Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Husband does not want to take in my dogs.

158 replies

HelloKat · 29/10/2021 22:53

I have two yappy small dogs whom my parents helped looked after for 3 years while i was renting in the city. During those years, my bf and I got married and we're just about to buy a house together. I want to bring my dogs with us to our new home but he is completely against it and is insisting that my parents should continue looking after them. He always knew the dogs were mine and we have often lived with them but as our accommodation for most of the 3 years didnt allow pets, he never had an issue. My husband is threatening to leave me if I bring my dogs with us to our new home. He says that I'm picking them over our relationship and that I should just put them up to adoption. My problem is that I love my dogs and I cant bare the thought of putting them up for adoption and my parent can no longer help look after them. Please help. Really need advice.

OP posts:
EverNapping · 29/10/2021 23:40

If your relationship is worth that little to him, choose the dogs.

WallaceinAnderland · 29/10/2021 23:42

How on earth did you not discuss this before marriage? It's a pretty important commitment.

GinIronic · 29/10/2021 23:43

I'm with him. I wouldn't want my house smelling of dog if I wasn't a dog lover. Why can't they stay with your parents? You can't be that attached to the dogs if you have lived without them for most of the last few years.

GCAcademic · 29/10/2021 23:43

@Clymene

Dogs over men. Every time
This. No contest.
Branleuse · 29/10/2021 23:46

I reckon hes bluffing. Bring the dogs and tell him to grow up. He always knew they were your dogs and now hes moving the goalposts when it was obvious youd have your dogs back once you were able to. That youre going to be the one taking care of them and you never know he might learn to quite like the yappy little bastards

Sittingonabench · 29/10/2021 23:48

Live separately until he grows up and understands the concept of a commitment

ANameChangeAgain · 29/10/2021 23:48

He is happy for your elderly dogs to go to a shelte, taken away from everything they know, and probably be separated or euthanized? Nasty git. If he loved you he wouldn't be making you choose between them and him. He is showing you who he is and you need to listen.

Viviennemary · 29/10/2021 23:49

No way would I live with two yappy dogs or even one yappy dog.

TattySlippers · 29/10/2021 23:50

To be fair I wouldn't want yappy dogs living with me either and I'm a dog person

I’m on the same page. My Dog doesn't yap, mainly because I took the time to teach him “quiet”.

I couldn’t cope with dogs yapping constantly.

pigsDOfly · 29/10/2021 23:52

@ANameChangeAgain

He is happy for your elderly dogs to go to a shelte, taken away from everything they know, and probably be separated or euthanized? Nasty git. If he loved you he wouldn't be making you choose between them and him. He is showing you who he is and you need to listen.
Agree with this.

There's not a man on earth that I'd give up my dog for.

And any man that expected me to surrender my dog would soon be someone I wouldn't want to be around.

Hoesbeforebroes · 30/10/2021 00:00

My neighbour's dog was yapping away a few feet from my bed when I read your OP.

I honestly couldn't live with one yapper, let alone two. No matter how much I loved my partner. Even if my decision put 2 seniors into a shelter. I just couldn't do it, it would destroy my mental health.

MintLampShade · 30/10/2021 00:01

Is your DH against your two existing dogs and would be willing to have different pets in the future or is he just generally not a pet person and doesn't want them at all, ever? If the latter, then I'm with him as having to share my home with animals would be an absolute deal breaker for me. But then again, you would have known that before marrying me so it wouldn't come as a surprise.

oviraptor21 · 30/10/2021 00:03

if he would leave you over this then he's not really Into the marriage confused I wouldn't be buying a house with him and keep things as simple to break up as possible. get your own place with your dogs and meet someone decent.

Alternatively, if OP really would put the dogs ahead of her DH then maybe she's not really into the marriage either?

PurpleOkapi · 30/10/2021 00:03

I like dogs, but not yappy ones. And I definitely wouldn't like it if my husband decided the yappy dogs that I thought he'd given to his parents years ago were now a dealbreaker issue. If you never said the words "We're taking them back when we buy a house," then it's not fair to assume he knew that was your intent.

Yes, they're senior now, but three years ago, they were three years younger. Better communication at that point could have avoided this problem in a way that was better for the dogs. As it stands, if your parents can no longer care for them, they'll be moving from one home and family to another regardless.

If you're dead set on keeping them, and you also want to keep your husband, then at the very least you need to figure out how to teach them not to yap. Which you should have done anyway, a long time ago, before you dumped them on your parents. They probably could have done without the yapping, too.

You made this mess, OP, and you're probably not going to be able to ultimatum your way into getting everything you want. The only thing that might work is to ask your husband why he doesn't want the dogs, respectfully listen to what he says, and then find ways of addressing that specific problem. He wants them to stop yapping? You train them, before they move in. He's worried about not being able to travel? You pay for a pet-sitter. He doesn't like hair everywhere? You train them to stay off the furniture, and you clean the floor every day as needed. He doesn't want to have to walk them? You make whatever arrangements are needed to ensure you never have to ask him to do it. And you don't complain about him not helping enough, ever.

ToastieSnowy · 30/10/2021 00:05

He’s not a dog person and didn’t expect to have to live with two yappy dogs. He’s made it clear it’s something he can’t do. That’s his right. He shouldn’t be expected to live with dogs if he doesn’t want to, the same as you should live with your dogs if that’s something you want to do. If you’re both at polar opposites that you won’t be able to live together. You and he need to communicate honestly to find out if you’re compatible.

AmberOwl · 30/10/2021 00:11

But you can't compare this to a man saying get rid of the dogs etc etc. The OP hasn't had the dogs with her for the duration of her relationship with her now husband. And by her own admission, she never said ' btw, I will be having my dogs love with me one day' so he probably assumed - understandably - that she wasn't that fussed about her own dogs

Add in the fact that they are yappy and I can see where he is coming from

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 30/10/2021 00:12

I think I’d be looking for ways to support your parents to keep them. The dogs have lived there for quite a while now and are elderly, the last thing they need is to be moved to a house where one half of the human population doesn’t like them.

PurpleOkapi · 30/10/2021 00:15

I'd be looking at paying someone to keep them. Proper dog care isn't cheap, and you'd be paying that amount anyway if you had them yourself. I'm sure there's someone somewhere who would love to give a good home to a pair of little yappers if it didn't cost them anything at all.

saraclara · 30/10/2021 00:19

I like dogs, but not yappy ones. And I definitely wouldn't like it if my husband decided the yappy dogs that I thought he'd given to his parents years ago were now a dealbreaker issue. If you never said the words "We're taking them back when we buy a house," then it's not fair to assume he knew that was your intent.

That. You clearly didn't give him the slightest impression that they were anything other than your parents' dogs now. And to be honest, they can't have been that important to you if you handed them over to your parents for three years without a qualm.

Him threatening that the marriage would be over if you take them back is disconcerting to say the least. But while I love dogs, no way could I live with two yappy ones.
When their actual owner calls them yappy, they must be hell on earth.

BurntO · 30/10/2021 00:24

I love dogs. I’d hate having yappy dogs, the noise reaches my core. And you say you’ve never discussed them moving in with you? I don’t think he is being unreasonable tbh. It’s a massive commitment and it doesn’t sound like you have communicated well at all.

Rtmhwales · 30/10/2021 00:27

@oviraptor21

if he would leave you over this then he's not really Into the marriage confused I wouldn't be buying a house with him and keep things as simple to break up as possible. get your own place with your dogs and meet someone decent.

Alternatively, if OP really would put the dogs ahead of her DH then maybe she's not really into the marriage either?

This. With bells on.

If they never talked about it I'm not sure why OP's DH would assume the dogs were coming. If they're so important to OP why didn't they express this intently clearly from the beginning. I wouldn't choose a dog, let alone two yappy ones, over my marriage.

TedMullins · 30/10/2021 00:28

It’s bizarre you didn’t discuss this in more detail before getting married but - bring the dogs home. If he leaves, good riddance. When I first started dating my bf I told him my dog sleeps on the bed and if he objected, he has a nice bed in his own home he can sleep in instead. Dogs > men every time.

GirlWithAGuitar · 30/10/2021 00:32

If they never talked about it I'm not sure why OP's DH would assume the dogs were coming.

All the people saying this, the obvious thing would be that OP would have her dogs back at the earliest opportunity. They are her dogs, it goes without saying. The fact that the husband thinks she wouldn’t be having them backs shows how uncaring he is.

GroggyLegs · 30/10/2021 00:32

He's changed his tune. If you lived with them on & off for 3 years, he likely knew the score.

Although it baffles me that you hadn't had this conversation properly at some point - surely when you were discussing life plans & kids or no kids, the dogs would have come up?

I completely get his lack of desire to live with dogs, but it's not something to end a marriage over. He's either bluffing or there's something else up.

MissM2912 · 30/10/2021 00:32

I would just bring them home and let husband yap! If he is that worked up about two elderly dogs he is clearly a twat.

Swipe left for the next trending thread