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The doghouse

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Original poster

I've fucked up MASSIVELY :-(

130 replies

dogsfrogslogs · 26/01/2022 12:50

It's my own fault, I can't turn the clock back and I'm in tears. I really need advice please, I am so sensitive and I know I deserve abuse and anger but believe me, I am beating myself up and nothing else said can hurt me any more than I am hurting myself right now.

Ddog is too attached to me and now won't be walked by anyone else, he runs back to the house once he has been released from his lead.

My daughter is saying she feels lonely overnight because the dog sleeps in our bedroom (me & DH) which obviously is not ok and makes me the worst parent Sad

A change in circumstances means we can't afford a dogwalker, friends let me down and my health is failing me, my DH is recovering from surgery so unable to help walk Ddog.

With massive regret, I have prioritised the dog over my daughter which I should not have done. We had a house fire once and from that moment I knew we all needed to be on the same floor, together, with DD.

I need a plan of action and some wise words please from some knowledgeable folk. I need to get the dog to start sleeping elsewhere and I need him to get used to walking with someone else.....

I know I am the worst person. Today is a bad day SadHe is a rescue that was crated for 12hrs a day so crate isn't an option. He barks if left for more than 4/5 mins when we get into bed at night.

Thankyou for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 26/01/2022 14:21

borrowmydoggy.com that should be.

PineappleTart · 26/01/2022 14:22

Kindly OP, your DD is safer with the dog not sleeping with her. Any dog can snap even when it could be happily snuggled asleep

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 26/01/2022 14:26

Firstly you need to calm down and, in the nicest possible way, stop the dramatics.
So all this is about the fact that your daughter feels lonely because the dog sleeps with you in your bedroom?
Dogs sleeping in their owners bedrooms isn’t uncommon. However if you want to stop it happening then the best thing to do is to work with a behaviouralist.

crazyjinglist · 26/01/2022 14:27

Sorry OP, but the only thing that's 'massive' here is your overreaction. You have a clingy dog. Get a behaviourist. I honestly don't understand why you think you've prioritised the dog over your dd or what any of this has to do with a house fire. Are you normally a very anxious person, or is there something more to this?

3WildOnes · 26/01/2022 14:30

I don’t think I am quite understanding the OP. My dog sleeps with me, isn’t that keen on being walked by other people etc. I don’t really see it as a problem. He is most bonded to me because I spend the most time with him, that’s just life.

Applebrewsterstea · 26/01/2022 14:31

We were wondering about getting a baby monitor so our dog can hear us in our room but since we’ve let him sleep on the sofa he’s been ok. Didn’t really want a dog on sofa but it’s old and he’s very good and doesn’t get on the second sofa at all.

CountessDracula · 26/01/2022 14:31

Read a book called Be Right Back by Julia Naismith, your dog has hyper attachment and this will help you deal with it. Good luck!

Blanketpolicy · 26/01/2022 14:32

I need to get the dog to start sleeping elsewhere and I need him to get used to walking with someone else.....

Sounds like you are having a hard time and are overwhelmed by what would otherwise be two simple issues.

The dog doesn't need to sleep elsewhere just because your dd is lonely. Even if the dog was sleeping in the kitchen she would still be lonely. The dog is not the issue here.

If someone else is walking him they can keep him on a lead or a long line so he doesn't run off until he becomes more accustomed to another person walking him.

Lovemusic33 · 26/01/2022 14:33

You haven’t fucked up. Things will get easier and the dog will get used to being walked by other people. If the dog is too attached to you then you need to start getting your dd and dh to take over more of the care, get them to feed the dog, walk the dog and play with the dog more. I dog usually clings to the person that gives them the most attention and food.

There are charities that match dog walkers with dogs when people are too unwell to walk them, I think it’s called the cinnamon trust? There’s also borrow my dog?

retroeverything · 26/01/2022 14:33

I suggest you revisit your idea of what a massive fuck up is

I would love to have your problems

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 26/01/2022 14:35

This is so weirdly extreme that it reads as if you’re deliberately overstating how badly you’ve fucked up and how you are the worst, so that everyone will be prompted to comfort and reassure you. That kind of drama-seeking centres you and isn’t going to help sort things out for your dog or your daughter.

Same with slipping in a mention that your friends have “let you down”, actually.

It all sounds a bit off/manipulative somehow

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2022 14:35

My daughter is saying she feels lonely overnight because the dog sleeps in our bedroom (me & DH) which obviously is not ok and makes me the worst parent sad

Is all this self hatred based on this single comment @dogsfrogslogs? Does she mean she wants DDog with her or she can't cosleep with you because of DDog? How old is DD? Kindly, and gently, you seem to have blown this all out of proportion if this is one comment.

Is it just at night she's saying she feels lonely?

sadpapercourtesan · 26/01/2022 14:36

@DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice

This is so weirdly extreme that it reads as if you’re deliberately overstating how badly you’ve fucked up and how you are the worst, so that everyone will be prompted to comfort and reassure you. That kind of drama-seeking centres you and isn’t going to help sort things out for your dog or your daughter.

Same with slipping in a mention that your friends have “let you down”, actually.

It all sounds a bit off/manipulative somehow

Yeah, this. Was trying to work out how to word it.
3WildOnes · 26/01/2022 14:37

Agree with @DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice

Glitterygreen · 26/01/2022 14:39

Jeez OP, you've just got a clingy dog!!

My sister had a nervous rescue and she took her to training and also sent her to a puppy group (though you can do this with adult dogs too) to get her used to socialising away from her. There is loads you can do if you want to teach your dog to engage with others.

Also it's ridiculous to say you're prioritising your dog because your daughter feels lonely that it sleeps with you :-/ That's something you need to sort out with her, not the dog. Dogs can sleep where they like in many houses, she shouldn't be feeling competition with it Hmm

Itsalmostanaccessory · 26/01/2022 14:42

What is with all the angst?

You have a doy who sleeps in your room. So what? How is that affecting your parenting. Honestly, if your kid is so upset because the dog sleeps in your room then the problem isnt the dog... it's your kid. Dont they understand that a dog is not a person and does not get their own room? And dont they understand that a rescue needs more security sometimes? How old is your child?

Honestly OP, I'd be talking to your child about how they are behaving in an unreasonable way. She has her own room. The dog does not. The dog just needs a place to sleep where it feels safe. That's all.

And the walking? Again, so what? If you're happy to talk the dog then that's fine. If you're not then you may need to look into a behaviourist to help sort that but it really really isnt a big deal.

Seriously, I dont understand at all what you are upset about.

HikingforScenery · 26/01/2022 14:43

OMG, this is about a dog?
Please give yourself a break. You seem to be struggling so I’m sending you positive vibes for things to get better. Look after yourself.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 26/01/2022 14:44

@DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice

This is so weirdly extreme that it reads as if you’re deliberately overstating how badly you’ve fucked up and how you are the worst, so that everyone will be prompted to comfort and reassure you. That kind of drama-seeking centres you and isn’t going to help sort things out for your dog or your daughter.

Same with slipping in a mention that your friends have “let you down”, actually.

It all sounds a bit off/manipulative somehow

And also this. That's the feeling I was having reading your post, all written very clearly but a very insightful poster!
BitterPeach · 26/01/2022 14:46

As others have said I think you're being way too harsh on yourself. A lot of dogs have separation issues and its not surprising given his history.

My dog sleeps in my room and although DSD would prefer her to sleep with her its obviously not an option.

I would also recommend the group 'Dog Training Advice and Support' on Facebook and you should probably look into sessions with a behaviourist but this is unlikely to be resolved overnight.

Is your dog ok being left at home while your out? We used the book 'Separation Anxiety in Dogs - Next Generation Treatment Protocols and Practices' which helped with our dog who would howl when left alone so I'm sure you could use it to help with being in different rooms to you if that's what you'd like. It takes a number of weeks and consistency but it did work for us.

Cherrybomb197 · 26/01/2022 14:47

There is absolutely nothing in your post that indicates that you are a terrible person. Or even a slightly bad one.

Our dog sleeps in our bedroom too btw.

But I am wondering if you are suffering depression?

HikingforScenery · 26/01/2022 14:51

I’ve just noticed that you’ve written about hurting yourself. Please seek help.

nanbread · 26/01/2022 14:52

With massive regret, I have prioritised the dog over my daughter which I should not have done.

What do you mean by this?

Echobelly · 26/01/2022 14:53

God, from first post I thought OP was going to say they'd bought a dog and now they couldn't keep it or something like that, I'm very glad it sounds like a remediable situation really! Keep calm and carry on OP, it'll be OK with some help.

PoshPyjamas · 26/01/2022 14:54

This is so weirdly extreme that it reads as if you’re deliberately overstating how badly you’ve fucked up and how you are the worst, so that everyone will be prompted to comfort and reassure you

This

Schmoozer · 26/01/2022 14:55

Eh ? Sounds like you’ve tried hard in difficult circumstances-
Doesn’t sound like a massive fuck up to me ??