"I've had dogs all my life"

[hitrewind]

Does this ridiculous statement make anyone else want to scream?

Was walking my dog along a country path this morning and came past a guy who started heading over to introduce his dog to mine (his dog straining on the end of the leash, him leaning back to control it, walking directly towards us).

I wasn't in the mood for early-morning chats and don't ascribe to the belief that every dog HAS to meet every other one, so I said "No thanks, not this morning!" and kept walking.

He kept coming, with the classic "It's ok, he's friendly", and I responded "I said no. Not today."

He then descends into a tirade of "if you don't allow them to meet they'll be wary of one another, you're training your dog to be afraid, etc. etc. etc." I told him my dog and I are perfectly fine and to be careful about forcing his dog on other dogs and their owners because it wouldn't always go down well.

To which I get the classic "I've had dogs ALL MY LIFE, I know what I'm doing"

I'm not too bothered about the exchange beforehand – I've had it many times – but that phrase honestly just makes me want to scream.

Ownership does not = understanding. Many people own and badly train their animals for years... the fact of having had them for many years doesn't make you an expert – in fact it actually makes it worse.

Of course for many people, having had dogs for a long time means a long time to learn and develop as owners, but they never seem to be the ones who use it as an argument to support their behaviours!

Anyone else get a real bee in their bonnet about that phrase or am I just a terrible pedant?!

Agree with you OP. It's the same with other animal owners, too.

None of us know what someone else's life is like. I can remember being in the middle of grief and having to walk my young dogs. As the weeks/ months went on I'd occasionally pluck up the courage to make friendly dog chat to owners. Your response would have really hurt me, it really really wasn't necessary. You could have just smiled, said a couple of pleasant words and been on your way.
The world is becoming colder

Your response would have really hurt me, it really really wasn't necessary. You could have just smiled, said a couple of pleasant words and been on your way

Smiled (as I did), said a couple of pleasant words ("Not today thanks", as I did) and been on my way (over the top of his dog)?

I think a lot comes from a the information now about the importance of “socialising” your dog.
years ago you took your dog out and about with you and it would learn to be comfortable in your life situations. Now well meaning owners seem to think this means hauling their dog all over the place to meet every dog they pass and take their dogs into overwhelming situations
i tend to find nice well mannered people have nice well mannered dogs. The sort of dog who barrels over to you to say hello unfortunately is also likely to have an owner who tells you to F off when you ask them to call it back- which is why the dog never learns

I cannot believe the number of posters that are trying to turn this around on you!

You acted perfectly reasonably in the circumstances and have no obligation to random man that cannot take no for an answer.

I totally agree OP it drives me crazy.

We have worked dogs for years within the family. I have been spending months with our typically bonkers spaniel training him to move to the side and sit, allowing runners, pushchairs etc to pass and I do the same with other dogs I don't know.

I'd be well pissed off with it too!!!

I think you sounded very rude; it's just unnecessary. I'm shocked by the people who think it's OK to speak to others like this. You can be polite and just walk on.

Also, as PP said, I do think owning dogs for a long time gives you more of a feel for their behaviour; far more than taking training classes etc.

@OldWivesTale what would you prefer me to have said, more politely than a smiley "No thanks, not this morning" (implying maybe another day, but not now)?

Genuinely interested.

You are right, experience and competence are different things. Similar irritating statements include 'I've been doing this job for thirty years' "I've been driving since I was seventeen' and "I've brought up four children'.

You weren’t rude in any way. ‘No thanks, not this morning’ sets a clear boundary- you don’t also owe apologies or smiles (although you did smile) to someone who doesn’t respect what you say. Not quite the same thing but I’m a non-dog owner who doesn’t want to be approached/bothered by strangers’ dogs in public spaces, however ‘friendly’ said dogs may be. I’d say something similar to you, or ‘Keep it away please’ without feeling the need for embellishment.

There aren’t many ways to say ‘fuck off’ and I think you found quite a polite way! I usually just change paths where possible, but you’re absolutely in your right to tell someone no, especially when their dog looks like trouble.

In no dog training does it say dogs need to ‘meet each other’ or it'll make them wary. What a load of tosh. In fact, the most common course of action I have heard is a three second rule with between new dogs, and even then, it is only on the command of the owner. The other owner shouldn’t just force himself and his dog upon someone else. YANBU

You could have been having a crisis at home which meant you personally couldn't deal with adult interaction, your dog could have been getting over an illness or injury which meant you just wanted to have an uninterrupted walk, you could have been running late which meant no stops today - this guy was very entitled and he is the AH in this scenario.

You weren't rude at all OP. I hate random people wanting to introduce their dogs to mine. Often dog walking I my only quiet time in the day and I just want my own headspace.

Also, one of my DDogs can be a bit random - we got her as a rescue at 10 months so she's had some experiences that we know nothing about. She's friendly 99% of the time but will occasionally take a dislike to another dog for no apparent reason and then do a really over dramatic snapping and growling thing - no biting but it sounds awful. People then go off in a huff when they were the one bringing their dog into her space in the first place.

I didn't even mean it as a "fuck off" – I genuinely meant "Not this morning". I wasn't annoyed in the slightest about the initial approach.

Many mornings I'm quite happy to linger a little while and let the dogs interact if appropriate – my old boy is actually really good with boisterous young'uns. He's calm and sets his own boundaries (usually hilariously with a paw on top of their heads!)

It was just a bit too early today and I've had a rough week with some bad family news.

Had the man respected what I'd said and we'd seen each other again tomorrow, I'd have made the effort. Unfortunately after today, that's now unlikely.

😅. This is my favourite response.

And you weren’t rude at all OP. He was an entitled idiot. Can you imagine him doing the same to another man? I don’t think so. He saw you and your dog as amusement for him and his dog and felt entitled to that interaction.

IMO the “I’ve had dogs all my life” and mansplaining dog behaviour is all part and parcel of this. The attitude of superiority - how dare you question his authority!

You sound charming ..., not

What on earth is rude about 'no thanks, not this morning'?

Pot, kettle... charming? 😉

OP you did very well to assertively state your wishes in this situation. And you are right about men's behaviour.

I wonder whether he would have responded in the same way had it been a man saying "No thanks. Not this morning."

Nothing rude about your response OP.

This.

OP I agree you were being firm not rude. He was choosing not to listen and being a bit of an arse.

Not everyone wants human interaction all the time.

Can you expand?

I’m with you OP
infuriates me how many people can barely control their dogs, I had ‘oh sorry we have to say hello’ as said dog hauled their owner over towards my dog! It pisses me off my dog is politely walking along and doesn’t want some great big bouncy dog jumping all over her she’s only little.

i don’t think you were rude op and I wish people would listen when you say no. Rather than try and explain how they somehow know better than you how you’re dog will react

I actually think that SOME (not all) chatty extrovert types think the world should pause and stop to chat with them. Often this actually equates to the extrovert talking to or at the other person and isn't a conversation at all.

Any resistance to this behaviour is considered rude

I think this is an excellent acid test which can be used in so many of life's situations.