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The doghouse

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Husband wants rid of my dog

192 replies

Morgan065 · 19/02/2019 05:46

Before I met my husband I adopted a dog who became my world. He's my baby and I wouldn't be without him. Four years on, I met someone with whom I fell in love with. At first he seemed to be ok with my dog. Then we got married, my dog and I moved in to his home and things seemed lovely and balanced. My husband helped walk the dog while I was at work and in return I tried to balance my giving of love and attention between them ensuring harmony in this triad relationship. Two years on, my husband became agitated and complained about the size of my dog, that he's too big for the house and his house has become a kennel. My dog being a greyhound is big yet the most gentle and we'll behaved one that sleeps most of the day. He doesn't bark and makes no demands. His paws get washed each time he is brought into the house especially on muddy days and has baths when necessary. My husband claims that he's tried it with the dog for 2 years and he can no longer carry on living with it. He's suggested getting someone else to look after him as he can no longer tolerate him in his small house. It has caused a lot of arguments that I tried to leave with my dog a couple of times. He promised to try harder but in one heated argument (about the dog, of course) he only said to try harder to stop me from going. I'm adamant in keeping my dog as in my eyes he's done nothing wrong. He accused me of choosing my dog over him yet he knew I had a dog before we met. I explained to him that my dog is not just a dog but like a child with whom I developed a deep bond with. I asked him how it would be like for me if I was forced to give my dog away. His response was "You'll be upset but you'll get over it in time". I found his response very cold and calous. So, before I make a final decision on my marriage , I ask everyone, am I missing something? Please help.

OP posts:
Iggly · 19/02/2019 07:22

You’ve moved into “his” home; does it feel like your home too?

What conversations have you had with him about this when you first got married?

How is your marriage generally?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 19/02/2019 07:23

Never ever give up the dog.

Beaverhausen · 19/02/2019 07:24

What a manipulative asshole, he is being controlling op.

When I met my DP I had 11 cats, he was told we were a package. 5 years on he has built them an enclosure in the garden so that they are safe and not on the streets in the day. He pays without complaining close to 200 a month for their food and a 100 a month for my epileptic cats meds. He loves them and this was a man raised in a household with no pets ever.

No compromise.

Loseitandkeepitlost · 19/02/2019 07:27

My heart would break if I had to give up my dog and it sounds as though you feel the same about yours.

If you did it to comply with your husband's wishes then the resentment it would cause would destroy your marriage.

Your husband should have been honest from the outset, tell him you'll live apart whilst you have your dog.

pilates · 19/02/2019 07:30

What is your relationship like in general? Any normal person knowing the love you have for your dog would ever put you in that position of choosing. I think it’s a big red flag for me. Sorry how awful for you.

Tolleshunt · 19/02/2019 07:31

So he would happily put you through the sheer misery, guilt and anxiety of giving away your beloved pet, just so that he can be free of dog hair?

He's shown you who he is.

NicoAndTheNiners · 19/02/2019 07:33

Well I'd prioritise the dog. Your husband doesn't sound very nice.

I used to own a small dog who hated my dh and for 2 years the dog attacked and bit/attempted to bite dh every day. Dh doesn't like dogs at the best of times but even though the dog was making his life a misery he never once asked me to get rid of it.

Weenurse · 19/02/2019 07:34

Keep the dog and leave the husband

notapizzaeater · 19/02/2019 07:35

Absolutely no way in hell would I give up my dog because he can't cope !

KateGrey · 19/02/2019 07:37

@Beaverhausen what a lovely guy.

OP he’s a horrible man. Trying to force you to give up your boy. He knew you were a package. Personally I’d leave him. He’s pushing and pushing and seems very controlling. If you give up your poor boy you’ll end up resenting this horrible little man and you probably won’t get your boy back. For both you and your dog’s sake I wouldn’t consider marriage, I’d leave.

KateGrey · 19/02/2019 07:38

Sorry I see you’re married. Personally I’d leave. It would be a huge issue for me being forced to give up someone I loved and who my husband knew I came as a package with.

Parky04 · 19/02/2019 07:42

I would choose the dog. I don't particularly like dogs and wouldn't have one but if I married someone with a dog I wouldn't dream of asking them to rehome them.

Soubriquet · 19/02/2019 07:43

If he’s this much of a control freak over one trouble free dog, what is he going to be like in the future with things he doesn’t like?

Don’t get rid of the dog.

Get rid of him

When I moved in with my now dh, he hated my dog, to be fair he (the dog) was an arse Grin

But he put up and shut up. He walked the dog, fed him, cleaned up after him and kept his grumbles to himself.

It wasn’t until I had to put the dog to sleep due to serious illness, that he finally confessed how much he didn’t like the dog. But he was there and he supported me.

That’s what matters

Squickety · 19/02/2019 07:44

Team Dog here. I really don't understand how someone can live with what sounds like a lovely gentle no trouble dog for 2 years, know how you feel about the dog, and a) not have any kind feelings towards it and b) demand you get rid. I could potentially understand his viewpoint if you had a noisy, destructive dog that was causing loads of problems (But I still wouldn't get rid!) but it sounds like he just can't be bothered with it and wants all your attention for himself.

He's not a nice man OP. If he loved you he'd understand what your dog means to you and he wouldn't ask you to do this.

In our house it was me that was desperate for a dog, DH was unsure but we got one and he loves her SO much. I love him even more than I did before we got her because it's shown me another side of him because he's so kind and patient with her.

I really do think how people treat animals shows you what kind of person they are. He's showing you. Believe him.

Iggly · 19/02/2019 07:44

I used to own a small dog who hated my dh and for 2 years the dog attacked and bit/attempted to bite dh every day

2 years???? That’s horrendous.

AnneElliott · 19/02/2019 07:51

I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't get rid of the dog. What exactly is it that the dog does that he objects to?

I have 4 cats and they are family. I agree there are people that see pets as disposable and those that don't. I was told a few years ago (by a Consultant) that I'm allergic to cats (I don't agree but hey ho). He immediately said you'll be getting rid of them and was quite surprised hear that I viewed that on a par with getting rid of my DS!

c24680 · 19/02/2019 07:53

I'd keep the dog!

I too had a dog before moving in with my DH, we've lived together 4 years now and yes it can get frustrating when she gets in his way but 99% of the time he loves her and I've made it clear she's not going anywhere so just deal with it!

If my husband was allergic then fair enough. Comments like you'll get over it in time is not nice at all.

Sparkletastic · 19/02/2019 08:01

Keep the dog
Lose the husband

GooodMythicalMorning · 19/02/2019 08:07

you came as a package, not fair he wants the dog to go now.

Shadow1234 · 19/02/2019 08:07

I would be looking for a new home for me and the dog!

I Will never forget my beautiful rescue greyhound who sadly passed 8 years ago from bone cancer. He brought so much joy to my life. They are such gentle loving dogs who make great pets, and seeing as your dog was a rescue, it would be so sad if he had to go to yet another home - I personally just couldn't and wouldn't do it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/02/2019 08:07

I'm not a dog person but we have one and that means he gets properly looked after until the end. I know a greyhound is a big dog but most owners tell you how easy they are to look after. Don't be bullied, you always regret comprising your principles.

Crockof · 19/02/2019 08:08

More of the same. Keep the dog.
Is it sharing you that he doesn't like? My dad hated sharing my mum and when I came along we were all v miserable as he was intensely jealous of me. Is it the same for your husband?

bullyingadvice2017 · 19/02/2019 08:10

Rehome the not so d h

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/02/2019 08:12

Now I'm a cat person rather than a dog person and no, animals are NOT the same as children. However in this instance I would compare children to pets. If you had children but he wasn't a children man. He gave it ago but after two years said 'they really aren't for me, I can't cope with the noise, the mess, the responsibility. Send them to live with their dad!' You wouldn't think twice of getting rid of him would you?

The only, only time I think people should consider rehoming a pet is if they were allergic (and no relief could be found or anti histamine) or pet had become aggressive and posed a threat.

Dogs and cats are for life.

FenellaMaxwell · 19/02/2019 08:14

To those saying the dog is a pet and you’d pick your husband - you don’t seem to have read the OP properly. This is not about the dog, the dog is a red herring. The OP’s DH is being controlling and manipulative, and that’s the problem here.

OP, you use the word agitated - can you explain a bit more? I think based on the emotional blackmail alone, I would already have LTB the minute he tried to force my hand - I can’t imagine my husband ever trying to make me give up something I love as much as I love my dog.