I've fucked up MASSIVELY :-(

[dogsfrogslogs]

It's my own fault, I can't turn the clock back and I'm in tears. I really need advice please, I am so sensitive and I know I deserve abuse and anger but believe me, I am beating myself up and nothing else said can hurt me any more than I am hurting myself right now.

Ddog is too attached to me and now won't be walked by anyone else, he runs back to the house once he has been released from his lead.

My daughter is saying she feels lonely overnight because the dog sleeps in our bedroom (me & DH) which obviously is not ok and makes me the worst parent

A change in circumstances means we can't afford a dogwalker, friends let me down and my health is failing me, my DH is recovering from surgery so unable to help walk Ddog.

With massive regret, I have prioritised the dog over my daughter which I should not have done. We had a house fire once and from that moment I knew we all needed to be on the same floor, together, with DD.

I need a plan of action and some wise words please from some knowledgeable folk. I need to get the dog to start sleeping elsewhere and I need him to get used to walking with someone else.....

I know I am the worst person. Today is a bad day He is a rescue that was crated for 12hrs a day so crate isn't an option. He barks if left for more than 4/5 mins when we get into bed at night.

Thankyou for reading if you got this far.

You just need to explain to her calmly that the dog doesn’t have its own room that’s why it sleeps in with you and that he would bark if he was in his own and keep everyone awake. You don’t need to say anything more and you shouldn’t. If you make this a big thing your anxiety will feed her anxiety. You fixating on this is what is likely to cause her issues not the dog sleeping in your bed.

@dogsfrogslogs I amwriting this as a fellow dog owner but a fellow fifteen year trying mum.....

What everyone has said is correct. It's fine.

I thought about it the other way, what if she was crying saying dog was alone. There comes a point, whether we like it or not we stand by the decisions we make for our family.

Kids say all kinds of wonderful stuff and all kinds of nonsense. If she's boundary testing, which she may well be, now perhaps may be the time to stand firm. Think ahead, at 13, all my friends are drinking and I feel sad. You are the parent, you have made a decision based on your family. Tell her to join you if she wants, extra cuddles. Please don't worry, you are doing great.

She's unquestionably a very loved little girl @dogsfrogslogs, her feeling lonely / jealous doesn't mean she doubts that.
At 8 she is old enough to understand that Dog didn't have a very nice Mom and Dad previously and now he's very scared. He feels safe with you because you're the one who was kind to him and who he trusts, just like she is safe with you but you absolutely love her the most of all of every one ever.

Can she still come into your bed? Does DDog get upset if she gets in? Did she used to get in? Does she just need reassuring that she still can?

Could she have her own (toy) dog to keep in her bed? I think 8 yo and cuddly toys etc varies alot between kids so she might think she's too old

I don't know much about dogs but I'm not sure a rescue with trauma should be sharing a room with a child anyway, especially if the dog is forced into it / would maybe not feel safe there.

But I acknowledge what you're saying about your daughter feeling separate.

How else could you tacjle this? Could you or your partner have sleepovers with your DD, set up a bed on the floor or something?

My daughter is under the neurologist for significant sleeping issues (since birth), we have to follow a really strict programme for her provided by her neurologist. I've spoken to the clinic and they've advised that we don't change the routine.

I'm not able to sleep on the floor with her due to my mobility (my bones painfully' lock') and DH can't atm because of his recovering from surgery. (Torso) The dog has never slept in her room. We wouldn't allow it.

For my own piece of mind as a mum trying to meet her emotional needs, I have also asked DD if she wants to come in with us and initially she does but then gets too fidgety so returns to her room. (Within minutes)

The fire made me instantly realise that we all needed to be on one level for ease to get out should it ever happen again.

Sorry if I've not responded to all questions; I'm being pulled in every direction and fell apart last night just looking at DD's homework, only to then have to help DH with job applications until midnight. I have some nice activities planned for DD this weekend 💕