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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Husband does not want to take in my dogs.

158 replies

HelloKat · 29/10/2021 22:53

I have two yappy small dogs whom my parents helped looked after for 3 years while i was renting in the city. During those years, my bf and I got married and we're just about to buy a house together. I want to bring my dogs with us to our new home but he is completely against it and is insisting that my parents should continue looking after them. He always knew the dogs were mine and we have often lived with them but as our accommodation for most of the 3 years didnt allow pets, he never had an issue. My husband is threatening to leave me if I bring my dogs with us to our new home. He says that I'm picking them over our relationship and that I should just put them up to adoption. My problem is that I love my dogs and I cant bare the thought of putting them up for adoption and my parent can no longer help look after them. Please help. Really need advice.

OP posts:

whereisthekey · 29/10/2021 22:56

if he would leave you over this then he's not really Into the marriage I wouldn't be buying a house with him and keep things as simple to break up as possible. get your own place with your dogs and meet someone decent.

dustofneptune · 29/10/2021 22:58

Did you have a discussion before you got married about the dogs eventually living with you? Were you on the same page and now he's saying he doesn't want them living with you both?

Or was he under the impression you would never be living with your dogs, and now you want them to move in with you both?

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want my dog to live with me, let alone someone who wanted me to put him up for adoption. And I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who would give me an "it's me or the dog" ultimatum. That's all I can really say on that.

pigsDOfly · 29/10/2021 23:10

If he knew the dogs were yours then surely he knew that you'd want them to live with you once you were in a position to have them but he's threatening to leave if you do so.

Has he given you any reasons for his not wanting the dogs with you in your new home?

He doesn't sound like someone with any empathy or kindness and he certainly doesn't sound as if he's deeply invested in your marriage.

If this is going to be his pattern of behaviour in the future, threatening to withdraw from the marriage every time he doesn't like something you're about to do, then frankly it sounds as if you'd be better off to have your dog to live with you and let him leave.

Original poster

HelloKat · 29/10/2021 23:10

I think I caught him by surprise. He said he didnt think I was going to take them back. To be fair, we havent really talked about it until now but I just thought it was obvious that I would eventually be taking my dogs back at some point.

OP posts:

Original poster

HelloKat · 29/10/2021 23:15

@pigsDOfly
My husband says he doesnt want the house to smell like dogs and that my dogs are too yappy.

Mainly, he is trying to ascert that he didnt go into our marriage with my dogs involved and he doesnt want them in our future... Is that fair when he always knew they were mine?

OP posts:

Sparklfairy · 29/10/2021 23:15

How long have you been married?

By threatening to leave, as PP said hes either not committed to the marriage, or I suspect just using this threat as a way to force you to do what he wants. Unfortunately now he's said that, you're put in a difficult position. If you cave, you'll resent him forever without your dogs, and he'll know he can threaten to leave every time he wants his own way. Or you dig your heels in because you don't give in to blackmail and bullies and he is forced to follow through and leave or lose face. He really, really shouldn't have said that. In your position I would be feeling the whole relationship was on shaky ground now no matter what I decided to do about the dogs.

WonderfulYou · 29/10/2021 23:18

He always knew the dogs were mine and we have often lived with them but as our accommodation for most of the 3 years didnt allow pets, he never had an issue.

Mainly, he is trying to ascert that he didnt go into our marriage with my dogs involved and he doesnt want them in our future

These are two completely different statements.

I hate to say it but to say you’ll end a marriage over something like this is a massive red flag to me - is he looking for an excuse to leave?

Starlightstarbright1 · 29/10/2021 23:20

Tbh.. he probably assumed they didn't live with you. Yours in name.

Dogs are a big joint commitment.

I think you need to have a calm conversation .. but you descrthem as yappy dogs and you care about them. . Don't sound very app

Starlightstarbright1 · 29/10/2021 23:20

Appealing

pigsDOfly · 29/10/2021 23:22

It's a hell of a leap though from being taken by surprise and not wanting the dogs, to threatening to leave you if you take them back.

He's clearly not a dog person, but to expect you to give them up for adoption because he doesn't want them is a bit extreme.

Yes, you should have discussed it with him and made your position clear. It's never a good idea to assume someone can read your mind or just understand your thinking without having things laid out clearly.

You need to talk to him and explain things from your point of view and listen to how he feels as well.

At the moment it sounds as if there's a serious lack of communication between you.

SuperstoreFan · 29/10/2021 23:23

To be fair I wouldn't want yappy dogs living with me either and I'm a dog person.

Have you discussed it with him? If they've been with your parents for the past few years then I can kind of understand him being caught by surprise.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 29/10/2021 23:25

Be sensible.

Pick the dogs.

He really isn't compatible with you.

NailsNeedDoing · 29/10/2021 23:30

More than one happy dog constantly in your home would be pretty horrible if you don’t like them and I think yabu to assume that he should have known you’d want your dogs to live with you if you never talked about it.

That said, you are both married and responsible for your dogs so he is either going to have to compromise or follow through on his threat. All you can do is offer to make your dogs as easy as possible to live with and stick to it.

Luckingfovely · 29/10/2021 23:30

This is weird- how have you married a man who didn't know how important your dogs were to you?

So many things to unpick here; I have had dogs all my life, but I would never have or live with small yappy ones - personal choice, I know.

Him giving you an ultimatum is also so harsh - does he hate them so much / are they so unbearable to live with, that he can see no other option?

Or are there other problems in your relationship that he is deflecting onto the dogs?

GirlWithAGuitar · 29/10/2021 23:32

He says that I'm picking them over our relationship and that I should just put them up to adoption.

He’s making you choose. So yes, I’d choose the dogs. He’s a prick.

Branleuse · 29/10/2021 23:34

Are the two small yappy dogs littermates?
You might find them a lot less yappy if seperated. Two littermates will set each other off constantly.

Original poster

HelloKat · 29/10/2021 23:34

My dogs can be yappy but they are really sweet. I have told him that I will be happy to do all the looking after by myself and won't expect him to help out at all. But he just doesnt want them.

Not sure what to do as I feel like im stuck btw a rock and a hard place. At the end of the day, my dogs are my responsibility and I love them and want to take care of them. They're quite senior now (both 11yrs old) and it just breaks my heart thinking about having to give them up. I dont take marriage lightly and wouldnt want a divorce either. How can I persuade him in taking in my dogs?

OP posts:

SpookyPumpkinPants · 29/10/2021 23:35

Well, I don't know how you got as far as getting married to someone who doesn't want your dogs, who could suggest you rehome them.

I love dogs, but yappy little things I'm not keen on though so I'd have stopped seeing you unless I thought it could be trained out of them.

It's utterly ridiculous you didn't discuss this prior to getting married.

I'd choose my dogs over a man that would give me an Ultimatum any day.

How old are they? What's the breeds usual lifespan?

Clymene · 29/10/2021 23:36

Dogs over men. Every time

HeddaGarbled · 29/10/2021 23:37

I’m on his side: yappy dogs are horrible to live with (and for your neighbours). I assume that he assumed that they would continue to live in what has been their home for the last 3 years.

Sounds like your parents can’t wait to get rid of them either.

MintMatchmaker · 29/10/2021 23:38

My husband wouldn’t even consider pitching himself against our dog unless he truly wanted a divorce.

I would pick the dogs over a husband. I also wouldn’t appreciate it if he said it but doesn’t actually mean it, just said in the hope you’d be scared into rehoming them. I’d probably divorce him anyway if he did that.

KatherineJaneway · 29/10/2021 23:39

I'd be taking back the dogs amd showing him the door

KatherineJaneway · 29/10/2021 23:39

GirlWithAGuitar · 29/10/2021 23:39

How can I persuade him in taking in my dogs?

Even if he changed his mind, he’d still be a nasty cunt.

SerendipitySunshine · 29/10/2021 23:40

In reality, no one is going to want to adopt two old dogs, so they wont be rehomed. They'll be PTS. I couldn't be married to someone who thought that was ok. Be with your dogs.

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