Husband wants rid of my dog

[Morgan065]

Before I met my husband I adopted a dog who became my world. He's my baby and I wouldn't be without him. Four years on, I met someone with whom I fell in love with. At first he seemed to be ok with my dog. Then we got married, my dog and I moved in to his home and things seemed lovely and balanced. My husband helped walk the dog while I was at work and in return I tried to balance my giving of love and attention between them ensuring harmony in this triad relationship. Two years on, my husband became agitated and complained about the size of my dog, that he's too big for the house and his house has become a kennel. My dog being a greyhound is big yet the most gentle and we'll behaved one that sleeps most of the day. He doesn't bark and makes no demands. His paws get washed each time he is brought into the house especially on muddy days and has baths when necessary. My husband claims that he's tried it with the dog for 2 years and he can no longer carry on living with it. He's suggested getting someone else to look after him as he can no longer tolerate him in his small house. It has caused a lot of arguments that I tried to leave with my dog a couple of times. He promised to try harder but in one heated argument (about the dog, of course) he only said to try harder to stop me from going. I'm adamant in keeping my dog as in my eyes he's done nothing wrong. He accused me of choosing my dog over him yet he knew I had a dog before we met. I explained to him that my dog is not just a dog but like a child with whom I developed a deep bond with. I asked him how it would be like for me if I was forced to give my dog away. His response was "You'll be upset but you'll get over it in time". I found his response very cold and calous. So, before I make a final decision on my marriage , I ask everyone, am I missing something? Please help.

Yes what next will he ask of you if you give up your beloved dog? It seems like he would call all the shots and you both have different ideas of what is best in life. In future you might want different things and he is very likely to block them. What if you wanted a new dog or something else he didn't agree with?
Secondly it would be very bad to rehome an elderly dog as it would find it hard to settle and miss you. It's not that easy to find a good home for an old dog many people are reluctant to take them on due to potential medical costs and things.

Greyhounds aren't generally troublesome dogs: as you say they sleep a lot and don't bark.

But having a dog in the home often does mean a 'doggy' smell ( possibly imperceptible to dog lovers!) if not kept scrupulously clean.

Greyhounds have short coats but even so, their hair can shed.

They also defecate of course, and if not picked up regularly, it can make outside spaces very unhygienic.

So op, are you on top of all the maintenance that comes with dog?

Is there some way you can compromise such as making sure the dog isn't allowed in all the rooms say, or may be crated if the house is small?

I think you need to find out what is really going on and if your DH has OCD tendencies which might manifest in control like behaviour then you both need to try to find a solution before chucking the towel in with each other.

In your shoes OP I would leave with my dog. Your dh is controlling and manipulative and this will not end after you have given up the dog. It would actually make him worse. And you wouldn't even have your lovely dog to comfort you when hes made your life a misery.

I can't imagine how alone and isolated I would feel, coming back to my house without my best non-judgmental friend waiting for me.

Your husband sounds awful. If he is jealous of your DDog, next will be your DFs, then the family, then your children. Luckily, he has shown you his true personality before you end up without a friend in the world.

I don't often say LTB, but LTB.

When we start dating someone we accept that they come as part of a package. I'm allergic to cats, so I wouldn't date someone who had a cat. I have a dog, so I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who disliked dogs.

I'm really worried about the controlling aspect of this - he's trying to force you to give up something he knows makes you happy, and to me that's a massive red flag for what will happen in future if you comply with this request. Have a read of this - do any of the other points raised ring true for you? rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

This rings alarm bells to me. If he's so unreasonable about your dog, what will stop him from being unreasonable about you giving up other important things in your life if they don't fit in with what he wants?

This.

We've got 2 dogs, OP, and they're messy noisy dirty chaos. DH would never have pets by his own admission, but he knows how important they are to me. He does grumble occasionally about the mess but he also knows that they come first and if he said to me it's me or the dog he'd know exactly what my answer would be.

Your DH is prepared to break your heart.

That alone would be the end for me.

I'm single but... Heaven help the man who asked me to not have this little chap.

In your op you take about splitting your love evenly between them.

Could It be that your DH thinks you see him on the same level as a dog which, as a fellow non dog love r would annoy me, especially in my marriage. He's your husband not a pet.

He's tried by taking on the responsibility and walking it and so on, but whne you don't like dogs you Don tlike them.

I'd be listening to your husband's feelings about your pet. Not your child. Your pet.

Pets have no voice. They have no control at all what happens to them, they are completely at our mercy.

This man knew his partner came with a dog, and now he’s changed the terms.

Anyone who would get rid of a living creature simply because they got on their nerves is not a man to have children with.

When someone shows you who they are and all that.

but whne you don't like dogs you Don tlike them

So don’t marry someone with one.

Maybe get a shed? Make it nice and cosy, the one you love the most /loves you the most can snuggle up on the couch and share your life.
The miserable twat of a dh can suck it up in the garden.
Seriously I lived with such a bully, my ddog changed over time. She is aggressive and unpredictable now. I divorced him. And kept my beautiful ddog.

The only reason I'd get rid of my cats would be if my DP or future children were allergic or if the cats attacked them.

Your husband is being a giant dick. It's not as if dogs live very long either, and he knows just how much you care about your dog. If your dog bit him or barked constantly, I'd understand, but this is ridiculous. Do not get rid of your dog. He wouldn't get rid of you, remember you are his whole world.

If your husband is so quick to replace something you love, I wonder what kind of person he is.

LTB.

Has your dog asked you to choose between him and the husband? No? Thought not.

When I met my DH I had 2 cats. I'll be honest, I kept quiet about the cats until he was in love and then I just announced 'by the way, I've got cats'. He didn't really like them but he was stuck with them. I came with cats.

Now we have 3 cats and DH is responsible for all their feeding, litter trays, one of them actually sleeps inside our bed and he talks to them all the time.

If he really loved you, he would love the dog. He doesn't love you.

Your husband sounds like a manipulative arsehole. If he really loved you but really felt uncomfortable, he’d be suggesting finding a bigger house (that would be home for all of you, not just him) rather than trying to get you to prove your love for him by giving up your dog.

The fact is that you have a responsibility to your dog who has has a deep bond and trust with you. It would be intensely traumatic for him to be separated from you, and that’s IF you could find a genuinely good home for him (some ‘good homes’ are actually fronts for cruelty, acquiring dogs to be bait in fighting or other abhorrent activities).

My dog is my best friend, I owe him the happiest life I can give him because that’s the commitment I made when I took on the responsibility of his care. If anyone in my life didn’t appreciate that fact and respect the love I have for my dog, they would be told where to go.

Your husband is showing you his true colours here. He’s trying to force you to move your boundaries, huge red flags for abusive behaviour.

You and your lovely dog deserve better than him.

"triad relationship" - "share the love between them equally" - "my baby" - "my world" - this has to be a wind-up!

This is your husband for goodness' sake! He is stuck with a dog in his home that he does not like. Dogs are in-your-face and all members of a household need to want them present, or it is a total no-no for the dog's sake if nothing else.

Rehome it. And just in case you are in any doubt, I mean the dog!

He is being extremely unfair. Did he not agree to it to start with?
You could try to find out what aspects annoy him so you can address those specific things?
But is it really about the dog? That's what I would be thinking.

AdoreTheBeach makes a very good point - how old is the dog? If he's 8+, he's already heading into his twilight years and your DH only has a short while left to put up with the current situation. Greyhounds don't live forever (sadly).

The reality is that rescues struggle to rehome older dogs, and the distress he'd suffered by being uprooting from his familiar surroundings home and left in kennels is just awful. If your DH is prepared to walk away from a confused elderly animal - over your own protests - then I'd wonder about what else he'd be happy to do.

You ask if you might be missing something?
Whilst I agree in general that your DH is in the wrong here, I also know people who are obsessed with their dogs. Love them more than anyone or anything. Is he jealous of your relationship? It’s still petty of him IMO but worth exploring.

I think ending a marriage is a bit hasty so I’d want to try everything. For example, is the dog allowed full run of the house? Is there one room where your DH can go to relax without the dog as he says it is making him agitated?

*Your DH is prepared to break your heart.

That alone would be the end for me.*

I agree. To me, this isn't a question about dogs. This is a question about someone who is meant to love you, asking you to break your own heart over something that has a finite end anyway. This dog must be 6 or 7 years old by now, based on the details given. If that's accurate, the chances are this dog has maybe 5 or 6 years left (sorry OP).

Who chooses breaking the heart of someone they love over 'putting up' with the dog for a few more years? Especially when they knew about the dog going into the relationship.

I am not a cat lover (sorry cat people); living with one annoys me for all sorts of reasons & I am allergic to them. There is no way on earth I would expect a partner to give up their cat because I didn't like it. No way. In fact, someone that did give up their beloved animal so easily would be a total turn off for me.

All the talk of people being 'above' dogs drives me crazy. It is not a bloody competition. Dogs (or any pet) do not choose to live with us. We make that choice for them and are, therefore, under a serious obligation to look after them well to the end of their days, barring something very serious going wrong. Anyone who takes on that kind of commitment and then gives it up easily is showing how lacking in moral fibre they are - to me anyway. It would cause me to question what else they were going to give up on when the going got tough.

The old saying comes back to me 'when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them'.

Good luck, OP. Your husband has dealt you a shit hand here xx

This is your husband for goodness' sake! He is stuck with a dog in his home that he does not like. Dogs are in-your-face and all members of a household need to want them present, or it is a total no-no for the dog's sake if nothing else

Did you miss the bit where the dog was there before the husband???

This thread is making me really angry.
Dogs are not disposable, when you get one it is for life. Rescues are overrun with abandoned dogs and it’s so unbelievably selfish and cruel to just dispose of a dog for no reason except you find them irritating.

I'm not a huge dog lover, in the sense that I wouldn't want the work or commitment associated with owning one, but I think that a man who loves you would never ask you to give up a much loved pet. Owning a dog or cat is a relationship, this is not disposable. I get that done people hate living with animals, he's struggling. But even so, the love you have for your dog should be more important to him than his annoyance at the reality of living with a dog.

LTB & my greyhound agrees.