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Husband wants rid of my dog

192 replies

Morgan065 · 19/02/2019 05:46

Before I met my husband I adopted a dog who became my world. He's my baby and I wouldn't be without him. Four years on, I met someone with whom I fell in love with. At first he seemed to be ok with my dog. Then we got married, my dog and I moved in to his home and things seemed lovely and balanced. My husband helped walk the dog while I was at work and in return I tried to balance my giving of love and attention between them ensuring harmony in this triad relationship. Two years on, my husband became agitated and complained about the size of my dog, that he's too big for the house and his house has become a kennel. My dog being a greyhound is big yet the most gentle and we'll behaved one that sleeps most of the day. He doesn't bark and makes no demands. His paws get washed each time he is brought into the house especially on muddy days and has baths when necessary. My husband claims that he's tried it with the dog for 2 years and he can no longer carry on living with it. He's suggested getting someone else to look after him as he can no longer tolerate him in his small house. It has caused a lot of arguments that I tried to leave with my dog a couple of times. He promised to try harder but in one heated argument (about the dog, of course) he only said to try harder to stop me from going. I'm adamant in keeping my dog as in my eyes he's done nothing wrong. He accused me of choosing my dog over him yet he knew I had a dog before we met. I explained to him that my dog is not just a dog but like a child with whom I developed a deep bond with. I asked him how it would be like for me if I was forced to give my dog away. His response was "You'll be upset but you'll get over it in time". I found his response very cold and calous. So, before I make a final decision on my marriage , I ask everyone, am I missing something? Please help.

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/02/2019 20:55

Hope azul doesn't have a dog.

TheNavigator · 19/02/2019 21:05

I cannot understand how someone who claims to love you can want you to give up something so precious to you. I would never ask my DH to make that sort of sacrifice for me, because I love him so much. I am shocked that some posters obviously would - they have a very different definition of love to me.

I think you know in your heart already that this man isn't capable of deep, sustaining affection, if after all this time he would seek to have you make such a horrible choice that will make you so unhappy. You deserve to be loved, not just tolerated when you behave - as does your dog.

MissLadyM · 19/02/2019 21:06

I hate him.

dreaminofholidays · 19/02/2019 21:08

What a horrible situation to be in. I'm sorry but your DH sounds awful.
He knew you and your lovely grey came as a package and you have tried very hard to accommodate him.
Also if your DH has an issue with dog hair why isn't he helping with cleaning?! however I think that's the least of your worries. He must have you living on egg shells.
It sounds like you are going to leave and I wish you every happiness in the future.
xxx

gettingtherequickly · 19/02/2019 22:46

No one with a greyhound would even have to ask

BlueSlipperSocks · 19/02/2019 22:55

I wouldn't get rid of my dog for the sake of a bloke.

I would get rid of the bloke first. I may be a little upset for a short time but I'd get over it (quickly).

Honeyroar · 19/02/2019 23:11

I agree, no man who really loved you would ask you to do something that would break your heart. He really sounds on a different page from you. You're an animal person, he isn't. I just couldn't be with someone who expected me to give up my animals unless there was some major, important reason. We have lots of animals. When we first met I just had a horse. I still have her 15 years later. She has always hated my husband (she generally hates everyone, but particularly him!) and bullies him at every opportunity, she will bite him if she can. Despite this, he he's kind to her, he looks after her when I'm (frequently) working away, and he gave me £1000 of his savings to put towards an operation to save her life. That's my kind of husband.

TinselAndKnickers · 20/02/2019 00:13

It's simple - he is telling you he couldn't give less of a shit about what you want, it's HIS house, he's happy to break your heart and said "you'll get over it" and from your updates sounds incredibly childish and controlling. Get rid of him ASAP, and cosy up with your lovely dog Thanks

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 20/02/2019 00:25

Yeah, no. He could get to fuck and I'd be out of there with the dog. I always think you can tell a lot about people from the way they interact with, and think about animals. He sounds cold and controlling.

Ella1980 · 20/02/2019 00:47

I always wanted a dog but my ex-husband said no. When I left him and got my own place (no, I didn't leave him because he wouldn't let me have a dog lol!) I got myself a doggie. She was an elderly rescue that had been in kennels for months and returned twice because she pulled a lot on the lead and couldn't cope with other animals in the house. It was love at first sight when I saw her and she was absolutely brilliant with my two boys. I've had her over four years now.
When I started dating again after my separation, my dog was the "litmus test" as it were. If they didn't like the dog it was a definite "no from us!"
When I met my now fiance he adored her immediately and continues to do so. She dotes on him and follows him around like a little sheep. Tbf, I think the dog sometimes gets more fuss and attention than I do!
For me, the dog (and needless to say the kids) came as a package. Love me, love my kids and my dog. She's a part of our family 😊

DownAndUnder · 20/02/2019 00:54

Sad please don’t do this to yourself or your dog.

Bambinho · 20/02/2019 01:18

I feel so sad for you and your lovely boy. You have compromised so much and in the process affected the quality of life of your greyhound. He must be so confused going back and forth to your friend's house, especially for those really long holiday periods.

Now, when you're allowed to have him at 'home' he has to spend all his time away from you in his bed when he used to have the usual retired greyhound luxury of a sofa and a human's bed to lie on. Fair enough, not everyone wants a dog on the furniture but greyhounds like to be with their owners so he would be happy just to be in the same room on his own bed.

I hope you can find the strength to make the changes to improve both your lives from now on.

ilovepixie · 20/02/2019 01:29

If my partner told me to get rid of my dog I would have no hesitation at all in getting rid of my partner!

dreichuplands · 20/02/2019 02:09

We have a dog, it turns out neither DH or I much like having a dog. But we made a commitment so we will stick to it. The DC love the dog and looking after it properly is our responsibility.
Your DH is sounding very selfish.

Soubriquet · 20/02/2019 06:59

"Is he controlling in other ways?"
Yes, he can be. If things don't go his way he gets angry and issues ultimatum.

There you go. You get rid of the dog and he will move on to start trying to assert control over something else.

House isn’t clean enough
You spend too much time with your family and friends
You don’t do this
You don’t do that
You don’t pander to every single little mantrum he has to make him lord of the castle

Prettyvase · 20/02/2019 08:55

Sounds like he's not able to compromise enough to make a good husband for you.

You are incompatible and if your DC are in agreement with everyone's views here on MN then the jury's out Grin

What are you going to do?

For your own peace of mind and peaceful life ahead you need to move out to start with.

ScrumpyBetty · 20/02/2019 09:02

"Is he controlling in other ways?"
Yes, he can be. If things don't go his way he gets angry and issues ultimatum

Yeah this is a massive red flag. This sort of behaviour is not okay. OP this is about more thannyour dog. If you do rehome the dog he will find other ways to control you. Honestly, you need to leave him

AstralTraveller · 21/02/2019 06:45

I moved in with my BF. This was many years ago now. I had a dog. He assumed for some reason that the dog would go to my parents. I lasted four months. The getting rid of the dog theme was constant and like a battering ram. She had no life compared to before so I packed up everything one day and went home to my parents and that was the end of it.

As others have said, the dog was the thin end of a massive wedge and if I had got rid of her the next thing would have been equally unpalatable. He was and still is a knobber.

EnidPrunehat · 21/02/2019 13:06

'But his demands are becoming like a bottomless pit. He has no regard to my feelings it seems so something has to give.'

So if you give up your beloved dog, what'll be next? Your adult children? Your friends? Any activity that gives you pleasure? Because this isn't about the dog. It's about control.

Obviously, I can't tell you not to love this controlling man no matter how much it baffles me that you do. But I do know that I couldn't love anyone so fundamentally incapable of loving me enough to make my happiness a priority. Let alone love someone who felt a dog was basically disposable.

VallarMorghulis · 22/02/2019 02:05

Leave this horrible man OP, and look after your lovely dog like you promised. It's not fair in the dog to be sent away from you, poor thing. Good luck getting rid OP Thanks

ClusterFukt · 22/02/2019 02:17

Lovely gentle greyhound or selfish nobhead husband? Surely you don’t need to ask?

BitOfFun · 22/02/2019 03:00

Classic illustration of "Love me, love my dog". YANBU. A husband who would willingly break your heart and make you abandon your personal integrity is NOT a keeper.

Topseyt · 22/02/2019 03:19

Another one joining the chorus of dump the husband and keep the dog.

This man is an arsehole. He is trying to control you and I think you have already compromised far more than many people would have, myself included. In fact, you have compromised far, far too much. He is already pushing for more and more.

Empathy56 · 22/02/2019 05:44

If my husband gave me that choice then I would be packing his bags! No chance of that though as I think he loves the dog as much as he loves me and vice versa.
If someone would want you to give up your much loved dog,then they are not thinking of you or your feelings.Pack his bags or leave with dog op.I bet you and the dog will be much happier.

AstralTraveller · 22/02/2019 07:38

Looked across at my DH and DDog. DDog has his head over DH's neck and the love they have for each other is ridiculous. That is how normal men interact with dogs.

You won't get a more human friendly dog than a Greyhound either so your litmus test is complete OP.