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The doghouse

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Husband wants rid of my dog

192 replies

Morgan065 · 19/02/2019 05:46

Before I met my husband I adopted a dog who became my world. He's my baby and I wouldn't be without him. Four years on, I met someone with whom I fell in love with. At first he seemed to be ok with my dog. Then we got married, my dog and I moved in to his home and things seemed lovely and balanced. My husband helped walk the dog while I was at work and in return I tried to balance my giving of love and attention between them ensuring harmony in this triad relationship. Two years on, my husband became agitated and complained about the size of my dog, that he's too big for the house and his house has become a kennel. My dog being a greyhound is big yet the most gentle and we'll behaved one that sleeps most of the day. He doesn't bark and makes no demands. His paws get washed each time he is brought into the house especially on muddy days and has baths when necessary. My husband claims that he's tried it with the dog for 2 years and he can no longer carry on living with it. He's suggested getting someone else to look after him as he can no longer tolerate him in his small house. It has caused a lot of arguments that I tried to leave with my dog a couple of times. He promised to try harder but in one heated argument (about the dog, of course) he only said to try harder to stop me from going. I'm adamant in keeping my dog as in my eyes he's done nothing wrong. He accused me of choosing my dog over him yet he knew I had a dog before we met. I explained to him that my dog is not just a dog but like a child with whom I developed a deep bond with. I asked him how it would be like for me if I was forced to give my dog away. His response was "You'll be upset but you'll get over it in time". I found his response very cold and calous. So, before I make a final decision on my marriage , I ask everyone, am I missing something? Please help.

OP posts:
Beaverhausen · 19/02/2019 13:41

Good luck OP, if only there were more people like you in the world who does not see their dog as disposable. Good luck you are making the right decision.

BiteyShark · 19/02/2019 13:42

Ok I have changed my mine after your update. Don't attempt any compromise just rehome the 'DH'.

sillysmiles · 19/02/2019 13:51

sar302 - honestly - no way.

If he had issues he should have flagged them at the start of the relationship.

In my world your dog is for life. You are his voice and his advocate. You are his protection and he is your responsibility.
Your husband is a grown ass adult who years into the marriage is changing the terms and being unreasonable.
I could never be married to someone who thinks it's ok to dump a dog.

userxx · 19/02/2019 13:52

Wow! This is not about the dog, this is all about control and his control over you. Please think very hard about leaving him as he will not change and can you really live your life being dictated to? He's a bully.

longearedbat · 19/02/2019 13:59

What others have said really. If you re homed your dog I bet he would be okay for a while and then would pick up on something else you are, in his eyes, not allowed, like a new hobby that takes you out of the house, or friends. Where will it all end?
Also, does he really love you? I couldn't behave like this towards someone I loved.
Re home your husband, not the poor dog.
Just curious though - did you get any inkling that your h might behave like this before you married? There must have been some signs that he was not happy with the dog?

ScrumpyBetty · 19/02/2019 14:01

#teamdog!

OP you have made loads of compromises already and you have put in so much effort- hoovering and wiping away dog hairs every day! Blimey, you have tried so hard to be accommodating and to make it work,I really feel for you.

Please keep us updated

sillysmiles · 19/02/2019 14:03

Having read your updated post, I think you need to speak to a solicitor and have the machinery in place to leave and protect your assets and get out of the marriage without being completely financially broken.

I can't understand how you have sent your dog off to stay with your friend at the weekends and how the friend has agreed to take on this dog that isn't hers routinely and consistently. Fair play to the friend.

But you need to get you things in order and get out. With OCD he will never change and just become more and more controlling.

HoneyDragon · 19/02/2019 14:05

If the dog went he’d move on to the next thing. Probably one of your closest friends would cause him stress. Or your family. Then they’d have to go too.

adelias · 19/02/2019 14:06

I'd leave him and keep the dog, what a twat.

CrazyBaubles · 19/02/2019 14:08

I have 2 dogs. One is old now (15). She has a form of canine dementia, is slightly deaf and slightly blind. She now makes little moaning noises no matter what she's doing. She gets under your feet because she can't hear you coming and bumps into you a lot because she likes being close but can't quite judge how far away you are. She has bouts of thinking she's a puppy and bounces all over the place.
Long story short - she's a nuisance in her old age. But she's happy and I love her.

She drives DH a bit nuts with her moaning and dog hairs and needing to be as physically close to you as she can. But if it came to it, I would choose her over DH. Every time. I'm responsible for her, I took her on as a puppy and intend to give her a home for life. You should 100% do the same for your dog (who sounds like a little darling by the way)

LaurieFairyCake · 19/02/2019 14:14

Agree, keep the dog

Your husbands a prick

JRMisOdious · 19/02/2019 14:17

I’ll probably be pelted with poo bags but here goes.

First, I think your husband is being unreasonable in wanting you to rehome your dog, that’s extreme. But one of your sentences was quite telling, that you do try to balance your attention between your husband and your dog. To me, balance isn’t required, I wouldn’t need to try, husband should come first, dog’s needs second (or third, fourth after other lives humans). Maybe he feels the same way, that he often comes second to a dog on your list of priorities.
Appreciate people have different opinions, but I can sympathise with him. Our dog is lovely but firmly at the bottom of the pack.

Noname99 · 19/02/2019 14:17

Goodness me - you need to leave the poor man. You don’t love him - you love the dog. He’s clearly developed anxiety related OCD like issues around the dog but you don’t give shit because the dog is your ‘child’ (this is rubbish by the way - try having a child die before you spout such nonsense) so leave him to find someone who loves him and you need to be your your dog until you find a human you can love - he isn’t it!

JRMisOdious · 19/02/2019 14:22

Loved, not lives.

SirVixofVixHall · 19/02/2019 14:26

If I was being generous I would say that you husband sounds as though he has mental health issues, and has become totally fixated on your quiet and benign dog, in which case the dog itself is not the problem.
However I am more inclined to think that your DH is possessive and jealous, and likes controlling you via your dog.

Either way, the dog is not the problem. You have done everything to make the dog easy to live with, and your dog is low maintenance. Your husband is the problem.

micromanager1 · 19/02/2019 14:33

I think it sounds like your DH doesn't like dogs. Some people don't and perhaps he has always felt a little bit on edge with the dog.

Also, dogs can sense when someone is being funny with them - perhaps there was a moment where your DH and dog had a bit of an altercation e.g. dog snapped at food/toy. Your dog could be asserting dominance over the husband, viewing the hierarchy of the pack to be OP, dog, DH in last place. Possible dog does not obey DH as well as it does you. Please remember that dogs do not think like people.

I think it's likely that your DH just doesn't actually like dogs, and feels intimidated - something hard to understand when you love dogs. Big dogs when they think they are above you in hierarchy can be quite scary and belligerent, in a way that you do not experience as "pack leader".

Veterinari · 19/02/2019 14:38

Your dog could be asserting dominance over the husband, viewing the hierarchy of the pack to be OP, dog, DH in last place.

Big dogs when they think they are above you in hierarchy can be quite scary and belligerent, in a way that you do not experience as "pack leader".

Except dogs don’t live in packs, don’t have a dominance hierarchy and don’t have a pack leader. But don’t let your ignorance stand in the way of giving ‘advice’ Hmm
Please educate yourself!

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 19/02/2019 14:54

I don't like dogs - I'd still choose the dog over your husband!
You had the dog first, he knew that, dog stays husband goes.

Calvinsmam · 19/02/2019 15:05

The difference between the dh and the dog is that if you leave the dh he will be able to look after himself and create a new life.
The dog doesn’t have that luxury, it depends entirely on op.

OliviaBenson · 19/02/2019 15:28

I can't believe you offload the dog every weekend! Poor dog. You have compromised way more than is reasonable in my view.

This is extremely controlling of your husband. Is he controlling in other ways?

OliviaBenson · 19/02/2019 15:29

What does tor friend who looks after the dog for you make of the situation ?

sillysmiles · 19/02/2019 15:44

Your dog could be asserting dominance over the husband, viewing the hierarchy of the pack to be OP, dog, DH in last place

Except that this whole theory have been debunked many times over, including by the original author of the work I think. This is all complete BS.

Morgan065 · 19/02/2019 15:55

"Goodness me - you need to leave the poor man. You don’t love him - you love the dog. He’s clearly developed anxiety related OCD like issues around the dog but you don’t give shit because the dog is your ‘child’ (this is rubbish by the way - try having a child die before you spout such nonsense) so leave him to find someone who loves him and you need to be your your dog until you find a human you can love - he isn’t it!"

I don't know how you arrived to this conclusion that I don't love my husband but regardless I reflected on it and I can honestly say I do love him, I wholeheartedly empathise to his stresses but the difference between him and I is that I wouldn't dream of asking him to sacrifice something that's dear to him for my benefit. That would make me a very cruel, calous and selfish person. I love my husband so much that I complied to all his demands regardless of their ill effects on me. But there are limits to what I can sacrifice.

It sounds like you had the devastating experience of losing a child and I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have 2 children myself I can't imagine how it must be like to lose a loved one. When I used the term 'child' it is merely a simile and not literal. I am well aware that my dog is not human. All I'm trying to say is that how I feel towards my dog who I promised to look after till death when I adopted him is the depth of love I feel for him is like a love for a child. He is defenceless and highly depends on me for everything yet he makes no demands but accepting of what is given to him. My boy (male dog) is a rescue from the racing industry where they are exploited, used and abused for profit. It took him a while to settle after bringing him home as he wasn't used to a bed or human contact. He used to yelp when I merely nudge him on his thigh. I suspect that he must have been hurt there a number of times. When I brought him home I promised him that I will never let him down. My husband knows this and yet he's cornering me to make a decision while he's saying "I'm your husband, don't I mean anything to you?" I feel I've given my all, compromised solely to benefit him. But his demands are becoming like a bottomless pit. He has no regard to my feelings it seems so something has to give.

OP posts:
Morgan065 · 19/02/2019 16:05

"What does tor friend who looks after the dog for you make of the situation ?"

I feel embarrassed of the situation but my friend is very understanding. She thinks the whole thing is ridiculous.

"Is he controlling in other ways?"
Yes, he can be. If things don't go his way he gets angry and issues ultimatum.

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 19/02/2019 16:10

I think that the one issuing the ultimatum should really be the one to lose.

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