS to meet every other one, so I said "No thanks, not this morning!" and kept walking.

He kept coming, with the classic "It's ok, he's friendly", and I responded "I said no. Not today."

He then descends into a tirade of "if you don't allow them to meet they'll be wary of one another, you're training your dog to be afraid, etc. etc. etc." I told him my dog and I are perfectly fine and to be careful about forcing his dog on other dogs and their owners because it wouldn't always go down well.

To which I get the classic "I've had dogs ALL MY LIFE, I know what I'm doing"

I'm not too bothered about the exchange beforehand – I've had it many times – but that phrase honestly just makes me want to scream.

Ownership does not = understanding. Many people own and badly train their animals for years... the fact of having had them for many years doesn't make you an expert – in fact it actually makes it worse.

Of course for many people, having had dogs for a long time means a long time to learn and develop as owners, but they never seem to be the ones who use it as an argument to support their behaviours!

Anyone else get a real bee in their bonnet about that phrase or am I just a terrible pedant?!

I think ‘no thanks, not this morning’ was rude. You
couldve replaced it with ‘good morning’ and kept walking.

This. I'm afraid I think you were the rude one

Agree, you were very rude.
How can you get worked up about such nonsense?
If you don't want to speak then say sorry your in a rush and move on, why are you giving this anymore headspace

I hate the ‘ he’s only being friendly’. Maybe so, but my dog is a toy breed and yours is a galloping bag of heavy bones. My dog could be hurt by your dog, and you’re not going to pay the vets bill, and my dog doesn’t want to meet your dog.

You sound obnoxious.

I'm with you OP, many people have little to no understanding of dog communication and what they believe is their dog "wanting to play" is actually their dog being quite intimidating to others.

I often can't be bothered with this conversation though, so I say "sorry we're in a rush today" or "my dog is injured"

I have a reactive rescue dog and a very chilled goldie and can honestly say my reactive dog has taught me so much more about dogs than my lovely (but super easy) golden.

I’m with you OP.
You’re entitled to make it perfectly clear what your intention is & how unwelcome his (plus dog) intentions are. He’s a stranger to you, dog or no dog.
If he had approached you without a dog, it could have been scary.
Id have been the same as you & I too have had enough dogs in my life to be unwelcoming if it suits me.

It was said with a smile. I assure you it wasn't rude at all.

I didn't lose the smile until he refused to listen, at which point I was firm.

And I did keep walking as far as I could – except he was letting his dog steer him directly into my path, so we were forced to stop.

Maybe I'm giving it extra headspace because I'm particularly tired of men forcing their wishes on women and then getting angry when they hear a 'no' – but that's a story for a different thread 😉

100% not the point of the thread. But crack on - this is Mumsnet, after all.

I don’t think you were rude OP. It is rude of people to force their dogs on yours with no respect for if your dog and you actually want that!

I hate all this ‘he’s only being friendly’ too. My dogs are well trained and sociable but that doesn’t mean they want to ‘play’ or greet every dog we meet. Most adult dogs are dog selective - they get on with polite dogs/ dogs they know well but they don’t want endless random greetings with incompatible or rude dogs. Only a few dogs (past the puppy stage) truly want to greet every dog they meet. And of course there are many dogs who are dog reactive and don’t want any dogs in their space.
I hate random out of control, over aroused dogs running up to mine while the owner half heartedly shouts ‘it’s ok they are friendly’. Clueless. My dogs are recalled to a lead when needed and don’t need or want random greetings with strange dogs. They have a group of compatible doggy friends who we know well for off lead play.

People like this man have a disregard for dog behaviour and the feelings and needs of others. There are a million reasons why you don’t want to stop and let the dogs interact. This man, like many others, sounds clueless as to dog training (having his dog drag him around) and basic dog behaviour (thinking all dogs want to meet).

Just to be clear, I'm very used to the "he's only being friendly" brigade and actually I have a fair amount of patience for new dog owners on that learning curve. We've all been there.

It's the use of "I've had dogs all my life" as an attempt to assert dominance over me (who's spent years working on farms and training working dogs, but I don't tell them that) that bothers me.

Because all I can think is "well then you should know better!" – but I don't say that because (brace yourself @Tsandjdarethrbest) I don't want to come off as obnoxious as they do.

I don't think you were rude.
I'm of the opinion that dogs should be allowed to socialise when it's convenient for the owner, otherwise they expect to bound up to every other dog without permission.
However I do find that it's mostly new owners that are the most clueless. Using your hated phrase, I've had dogs all my life 😉 (I'm late fifties) that experience does make a difference, but it is the acceptance of knowing you ever know it all and a willingness to learn that matters.

I'm with you OP. I saw exactly this situation recently. A woman rushed up/was towed by her dog to another person with an identical dog (Weimaraner), no caution or thought. The two dogs touched noses and immediately a fight started and the dogs had to be pulled apart.
I think it's rude to assume that you can push your behaviour on someone else and claim that you are supremely right because you've always done it. . The same kind of argument is used for hitting children!

Ive had people block the footpath so their dog can say hello to our dog when I want to carry on with our walk. Sadly I wasnt as confident so it meant we over socialised our dog as a puppy so she was more focused on other people and dogs than us. Lockdown was brilliant for dodging people like this and retraining her.

Also hate people who say their dog is friendly and the ones who encourage your dog to jump up at them and when you correct them they say I don't mind..🙄

Never not ever 🙄

I don't think you sounded rude, op. Why should you have to be apologetic whilst calmly and firmly setting boundaries?

Of course, long-term ownership doesn't necessarily equate to understanding, and that guy shouldn't have pressured the OP or her dog into an encounter. But OTOH as a longstanding owner it is a bit (a lot!) alarming to suddenly be confronted by the sheer number of first time owners who have had no formative experience with dogs.

Plenty of these owners are fine, of course, but some have no 'feel' for dogs and overestimate the knowledge and skills that a brief period of formal learning (classes, books, etc) can give them. Understanding dogs is like understanding people. It seeps into your bones during long years.

I don't think you were rude at all.
Firm and straight to the point, nothing wrong with that.

I think most people are doing their best as dog owners and you are put out because you think you are a superior dog owner to other people. I still think you sound obnoxious in this situation. Sorry!

Having been the owner of a reactive dog I found encounters with other dogs (and owners) a bit of a challenge. When they inevitably said to me 'it's ok he's friendly' I would respond with 'unfortunately mine's not' and walk on. That said I do think your comment would have sounded a bit rude to me, even said with a smile. Equally there was no need for the tirade from him.

@Random789 you're quite right – much of this is a 'feel' thing that develops with time and experience. I don't mean to undermine the value of years of investment of time and energy!

It's just when it's used as a defence for poor behaviour that it really gets my goat – and I've never heard it used by someone who's actually got their dog under control 😂

Those that have it, don't say it – at least in my experience.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

I hate people who think they can stop you mid-dog walk to chat/socialise and get arsey when it’s clear you don’t want to join in.

Next time, maybe add “Fuck off random man”, when he tries to argue with you?

There is zero requirement to keep it polite when someone is being a pest.

In fact reading it again, the other owner was extremely rude. You said no thank you and he refused to accept your polite rebuff. Who cares how long or how many dogs he has owned?? Bring a water pistol from now on, if it happens again, spray him and shout " NO! I SAID NO, NAUGHTY BOY"

OP was direct, not rude. It's a virtue.

Who in their right mind would say ‘fuck off random man’ in this situation? Some of you people are weird.