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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

I've fucked up MASSIVELY :-(

130 replies

dogsfrogslogs · 26/01/2022 12:50

It's my own fault, I can't turn the clock back and I'm in tears. I really need advice please, I am so sensitive and I know I deserve abuse and anger but believe me, I am beating myself up and nothing else said can hurt me any more than I am hurting myself right now.

Ddog is too attached to me and now won't be walked by anyone else, he runs back to the house once he has been released from his lead.

My daughter is saying she feels lonely overnight because the dog sleeps in our bedroom (me & DH) which obviously is not ok and makes me the worst parent Sad

A change in circumstances means we can't afford a dogwalker, friends let me down and my health is failing me, my DH is recovering from surgery so unable to help walk Ddog.

With massive regret, I have prioritised the dog over my daughter which I should not have done. We had a house fire once and from that moment I knew we all needed to be on the same floor, together, with DD.

I need a plan of action and some wise words please from some knowledgeable folk. I need to get the dog to start sleeping elsewhere and I need him to get used to walking with someone else.....

I know I am the worst person. Today is a bad day SadHe is a rescue that was crated for 12hrs a day so crate isn't an option. He barks if left for more than 4/5 mins when we get into bed at night.

Thankyou for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/01/2022 12:53

You aren’t the worst person at all!!
Have a look at dog training advice and support on FB. I would treat this as a form of separation anxiety. So the flitting game is a good place to start.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 26/01/2022 12:54

You haven't fucked up but you do need help from an accredited behaviourist who can come and with your family.

Internet advice, while we'll meaning, could make things worse. You need someone to come and see the behaviours in person and to help correct your behaviour at the time.

If you get referred via your vet you should be able to claim some of the cost back via your insurance.

Wolfiefan · 26/01/2022 12:56

That site is run by behaviourists.

Ilikewinter · 26/01/2022 13:05

Please don't beat yourself up, sounds like you have rescue dog with massive separation anxiety. I agree with the facebook group, its run by behaviourists and its not a site for joe public to message on.
We have a 9 month old puppy and hes attached to DH as he WFH, when we realised he was a velcro dog DH started leaving the room for a few seconds then coming back, pup would follow but eventually realised he wasnt missing out on anything..then DH started going out into the garden closing the door and i would play with pup and built the time up. At night we kicked him out of the bedroom and put a stairgate up at our door way, pup sleeps on the otherside but will now often go back downstairs into the kitchen.
Its hardwork but it can be sorted over time.

Georgeskitchen · 26/01/2022 13:12

Stop thinking you've f*Ed up massively!! You haven't killed anyone!! You just need a behaviour trainer for your dog to address his issues. Involve DD in his training and then maybe he could sleep with her in her bedroom?
Good luck with everything xx

thumbtom · 26/01/2022 13:16

I don't think you've messed up massively at all here. Maybe you could think about getting your daughter a cat to sleep in her room?!

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 26/01/2022 13:16

How old is your DD? The reality is even if the dog was the most well adjusted in the world, it may still choose to sleep in your room. That’s just how it is. Rather than beat yourself up could you instead explain to your daughter that the dog has a choice of where to sleep and it’s really important he feels secure overnight so everyone can get enough sleep? Then spend daytimes working on separation anxiety. There are lots of good reasons for dogs not to sleep overnight with children anyway - for one ours often needs to go to the loo and there’s no way either kid would wake up to take her out!

bunnygeek · 26/01/2022 13:19

As others have said, there's nothing massive here even if it does feel like it right now.

Try and speak to a good registered behaviourist, your vet may be able to refer you. In the meantime, you and your daughter can work with the pup to help "unstick" him a bit, and get him to have lots of positive association with your daughter - such as her doing little tasks that you would usually do like feeding, always positive and rewarding the pup for going to your daughter and interacting with your daughter instead of you.

picklemewalnuts · 26/01/2022 13:20

You really haven't! You've started a journey with a dog that will take a life time and involve many different stages.

Help your dd understand that every relationship is unique- both people and dogs have different relationships with each other. It's ok for a baby to need mum most in the first few months. Find ways of showing her that the dog loves her too- maybe he licks her, or looks at her, or plays fetch with her.

Who feeds him? Trains him? Could she get involved with that?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 26/01/2022 13:20

Also, dogs are sensitive creatures. If he senses your anxiety that will feed his. Look after yourself first and that’s likely to have a positive effect on him too.

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2022 13:25

Do you overreact like this to every small mistake?
You haven’t done anything terrible at all and dogs (like kids) don’t come with a manual so we all just do our best - although you can get outside help if needed
The dog not sleeping with your DD is a small thing and doesn’t make you “the worst parent” (dramatic much?)
You have identified the issues and are committed to work on them, which actually suggests you are a good dog owner.
Chill out or you will pass on your anxiety to the dog

nitsandwormsdodger · 26/01/2022 13:26

You deserve abuse and anger ???
Fucked up massively!!!??

There is a website for people who want to walk a dog but can’t own one
It’s called share my doggy or something
Advertising on. Local whatapp for a volunteer or cheap teen to walk the dog ( please don’t use any intense self hatred language )

Suzi888 · 26/01/2022 13:29

“My daughter is saying she feels lonely overnight because the dog sleeps in our bedroom (me & DH) which obviously is not ok and makes me the worst parent sad”Confused What?
A hell of a lot of dogs sleep on owner’s beds.

Can’t you and your daughter take the dog for a walk?

nitsandwormsdodger · 26/01/2022 13:29

The website is called borrow my doggy

Tal45 · 26/01/2022 13:29

Get people to take him out for walks and keep him on the lead the whole time. That way he will see that he isn't being taken away and will be going home again after the walk.

solbunny · 26/01/2022 13:31

I don't have any advice for you regarding your dog but I just wanted to say, I had to read this post through several times as I was sure I must be missing something.

Unless I really, really am missing something, it sounds like you're massively beating yourself up over something that is not remotely a big deal. I just wanted to urge you to be kinder to yourself!! X

Fcuk38 · 26/01/2022 13:31

I’d forget your daughters commmets tbh about where the dog sleeps. My dog sleeps
With me and every night a kid wants to sleep in my room because of the dog. I suspect this is more about your child wanting to sleep with the dog more than anything.

Regarding walking if you are able to still get out for a walk your need to get your husband to come with you and slowly introduce the lead to your husband. Hopefully in time the dog will take to your husband and allow him to walk him too.

TurdCrapley · 26/01/2022 13:35

Jesus Christ, I clicked on this thinking it would be a thread about you hitting your dog. You're being quite over dramatic which isn't helping the situation.

If you can't afford a dog walker then I figure you can't afford a behaviourist but that is what you need. Why can't your daughter come sleep in your room if the dog is in there? Surely the dog is on the floor?

Severntrent · 26/01/2022 13:36

There are things you can do to sort this out that people have suggested above, to help get him used to other people.
But your reaction is a bit extreme. What would you say to someone who needed to get their dog used to other people? Not that they are the worse person in the world. Have you got someone to chat this through with a get a bit of perspective? Sometimes things go a bit wrong, but that's ok. We can sort them out. In a few months this probably won't even be an issue.

PrincessNikla · 26/01/2022 13:37

@Wolfiefan

That site is run by behaviourists.
what do you mean?
Nancydrawn · 26/01/2022 13:39

OP, I'm more worried for you than about this situation. This situation is really not a big deal--you can get a trainer to help with the walking stuff, and the dog is probably going to continue to sleep with you, which is fine.

But saying you deserve anger and abuse, saying you wish you could turn the clock back, being in tears, hurting yourself (I assume emotionally)?

That's a huge and extreme reaction to what is a very fixable problem. I'd very much suggest that you see if you can find someone to talk with. Life is overwhelming right now, and there are professionals who can help.

PrincessNikla · 26/01/2022 13:39

sorry - thought you meant this site!

With massive regret, I have prioritised the dog over my daughter which I should not have done. We had a house fire once and from that moment I knew we all needed to be on the same floor, together, with DD.

what is the link between prioritising the dog and the house fire?

Nancydrawn · 26/01/2022 13:40

And if you can't afford a trainer or a behaviourist, you can read up on ways to help your dog feel comfortable around more people. I'm not an expert there. But I'm concerned about how unhappy this has made you.

Wolfiefan · 26/01/2022 13:42

@PrincessNikla the FB group is.

PollyRoulllson · 26/01/2022 13:43

@Wolfiefan

That site is run by behaviourists.
They are not all qualifed behaviourists Wolfiefan.......