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The doghouse

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Original poster

Husband does not want to take in my dogs.

158 replies

HelloKat · 29/10/2021 22:53

I have two yappy small dogs whom my parents helped looked after for 3 years while i was renting in the city. During those years, my bf and I got married and we're just about to buy a house together. I want to bring my dogs with us to our new home but he is completely against it and is insisting that my parents should continue looking after them. He always knew the dogs were mine and we have often lived with them but as our accommodation for most of the 3 years didnt allow pets, he never had an issue. My husband is threatening to leave me if I bring my dogs with us to our new home. He says that I'm picking them over our relationship and that I should just put them up to adoption. My problem is that I love my dogs and I cant bare the thought of putting them up for adoption and my parent can no longer help look after them. Please help. Really need advice.

OP posts:
Immaculatemisconception · 30/10/2021 10:37

There’s only one thing worse than a dog on Mumsnet and that’s a MIL. 😂😂😂

GirlWithAGuitar · 30/10/2021 10:37

Yes I do think less of him. I thought he was a better man than that. I was very resentful of him for quite some time afterwards. I've had to do my very best to move past it though, as we have a 3yr old child and he's a very good dad and partner in many other ways.

You’re more forgiving than me then. I hope he knows how lucky he is! Smile

BeagleBeagled · 30/10/2021 10:47

Poor dogs.

SW1amp · 30/10/2021 10:49

@GirlWithAGuitar

As for the dogs being untrained. Yappy? We have trainers working with out dogs, some of the most well trained dogs will still be yappy.
I’ve never ever met a well-trained dog that was yappy

You must have a very different definition of ‘well-trained’ to me…

GirlWithAGuitar · 30/10/2021 10:57

You must have a very different definition of ‘well-trained’ to me…

Some dogs are more vocal than others, no matter what you do. I have one dog that hardly ever barks and one that barks every time someone knocks the door or even approaches our house. She has fantastic recall and knows a huge amount of commands. We’ve done all the right training....Shes still very vocal.

DrNo007 · 30/10/2021 10:59

There may (just may) be a practical solution here. Assuming that you both want to stay married (and that doesn’t seem clear to me from his side), train your dogs not to bark. Even though they are old it’s not necessarily too late.

And don’t allow the dogs upstairs/in bedrooms—instal dog gates if necessary. Get rid of all your carpets downstairs, replace with hard flooring and wipe it down once a week. Don’t allow dogs on sofa. Give dogs high quality food, maybe raw.

By following these rules a friend kept her big hairy dog and did not have a smelly house.

MsFrog · 30/10/2021 11:11

Why is it chilling? Lots of people can't stand animals or don't want to share their home with them. There's lots of unpleasant downsides. The PP isn't saying she wishes them any harm.

I find it so bizarre how highly people consider animals. I know they are your responsibility and some people love them like family, but it's doesn't make you a bad person if you don't like them or if pet ownership isn't what you thought/wanted. Dogs and cats can live such a long time, it's hard to live with something that you hate in your own home - and there's nothing wrong with that. I cannot understand all the "dogs over men every time" chat. I'd lose respect for a partner who didn't care about or value my feelings and just blindly sided with the animal, tbh.

MsFrog · 30/10/2021 11:13

Oh sorry, it didn't quote the PP - that was a completely genuine question for @Immaculatemisconception

Mojoj · 30/10/2021 11:14

Bye bye husband. It's a no brainer for me!

Garriet · 30/10/2021 11:17

Astonishing that you got married without having this conversation. As your dogs had been with your parents for years, it’s perfectly reasonable for your husband to assume that’s where they lived now, in the absence of any clear communication to the contrary. Why on Earth didn’t you talk about it? It’s not surprising he doesn’t want to live with two smelly, yappy dogs, lots of people wouldn’t. Perhaps he should have clarified this but ultimately OP, the onus was on you to be clearer.

Thing is, you say you’re now buying a house together. If he leaves you over this, where does that leave you? Can you buy alone, or would it be back to single person renting… in which case, where do the dogs fit in?

Immaculatemisconception · 30/10/2021 11:22

@MsFrog

Oh sorry, it didn't quote the PP - that was a completely genuine question for *@Immaculatemisconception*
A genuine answer is that people who like and value animals are nicer people. ❤️🐶🐯
LindaEllen · 30/10/2021 11:23

So.

He doesn't like dogs, and you never gave him any indication that your dogs would be coming to live with you?

If this was a thread about one of you really not wanting dogs, and one of you wanting to buy two dogs, everyone would be saying don't buy dogs unless everyone is on board, as it's not fair.

I don't see how this is any different. I would hate to live with two dogs. I'm not sure if I would leave, but I would be very unhappy.

I'm afraid I'm with your husband on this one.

MsFrog · 30/10/2021 11:27

@Immaculatemisconception why? I am a very kind, I work with people with disabilities, I try to be a kind, caring, generous mother and wife, a good friend etc. I don't wish animals any ill will, they are fine and some a cute. But I could not stand to live with an animal, and I don't get why that is so villified?

rookiemere · 30/10/2021 11:28

It doesn't appear as if this was discussed. Perhaps your DH assumed the dogs would stay with your DPs as they have done for most of the past 3 years. If you'd genuinely wanted to keep the dogs you would have found properties that accepted dogs - I do appreciate that's easier said than done - but the fact you've coped without them for so long would naturally make someone think you weren't in a rush to have them back.
How do your DPs feel ? Do they enjoy having the dogs ?

Aderyn21 · 30/10/2021 11:30

What concerns me most here is that he went straight to the nuclear option - no discussion of how you (as a couple) might make this situation work. He could have discussed training or keeping the dogs out of certain rooms in the house. But no, he went straight for 'do as I want or I'm leaving you'! To which the automatic reaction is not to give in to threats and ultimatums.
Personally I'd have thought it obvious that the dogs would be going with you - he knew they were yours. He's entitled to not want them but he's not entitled to outright refuse and threaten to leave. Would he not have married you if he'd known you were reclaiming the dogs? Because if that's the case, he's not someone you want to be married to. What will he be like if you disagree with him on how to raise children, or how money should be spent?
I'd not but a house yet.

MsFrog · 30/10/2021 11:34

Sorry OP, my posts haven't been helpful, just about my own views! I'd agree that your DH's attitude doesn't sound like it's been the best, but I can understand it being a deal breaker for someone. It sounds like a very difficult situation - hopefully a caring and honest chat between the two of you will bring a solution

GenderAtheist · 30/10/2021 11:35

@HelloKat

I think I caught him by surprise. He said he didnt think I was going to take them back. To be fair, we havent really talked about it until now but I just thought it was obvious that I would eventually be taking my dogs back at some point.
So you never talked about it with him and now you are trying to force him to live with your dogs when he doesn’t want to?

That’s going to work out well Hmm

Garriet · 30/10/2021 11:40

he's not entitled to outright refuse and threaten to leave.

Of course he is. Nobody has to stay in any relationship for any reason.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 30/10/2021 11:49

Could he try living with them for 6 months and see if the reality is the same as what he imagined?

Personally though I think he's a dick to give an ultimatum like that and I'd be tempted to say 'OK then, but I really don't want to - it'll only be a few years. Do you really want to throw everything away for that? Didn't you realise that my dogs would be coming back to me eventually?' and I'd be thinking 'Are you really such a DUMB FUCK?!'

LettertoHermoine · 30/10/2021 11:50

Yappy Dogs coming to live with me when I didn't know they would be coming to live with me after 3 years would be a no from me too.

WHO the hell wants to love with yappy dogs...TWO of them!! That's just too much OP, his quality of life would be affected. He is right to kick up a fuss. Fuck that.

icedcoffees · 30/10/2021 11:58

He's entitled to not want them but he's not entitled to outright refuse and threaten to leave.

Of course he is - he can have whatever dealbreaker he wants. Not everyone wants to live with dogs - they're a big tie and elderly dogs can come with all sorts of issues from constant barking to dementia to incontinence.

OP never spoke to him about having the dogs with them full-time - if they were that important to her, she'd have had this discussion at the beginning of their relationship, but I suspect it was more convenient to palm them off on her parents instead.

Andwander · 30/10/2021 12:00

@HaveANiceFuckingDay.you sound a very unpleasant human and I am not surprised your partner prefers the dog.

sleepinglionsroar · 30/10/2021 12:05

It depends on the life they have now. You could say they were only allowed in a certain room, but it they have been sofa dogs then they won't like that.

Can your parents keep them and you pay for everything and get a fog Walker ? Or are they stick of them smelling and barking? Wink My dog smells back too and barks.

Hercisback · 30/10/2021 12:41

@Immaculatemisconception How can you say people who like animals are nicer people? You don't have to like animals to be a nice person. In fact one of the vilest people I know (towards other humans) is dog mad. What a bizarre way of thinking from you.

Aderyn21 · 30/10/2021 14:03

Garriet and iced coffees, okay, in theory anyone can leave at any time. But in real life, it's massively unreasonable behaviour when you are married to threaten to up and leave without any attempt to find a mutually agreeable solution. The OP hasn't had an affair or gambled their house deposit or done anything that warrants going straight to leaving. People who threaten to walk out at the drop of a hat, have no business getting married.