Husband does not want to take in my dogs.

[HelloKat]

I have two yappy small dogs whom my parents helped looked after for 3 years while i was renting in the city. During those years, my bf and I got married and we're just about to buy a house together. I want to bring my dogs with us to our new home but he is completely against it and is insisting that my parents should continue looking after them. He always knew the dogs were mine and we have often lived with them but as our accommodation for most of the 3 years didnt allow pets, he never had an issue. My husband is threatening to leave me if I bring my dogs with us to our new home. He says that I'm picking them over our relationship and that I should just put them up to adoption. My problem is that I love my dogs and I cant bare the thought of putting them up for adoption and my parent can no longer help look after them. Please help. Really need advice.

@Aderyn21

Garriet and iced coffees, okay, in theory anyone can leave at any time. But in real life, it's massively unreasonable behaviour when you are married to threaten to up and leave without any attempt to find a mutually agreeable solution. The OP hasn't had an affair or gambled their house deposit or done anything that warrants going straight to leaving. People who threaten to walk out at the drop of a hat, have no business getting married.

But she also wasn't honest about the dogs coming to live with them and for many people, living with pets (especially dogs) is a deal-breaker. And I say that as an animal lover with multiple pets.

Dogs are a huge commitment. They're expensive, they need walking everyday, they can't be left overnight or for long periods during the day, and as they get older, they get unwell, they often suffer from incontinence and dementia etc.

While I agree that he shouldn't walk out without even a discussion, I would also say that people who get dogs and then palm them off on their parents for three years have no business getting pets either.

I'm worried by the fact that he is not interested in your thoughts on this matter. In life all sorts of unexpected things happen eg illness, disability, needy relatives, unemployment etc. How would he be if one of those are visited upon you? Would he walk off then ?

How long have you been together, all in? Sounds like you've rushed into marring someone you don't know very well.

I just find it strange that these conversations didn't come up sooner. 1-2 years into my relationship we've discussed all things such as where we both want to be in the future. House, pets, kids etc. We also didn't get married until 5 years later, at which point we were exactly on the same page.

Wow who made him the boss of you, he's not in charge just because you're married. So what they're your dogs if they are important to you then they would be important to him. At 12 years old they've realistically got a few years left and he can't tolerate them for a short while. Don't bother talking to us go and get your dogs and for the love of all things holy have a really good think before you get pregnant to this man. If he's like this over dogs imagine how he's going to be over a family

I couldn't live with yappy dogs. The dogs have been living happily with your parents for 3 years anyway - can't you leave them there where they're happy?

It’s not simple is it but is this an actual ultimatum from him?

Can he think of anything which will make it acceptable to him?

Is he regretting the marriage and letting you take responsibility for the end?

How long have you been together?

I'd pick the dogs!! A friend of mine was in a similar situation before, kept the dog, dropped the man and now she is very happy with her new partner, her lovely little daughter and the dog.
My concern here is marriage is all about compromise, and him saying either get rid of your beloved dogs is mean, nasty and honestly would be a massive red flag for me. To echo PP, you will resent him forever if you give in, and he will use that line every time you do something he doesn't like to get his way.

In reality, no one is going to want to adopt two old dogs, so they wont be rehomed. They'll be PTS.

In reality, people do adopt old dogs. There's even an rescue specifically for older dogs called 'Oldies' rescue.

I adopted an 11yr old German Shepherd from a rescue. She lived for another 18 months and was fabulous, stable, balanced, well-trained and very loyal. No housetraining, chewing prevention or socialisation required. Instant dog.