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The doghouse

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Husband wants rid of my dog

192 replies

Morgan065 · 19/02/2019 05:46

Before I met my husband I adopted a dog who became my world. He's my baby and I wouldn't be without him. Four years on, I met someone with whom I fell in love with. At first he seemed to be ok with my dog. Then we got married, my dog and I moved in to his home and things seemed lovely and balanced. My husband helped walk the dog while I was at work and in return I tried to balance my giving of love and attention between them ensuring harmony in this triad relationship. Two years on, my husband became agitated and complained about the size of my dog, that he's too big for the house and his house has become a kennel. My dog being a greyhound is big yet the most gentle and we'll behaved one that sleeps most of the day. He doesn't bark and makes no demands. His paws get washed each time he is brought into the house especially on muddy days and has baths when necessary. My husband claims that he's tried it with the dog for 2 years and he can no longer carry on living with it. He's suggested getting someone else to look after him as he can no longer tolerate him in his small house. It has caused a lot of arguments that I tried to leave with my dog a couple of times. He promised to try harder but in one heated argument (about the dog, of course) he only said to try harder to stop me from going. I'm adamant in keeping my dog as in my eyes he's done nothing wrong. He accused me of choosing my dog over him yet he knew I had a dog before we met. I explained to him that my dog is not just a dog but like a child with whom I developed a deep bond with. I asked him how it would be like for me if I was forced to give my dog away. His response was "You'll be upset but you'll get over it in time". I found his response very cold and calous. So, before I make a final decision on my marriage , I ask everyone, am I missing something? Please help.

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 22/02/2019 10:51

He sounds like my husband. He wanted a dog, we got a dog. The dog, instead of helping to soothe his anxieties, aggravated them. In the end husband I split. The dog wasn't the reason - my husbands unreasonable anxieties and demands were the reason. The dog was the last straw. I feel so free now I am not tiptoeing around a man who is constantly anxious and stressed. DD, the dog and I have found a new free and easy way to live.

Good luck in your decision but think carefully if this is all about the dog or if the dog is the tip of a large iceberg.

Ginny008 · 22/02/2019 13:40

This is his first big test (after all your compromises) isn't it? If you can be bullied into giving up your pet who loves you unconditionally what will the next test be? Be wary about enmeshing yourself more with this man or having children with him - especially in "his" house.

rookiemere · 22/02/2019 13:55

I'm not wild about dogs and now we've got one I'm not wild about the extra muck, hairs and cleaning. But I recognise that ddog is now part of the family and I just have to suck it up. In your case you had the ddog prior to meeting him and its not like ddog will live forever (sorry). So whilst he may not enjoy it it's riot as though the situation will be the same for many years.

Sorry but your H sounds mean

Doghorsechicken · 22/02/2019 14:14

He sounds jealous and controlling and it seems that your two adult children can see that too. They only want what is best for you.
You and DDog have compromised so much already, no longer allowed in bed, upstairs or on the sofa etc. Yet it’s still not good enough. You need to leave with your gorgeous greyhound.
I have DDog that I’ve had for 17 years (much longer than I’ve known DH!) and DH knows that DDog will always be my number 1. He’s had to accept that DDog sleeps on the bed and cuddles on the sofa because that’s what we do. He had to accept the situation and he’d never suggest otherwise.
Good luck OP, I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

picklemepopcorn · 22/02/2019 14:15

Told DH about this thread. He was shocked. He knows very well that if he tried it, he'd be the one packing! Grin

sugarbum · 22/02/2019 14:30

I feel so bad for you OP. You seem to have made your decision, but whilst its easy to say LTB on paper (or on the internet) its not so simple in real life. Like other posters have said, your husband has told you who he is by making these demands. He has developed what seems like an obsession over the dog and your compromises are not acceptable to him. Your dog won't be around forever, (sorry to say such things) and is probably already confused about being packed off every weekend. Its not a question of who do you love more? It never has been. Its about control. He doesn't care that you will be miserable without your boy, or how cruel it is to the dog to deprive him of you. This is not love. This is selfishness.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/02/2019 15:29

I don’t understand the
It’s me or the dog ultimatum.

Unless someone is really really stupid or so arrogant they can’t conceive an alternative

Whoever makes this sort of ultimatum is going to lose.

Otherwise they actually want the other person out and want to blame the other person for breaking up the relationship

Antonin · 23/02/2019 14:21

If he really cared for his wife he wouldn’t put you in this situation. Makes a nonsense of his allegation re your rega for him.
Such a common situationwhere DH is preparedto make compromises etc until lt in the relationship when he becomes controlling.
After the dog goes there will something else you value, maybe time with family and friends.
Get I’d OP. You and your companion deserve better. Also do you want to go the rest of your life without pets?
Good luck

AdoreTheBeach · 23/02/2019 14:50

Oh OP. I read your updates. So many concessions/compromises have been made. I agree with others that a) his OCD could well focus on something else should the dog go (which shouldn’t happen to the poor old guy) b) if this is also about control, then what would be the next item he focuses on for you to give up? C) he already issues ultimatums to you on other matters. This does not sound good and sends signals the dog is more about control than OCD. If it were purely OCD and he’d managed 2 years with the dog (and all your concessions) I would’ve said ask him to go for some therapy to work in that as in truth, we know as a 9 year old greyhound, he’s not got many more years. If your husband could tolerate your dog for a few more years, you’re satisfied and the marriage could outlast this. But it’s not just about your dog. He issues ultimatums on other matters. That is the real issue that controlling nature is what needs addressing.

I’m so sorry for the position you’re in. It’s easy for us to give our opinion but we’re not in your position. I wish you well in sorting this out.

notacooldad · 23/02/2019 15:06

I'll put my cards down. I'm not a pet fan and I don't want a dog.
However if I was in your shoes would most certainly choose the dog for a couple of reasons.
The dog was with you first. He clearly means the world to you and that should should frankly be enough The dog is not aggressive towards your Dh or doesn't cause him health worries or make demands on his time so I don't see what the problem is.
You can't just get rid of a dog
poor thing.

The biggest worry is he is demanding that you get rid of something hugely important to you. That is at best selfish but in my view controlling.
Please don't get of your very much loved pet.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 23/02/2019 15:07

they both want me to choose my dog if I have to.

Sounds like they have the measure of the man.

ohfourfoxache · 23/02/2019 15:18

Like FUCK would I give up the dog.

However, as he’s obviously a controlling wankbag, I’d have no hesitation in ditching him.

(FWIW I’m a cat person, very much not a dog person, but if ANYONE tried to manipulate me into getting rid of my cat there would be hell to pay)

Zwischenwasser · 23/02/2019 15:57

if you can be bullied into giving up your pet who loves you unconditionally what will the next test be?

This with nobs on

AnneElliott · 25/02/2019 18:44

I agree with everyone else op - it's the H that needs to go. It's a control thing and he will move into something else once he's made yuh get rid of your dog. What if he decides he doesn't want your kids to come round anymore?

smackbangwhollop · 10/03/2019 21:57

i would never give up my dog for a man. His behavior waves a great big red flag for the future I couldn't ignore. I think we both know you'd resent him for the rest of your life if he made you get rid of a living connected soul who loves you without limits and is there for you no matter what. You need a dog lover who understand just how special the human -dog connection is.

ThatsNotIt · 11/03/2019 17:49

If I met someone then went on to marry him and two years later he asked me to get rid of the dog, I had before I'd met him ... I'd get rid of the DH but that's me if you had kids by another man would he be the same?

Gingersstuff · 12/03/2019 10:02

OP, your dog and your kids sound lovely.
Your DH not so much.
He is not a nice man. He’s not a good man. Get rid.

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